Don't Stop Believing

Alexis has already visited Santa this year.

I know, I know.

A ton of you get all sorts of twitchy when I mention anything that has something to do with Christmas when it's not yet Thanksgiving. Well, TOO BAD. If I waited until after Thanksgiving to get all of my Christmas tasks started, I'd be in big trouble, mister. I'd barely manage to get started before Christmas blew past me at 90 mph.

Besides, the Santa thing wasn't really my fault.

Alexis started begging to go see Santa at the mall the very second she found out that her bus driver would be doing a little moonlighting as one of Santa's elves. We positively adore our bus driver, so we didn't mind that Alexis got it into her head that she had to be at the mall promptly upon Santa's arrival. She really just wanted to see her bus driver while she was working her other job, so fine. Whatever.

Off to the mall we went.

In the past, I would have wondered if Alexis would chicken out while waiting in the line. I knew she wouldn't this year because she would be all "Loooook! It's my bus driver!" I was right. She was far too delighted to get to spend more time with the bus driver to stop and notice that she was in the proximity of a slightly senile old man with a beard that HAS to be hiding yesterday's lunch.

So. Here's the thing. Alexis KNOWS about Santa. She figured it out a while ago all on her own, but since she's only five years old, she desparately doesn't want to know. She is determined to alter her own perceptions so that she can keep on believing. She has chosen to think with her heart on this little issue, and her heart is pure and innocent and clings to magic.

She got her photo taken with Santa.

And she was all sorts of giddy and happy and pleased with herself.

Then we got home and she started paying attention to the folder that holds the photograph. Apparently mall Santa is now part of some sort of franchise because several malls in Pittsburgh have this exact same folder. It features two Santas that are very clearly not the Santa she met.

An aside: All of you giving me crap about starting with the Christmas decorating can just back off since Santa has agreed to appear next to the Easter Bunny. That's pretty much giving all of us permission to celebrate all of the holidays year round. SO THERE.

Anyway, the two Santas on the folder are definitely not the Santa that Alexis met. She noticed this fact.

She stared at all three Santas for several minutes.

She looked to me for direction. "Momma, why does this Santa not look like this other Santa?" The tone of her voice made it obvious that she KNOWS THE FREAKIN ANSWER, but she really needed me to give her some sort of out. I could have told her that Santa forgot to take a bath for a week in that photo and she would have been satisfied with that answer. She just needed an excuse to keep believing. Any excuse.

I was a tiny bit too slow answering her question.

Just as I was about to make up some random lame lie, Alexis came up with her own.

"Oh, wait! This is YOUNG Santa. I met OLD Santa!"

The explanation makes no sense whatsoever, but let's just go with it, mmkay?

Smarter, Greener, Less Broke (Sponsored Post)

When we first spoke with our realtor about the house, we could hear the excitement in her voice. We had somehow discovered one hell of an opportunity. A foreclosure in rough shape, for sure, but the potential...THE POTENTIAL.

As we drew up the offer paperwork just hours after first laying eyes on the inside of the house, she point-blank said, "If you weren't buying this place, I would be."

The house we bought was only five years old at the time, but through a strange series of events I'll never understand, it had been trashed. But, still, the bones were good. Nearly all of the damage fell under the category of: "We can fix that!"

The first owners had paid $276,000 to have the house built. We paid $183,000. Like I said, ONE HELL OF AN OPPORTUNITY.  But with that opportunity came some...baggage. There are a lot of things about the house we don't like.

Number one on that list is the fact that it's too big. Yes, really. The house is too big for us. Need an extra 1000 square feet? Because I have it to give. It sounds like a good problem to have, but have you paid the utilities on 1000 square feet that you don't need? It's delightful. Except, not. At all. The only way we can afford to live in this house is to be smart.

And by "smart," I really mean "green."

In the two years since we moved in, we have:

* Replaced light bulbs with energy efficient CFL bulbs.

* Added a motion sensor to a few strategic outdoor lights so we don't need to leave them on when they aren't needed.

* Installed solar lighting along our sidewalk.

* Purchased an ENERGY STAR compliant refrigerator.

* Frequently replaced the furnace filter because it runs more efficiently when it's not struggling to get air.

* Installed an ENERGY STAR compliant ceiling fan in our loft to help with air circulation.

* Installed WaterSense showerheads.

It's a long list of little things, but it adds up. BIG TIME.

Consider this. Our first home was a townhouse that was built in 1984. It was a whopping 1200 square feet. We had budgeted billing for both electric and gas, meaning we paid the same amount every month. Our gas bill was right around $70 per month (which covered running the furnace and our water heater.) Our electric bill was about $100 per month.

Our current home is around 3500 square feet, plus we have a finished basement. Our average gas bill is $140. Our electric bill averages around $150. We're dealing with nearly three times the space, but our utility bills haven't even doubled. Being green is being smart. That's all there is to it.

Thanks to the helpful folks at The Home Depot, we had a chance to do a little shopping and find our next green upgrade.

You guys. YOU GUYS. Have you ever seen anything as sexy as this?

::swoon::

That gorgeous beast on the right? She's my new best bud. She's a 57-gallon rain barrel which will soon be installed on the side of house and connected to our rain gutters. She going to collect the rain and then give it back to me when I need it to water the garden. No more paying to keep the annuals alive!

Hooray! I am seriously way more excited about this than I probably should be, but I'm pretending my excitement is limited to the fact that our water bill will be reduced next summer. Really I'm just all around excited (she's so sexy!), but money is fun. Especially when I get to keep it. (Psst...my fancy new rain barrel that matches our house happened to be on clearance. Originally she was $149, but right now she's $111. Wahoooooo!)

What about you? What little things have you done to make your home more energy efficient?

Want more tips on how to become eco-conscious? Visit the Prizes & Promotions Section on BlogHer!



Disappointment Is Going To Be Our Christmas Tradition

If I were to say the words "Dip Party," what would you think could possibly go wrong? WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU.

No, it's not that you will gain ten pounds just by being in the same room as Snickers Dip and Pumpkin Dip and I don't even remember what else because I ate myself into a coma within ten minutes of getting there. 

No, it's not that there could be any sort of people drama. I have the bestest friends ever. Obviously. We do things like have parties just so we can eat lots and lots of dip. I have found My People and I adore them and their dip-loving ways.

It's that your kid might just end up setting herself up for the disappointment of a lifetime.

You see, we went to a Dip Part a month ago and that was when Alexis figured out exactly what she wants Santa to deliver this year.

Alexis' note says, "I will have a iPod Touch." (We'll get back to her choice of wording in a moment because really? REALLY? OYE.) She got the idea from a friend who happened to be at the Dip Party. In other words, evil things happen at Dip Parties.

I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty that she will not be living the dream this Christmas. Santa has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over the debacle that was the American Girl doll last year, so Santa is all *lalalalala I can't hear you* when the kid requests anything. She's getting a bike from Santa and she will like it, dammit.

(This is where I conveniently leave out details about that bike which I managed to score for free by winning a photo contest because I wouldn't want you to judge us about how we aren't spending a penny on Santa stuff this year. See? I didn't mention it. You can't judge.) (If you're thinking about judging, just remember that Santa is pissed he spent a lot of money last year and the kid was all "That's nice" when she opened the gift. Santa is allowed to be a cheap-ass this year.)

So, back to the note.

Alexis wrote this sucker out about a week ago and has been carefully guarding it ever since. She's very confident in her choice. "I will have a iPod Touch." Not, "I would like" or "Please bring me." Nope. I WILL HAVE, YOU OVERWEIGHT OLD MAN.

She added "I love you God" on the side, I suppose just in case her choice of words was too strong and she needed to win a few brownie points from the other side of the Christmas thing. She also wants to know if God likes "a iPod Touch," so there's that. Would it be wrong if I circled "No" and left the note under the tree? Yes? Damn.

Also included in her note is a self-portrait, a little sketch of the cat (Max, to be exact), a drawing of an iPod Touch, and another picture of herself. This time it's a super happy Alexis in the drawing because she is thrilled that she got an iPod Touch.

Except that she's not getting an iPod Touch from Santa. She's getting a bike. THE END.

So if you hear a groan of disappointment from the kid when she opens her Santa gift, just know that you should blame the Dip Party. Not me. THE DIP PARTY.

(Don't feel too bad for her. The gift she's getting from us is pretty freakin' awesome. And cheaper than an iPod Touch.)

(She was practicing doing a Happy Dance in front of the tree. Not. Even. Kidding. Little does she know that she won't be needing it...)