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Tuesday
May132008

Too Busy Watching the Game to Post Right Now

Monday
May122008

As Lucky as You Can Get

Oh yes, we won the lottery. The Toddler? Despite all the ways she makes me crazy (usually at 2:00 am), she rocks. And hard.

One of Mr. Husband's gas guzzling over-sized vehicles was at the shop over the weekend because we really enjoy throwing money at mechanics and watching them use it to wipe up grease puddles. We needed to pick it up this evening, which essentially meant our whole night would have to be jam-packed if we wanted to fit in a bath, dinner, and all the other important things we do every evening (you know, like obsess over a certain fish tank). We figured we would save a little time by seeking out the most nutritious meal imaginable while running around and, thus, ended up at McDonald's. After all, there is nothing more nutritious than a pile of French fries with a side of ketchup.

The only obstacle in our quest for world domination was the Toddler. Specifically, her inability to eat anything resembling a meal in less than two days time. Seriously, she is the s l o w e s t eater I have ever seen. She's almost always last to finish eating at daycare. It takes her an hour to eat one waffle. It's really a good thing she doesn't eat meat because I'm pretty sure that a dead cow would eventually figure out how to regenerate its legs and walk away while she putzed around.

Normally I don't care if she opts to turn a couple of French fries and a handful of apple slices into an all-night fiesta, but since we were in a hurry tonight, I figured I would try to con her into getting her little piehole into gear. I told her that if she hurried, she could play on the slide at McDonald's. She was pretty enthused by the agreement and actually managed to eat a whole French fry in less than five minutes. It was AMAZING.

So, the kid was gushing about how she was going to play on the slide and was generally nothing but giggles and grins as we started to walk out. I went to push the door to the play area and . . .

. . . It was locked.

I looked down at Alexis, scrunching my face in preparation for the fit of the century. My brain raced through ways I could convince the manager to open the door, most of them involving obscenities about how 50 degrees is not too cold for a kid to be playing outside, you stupid *^*&%*& wimp.

Alexis grinned and said, "I get to pay on side!"

I cautiously replied, "Honey, we can't go play on the slide. The door is closed."

And cringe. I might have even covered my head to protect it from the impending tiny fists of fury.

My attempts at self-preservation were met with silence.

I slowly opened my eyes and Alexis said, "Da door cwosed. No pay." She promptly turned around and walked back into the seating area.

After I regained consciousness, we got in the car and made our way home. Along the way, I rewarded her AWESOME behavior by kicking her butt 8 to 1 in a game of LELLOW CAR!

Of course I keep score. How else will I know what numbers to play in the lottery?

Sunday
May112008

Random and Stuff

- I have a new goal in life. I would like to go an entire week without something bizarre happening with the Fish Tank of Horrors. When I was cleaning it earlier today, I pulled out a rock and took it into the bathroom to do a little extra scrubbing. I failed to notice the Ghost Crab hanging out in a nook of the rock right up until he (she? it?) suddenly lunged out of the nook right at my face. I jumped out of my skin and my innards ran out of the house and down the street, shrieking the whole way. Mr. Husband is still laughing at me and the neighbors now KNOW I am a freak. If they recognized me without my face, that is.

- A couple people asked how I keep managing to get tickets to the Penguins games. It's simple, really. TicketMaster.com is scared of me. If I sit down at the appointed hour for any sort of event, there is a 90% chance that I will walk away with a pair of tickets. The other 10% of the time I beat TicketMaster to a bloody pulp, and that seems to help my future chances of scoring tickets. I've had the magic touch my entire life, which explains how it is that I managed to see New Kids on the Block and Nelson in concert back in the day. For the record, North Dakota isn't exactly the land of quality concert choices. In fact, I had to drive six hours to Minneapolis to see New Kids. Look how nice I am, giving you oodles of reasons to mock me. Enjoy.

- If you haven't started using Twitter yet, you are SO missing out. AFF tells the tale here.

- This thing where the Toddler hauls her doll Baby Shell all over creation is kind of cute right now, but I smell a pain in the arse on the horizon. Methinks I might just have to go buy a twin, just to be safe.