2017 total: $12105.73


Did You Say Something?

I have made two critical errors today:

1. I noticed that the last of the gum-mangling, misery-making, sharp as knives teeth had busted through in Alexis' mouth. And I thought to myself, "Those two were easy."

2. When Alexis' screamed at Daddy through her entire bath, I thought, "And so goes the continuation of her turning on Daddy."

My reward for these two misguided thoughts? I get to be deaf in one ear! Yay! All I can hear is this lovely ringing sound in my left ear. I learned that there is a fire truck siren installed in all one-year olds. Ours must be defective or something because it went off for 30 minutes solid while positioned right up against my left ear. 30 minutes is a long time to wait for Tylonel, teething tablets, and Orajel to kick in. Forget the common cold, someone has got to cure babies of teething.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go find Alexis' owner's manual and look up how to uninstall the fire truck siren.


I'm Back!

About six weeks ago, Alexis made the determination that Daddy was center of the universe. Her sole responsiblity in life was to worship his every move and make sure everyone else knew that the universe revolved around him. Her first word every morning: Daddy. Her last word at night: Daddy. The most repeated word all day long: Daddy. If we were all out at a store and a stranger said "hi" to her, she would respond with "This is my Daddy, behold his wonder and majestry." If she and I were happily sitting on the floor playing after school, she would immediately dump me for Daddy upon hearing the garage door open. By the way, there's nothing more nauseating than a one-year old standing at the door yelling "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Oh wait, yes there is. A one-year old risking life and limb while diving from her Mom's arms to her Daddy is more nauseating.

Now don't get me wrong, I still held a very important role in Alexis' life. If she gouged her eye out with a plastic spork, was ran over by a herd of wild dogs, or did a triple flip off the couch, she needed Mommy to make it all feel better. And if a monster came out of her closet at night, one of Joey Porter's pony-eating dogs barked at her, or she was abandoned in the driveway without shoes, she needed Mommy to make her feel safe. But the regular day-to-day fun stuff, that was all Daddy.

All the while, I sat back and enjoyed this little phase. I didn't get jealous. I didn't complain about it. I didn't remind Alexis that it wasn't the Daddy that spent endless nights up with her for the past 1 1/2 years. I just enjoyed watching him enjoy being the most important person in her life. For I knew that a day would come when she would wake up, a bright ray of light would shine down from the heavens while the angels harkened, and she would once again realize that Mommy is the greatest human being on planet Earth. That day, my friends, was yesterday. I have reclaimed my throne at the center of the universe.

At least, until Alexis is a teenager and hates everybody, especially Daddy and me.


Anybody Up for a Game of Where's Dora?

I have some new thoughts on this Dora thing:

1. It's my fault. I am 100% responsible for the word "Dora" entering Alexis' vocabulary. I realized it when we were out at a restaurant yesterday. For as long as Alexis' has had the disposable Dora placemats, I have used them to keep her busy while we wait for food when we are out. She points to something on the placemat and says "What's that?" and I answer her. Or I point and she tells me. She knows the signs for ball, monkey, flower, and frog because of that. And she knows the words ball, flower, and Dora because of it, too.

2. Dora lost her extra "d" this weekend. Her name is now perfectly pronounced as "Dora!" (The exclamation point at the end is very important.)

3. Dora is flippin' EVERYWHERE. We now know that because Alexis points her out EVERYWHERE. Everytime I think she's just imagining things, another weird Dora item shows up. Here's some examples:

* Sears--there's a bin of Dora videos by the checkout.
* Michaels'--Dora is all over some foam stickers near the party supplies.
* Giant Eagle (grocery store)--are you ready for this--Dora is in at least EIGHT aisles. Ice cream. Cookies. Animal crackers. Fruit snacks. Yogurt. Metal trays. Sippy cups. Napkins. Books. And that's just the aisles where I figured out what Alexis was pointing at. Dora's face is on more products than George Washington is on dollar bills.
* Target--it's Giant Eagle times a thousand. There's a whole aisle of Dora toys and that's in addition to her presence on clothing, sporting goods, accessories, bubble bath, band-aids, books, videos, etc., etc., etc.
* I could go on, and on, and on, and on. Trust me, there is nowhere that you can go that will be 100% Dora free.