Not Really A Recipe, Just a Rolled Taco

I was standing in the kitchen, up to my elbows in little tiny squares of sweet potatoes. The dogs were clambering for my attention, Meg's nails clicking on the tile as she hopped up and down, her breath ragged like a stalling Harley. Dinner was on the stove, the onions quickly changing from a perfect clear to burnt and useless. Alexis wasn't yet crawling, but yet she had managed to roll her way across the living room. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that she was about to pull a laptop onto her head. On the laptop was an unsaved document that had taken me hours to write, and I needed to finish the remaining 20 or so pages that night. The microwave timer went off and then . . . so did I.

I lost it.

Right then, right there, I threw a magnificent hissy fit that later morphed into a nervous breakdown.

Out of that moment of overwhelming frustration, a compromise was born. I wasn't able to finish everything I needed to finish in an evening, so Mr. Husband agreed to take over for me packing Alexis' lunches. In those days, it was a tedious process made complicated by the fact that she refused to eat baby food out of a jar. Rather, she had to have fruits and vegetables that had been cut small enough to prevent choking, but they couldn't be mushy or she would rip your head off. It was truly a task worth delegating, so I was hugely relieved when he offered.

Weeks turned into months turned into years, and he continued to take care of her lunch. Even as time in my evening became less scarce, we made no attempt to shift the responsibility to me. I enjoyed my bit of free time as he continued to pitch in, never once complaining.

But then one day I opened her lunch bag and wasn't happy with what I saw. Pre-packaged foods and a severe lack of vegetables glared at me, willing me to take action. I instantly realized that it wouldn't be fair of me to point fingers. Rather, if I wanted Alexis' lunch packed a certain way, I needed to do it myself.

So I did.

Later that evening, I opened her empty lunch box so that I could put the dirty bowls in the dishwasher. Inside the box, I found a note.

You pack the cutest lunches for Alexis! Great job!

Was it a coincidence that the first lunch *I* had packed in YEARS was one that a teacher noted and thought was worth of a compliment? NO. It was no coincidence at all. It was the power of the Rolled Taco.

Rolled Tacos continue to be Alexis' absolute favorite lunch in the whole wide world.

Flour tortilla
Refried beans
Diced tomatoes
Sliced olives
Lettuce
Shredded Cheese

This one is complicated, but I think somehow you may just manage. Start by opening up the flour tortilla. Spread some refried beans over half of the tortilla. Top with tomatoes, olives, lettuce, and cheese (Alexis claims cheese is "icksgusting." Obviously, she's an alien.).

Roll it all up, starting on the side that is covered with beans and stuff. Cut into 1" pieces so that it looks sort of like sushi.

Alexis. LOVES. This. It's seriously her favorite lunch of all, officially proving that it doesn't matter how hard a father tries, he will always be outdone by the mother.

A Well Stocked Toolbox

Does Amazon have sort of Creeper Watch List? I wonder because usually I get orders from there crazy fast, but when I finally managed to order an entire stack of books about sex (An entire stack because you can never have enough books filled with naked cartoon people. Obviously.), it took forever for them to show up. In the meantime, Alexis kept asking and asking and asking how babies get in a mommy's tummy. I was starting to worry that delaying was turning it into a Big Deal, which was exactly the opposite of what I was trying to do. Anyway, I'm probably on the Creeper Watch List because there are a LOT of books about sex in our house now.

After reviewing them all, I decided this one was exactly what the doctor ordered (for now):

It directly answered her question, but was more focused on the theme that all of your bits and pieces are yours and you don't really need to be flashing them all over town, even if it is Mardi Gras and you have an affinity for crappy plastic beads. It was perfectly age appropriate, completely straight-forward, and didn't have a whole lot of text, so I was able to fine-tune the content to be even more appropriate for She Who Asks Too Many Questions. (Pics of every page of the book are on Flickr because I like to see how many Creeper Watch Lists I can get on.)

The initial conversation with Little Miss Wants To Know It All went about as well as I expected. That is to say, I was all sorts of squirmy as she pointed at a picture of a cartoon penis and declared it "silly looking," but, c'mon, truer words have never been spoken. She asked a few questions, I answered, it was all a Very Not Big Deal.

Which was exactly what I wanted.

***********************************************************************

I was making dinner when Mr. Husband burst into the room, glaring at me. "I forgot to tell you," he started. "Your daughter . . . she . . . last night . . . " he stammered.

The pained look on his face left me with the impression that our daughter had stabbed his dog with a unicorn horn. It was a mixture of horror and fear and awe, an odd and confusing combination. I made an annoyed face at him and continued to throw together the vegetable paella.

Finally regaining his composure, he blurted out, "Last night, your daughter said babies come from here," he gestured wildly with his hands, leaving me with the impression that his underwear had caught fire.

I tried very hard not to laugh. I failed.

"What?" I asked. "She wanted to know, so I told her." It's no secret that I love to see the man squirm.

"Why couldn't you just tell her that magical fairies get them from storks who live in a hospital or something?" he asked.

I didn't bother to answer, mostly because I would have admitted that any and all stress of having to deal with doing The Talk with her had just melted into a pile of AWESOME because now she has a whole new arsenal of tools to use in her crusade to make him crazy.

SCORE!

The Other Twitter Seven

I realized part way through the day that if you have never used twitter and you read my last post, you might get the impression that it is a giant ball of fiery suck.

It's not.

At all.

In fact, I can honestly say that twitter makes my life better every. single. day. No, really. When you sift through the noise and drama and things that don't work with how you like to use twitter, you find some really amazing people who do amazing things, and with them you find a heck of a lot of reasons to use twitter. Some examples:

1. My Tribe. The hardest thing to do when you first start using twitter is to find people who fit with how you want to use twitter. It doesn't matter what you hope to get out of it, you CAN find people that will help you achieve that goal, if only you give it enough time. For example, maybe you are someone who really enjoys debating politics and you don't mind the whole Overheard In The Bar possibility. If you try, you can absolutely find other people who want to use twitter in the same way that you do. "Real" life doesn't always offer that ability to find that tribe of people who compliment you so well.

2. I Look Smarter. When you've managed to create a tribe of diverse people, you find yourself with a incredible resource for information. I can ask twitter anything, and someone will have an answer. Where can I get a fake hand? @scarehousescott can help. There's tomato sauce, macaroni, and a zucchini in my fridge. What can I make for dinner? @asthrnfairytale will have ten ideas. What is there to do this weekend if I don't want to spend much money? @livingpgh has me covered. Is there a natural alternative to facial cleansers? @andreannarose has a recommendation. Twitter allows me to crowdsource instantly. Any topic.

Right this second, the first 15 tweets in my stream represent experts in IT, accounting, sewing, cooking, social media, copyrights, law, psychology, pediatric medicine, photography, writing, radio, crafting, structural engineering, and graphic design. How else could I possibly become friends with such a diverse group of experts? (BTW, in the time it took me to type that list, my "experts" completely changed. I now have 15 different people each with a totally different area of expertise.)

3. Efficiency. I Got That. Having a network of people all over the place means I not only have access to expertise, but I also have the ability to "see" what's happening all over the place. For example, there have been plenty of times that we've rerouted ourselves because of traffic warnings by @jimlokay, or even just anybody else driving around Pittsburgh. I'm not exaggerating even a little bit when I say that has saved us HOURS. When I was looking for a white Polamalu jersey for Alexis, I asked twitter if anybody had seen them anywhere. I got reports from The Strip and Station Square that there were none there, but then got a message from @kdudders that she saw some at Parkway Center Mall. I would have *NEVER* thought to look there, so that one request for help not only helped us to score what we needed, but we did it MUCH faster than we could have without twitter.

4. Get It Fixed. It's probably a bad thing that twitter is often the most efficient way to resolve a customer service issue with a company, but that's the way it is right now. I've had problems with Verizon magically resolved by @VZPittsburgh, Comcast troubles fixed by @comcastcares, and even help troubleshooting an online meeting from @connectsupport.

5. New Perspectives. Twitter is incredibly diverse. Tweeple are constantly helping me to see a new way of evaluating a situation that I may not have otherwise. I'll write about the specific details some day, but I can honestly say that walking around New York City talking to @firemom led me to understand a side to my mom that I wouldn't have without her. I let go of a lot of anger as I listened to her story and related it to my mom's similar, yet different, story.

6.My Voice Is Louder. Sometimes we just want to be heard. Whether it's because there's a news story that intrigues us, a cause we want to draw attention to, or just an opinion that we feel like shouting, twitter can act as a megaphone for our voices. The success of Christmas Crazy has happened largely because of the incredibly kind souls that follow me on twitter, and I appreciate every single one of them for helping when I need it.

7. The Friendships Are Real. There truly aren't words that can accurately express just how much some of the friendships I've formed because of twitter are to me. It's all sorts of sappy and mushy and all of those things that I'm generally not. I have @tehamy to talk sense into me. I have @hellohahanarf, @scarletfire, @adriennemcc, @hmccurd and countless others to make me laugh. I have @mooshinindy, @yankeedrawl, and @jmwander to inspire me. I have everybody who calls themself a member of Yinz Team to keep me out of trouble. Mostly.

It would take me hours to come up with the full list of friends that I've made because of twitter. I just plain can't imagine life without them.

(HUGE apologies to all of you who I didn't list here. There just isn't enough time in the day to recognize all of the amazing that I have surrounding me on twitter.)

(I'm totally missing about 5,773,623,051 other ways twitter makes life better. Feel free to list some of those in comments.)