Randomly Random. Quack.

I first heard the sound just as I rounded a steep curve. "Quack!"

I glanced out the car windows, trying to locate the errant duck. "Quack!"

I didn't see any birds anywhere. "Quack! Quack!"

I started glancing around the car. Where the heck was the sound coming from? Was there a duck behind us? Had Alexis magically learned to let out a realistic quack? Was there a duck in my trunk? Had I hit a duck and it was stuck to the front of my car? "QUACK!"

Just as a wave of panic washed over me because OMGAH-I-HIT-A-DUCK, I realized the sound was coming from the phone sitting in car console.

Alexis had changed my ringtone to a duck sound.

Quack.

(P.S. We shall never speak of this incident again. Lest you consider mocking me, let me relentlessly quack at you and see how clearly you think. ;-) )

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Over at That's Church, Ginny has resorted to begging and pleading the Pirates to not make her look bad. She is even offering bribes so that she is the Queen of Make Room for Crazy.

I don't need bribes. I have reality.

Look. A very wise person once said the definition of insanity was to do the same thing over and over and over, expecting the result to somehow be different. The Succos finished the preseason just over .500 last year, and then went on to LOOOOOOOSE and LOOOOOOOSE and LOOOOOOOSE. It's what they do best. This year they're off to an OK-ish start, which is to say that nothing has changed and there is no reason to expect a different outcome.

I would love for the Pirates to have a winning season, but it ain't happening. No way, now how.

If you haven't already tossed $5 (or $10 or $50 or whatever--you can enter as many times as you would like) into the charity collection bin, you should go do it. And vote no. Because they aren't going to have a winning season.

So far, there are a several of ZOMG!-worthy prizes at stake:

• $25 gift card to Bocktown Beer and Grill
• Two $25 gift cards to Las Velas
• One brand new POANG chair from IKEA-Pittsburgh
• $50 gift card from Tan 360
• One free two-hour workshop for two people at the Pittsburgh Glass Center
• A Pirates Fan Pack valued at $50
• 2 RIP packages for Scarehouse

We'll announce more prizes as they make their way into our greedy little hands.

By the way, the kid has spoken, and she is firmly on my team:

I'm so generous, I'm willing to spot them another 50 or so wins. See! I am a nice Pittsburgher!

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Also falling into the category of Nice Pittsburgher, I posted to the Review page earlier today. It kinda sorta might be worth checking out because I'm giving away two $125 Amex gift cards. Yay! Money!

The Most Shocking News of the Year.

It happened.

I opened my mouth. Without thinking about the consequences of my words, I let it slip that I had been free of the chains of a cell phone contract for quite some time. Instantly, Mr. Husband smelled an opportunity to seek and destroy something electronic. Within minutes, my inbox was filled with suggestions and ideas and links to discounts and such.

The only way to make sure I would get to really make the decision on my own was to go ahead and pull the trigger before he could get further invested in the hunt. So, I did it.

People, I bought an iPhone. In other words, hell has frozen over. Yes, yes it has.

I've had it for nearly a week. Every day I wait for that moment when I can say that it has changed my life. I wait to be able to say that I'm an addict. I wait to confess that I can't imagine life without it.

Umm . . . it hasn't happened. While I'm sure it will at times be very convenient, I still don't see myself becoming that person who walks around with their nose buried in an iPhone app at all times.

However, someone else's life has changed. Someone else has become an addict. Someone else no longer can imagine life without it.

Someone else has had her nose buried in an iPhone app every. single. day.

The kid barely has her buns in her carseat before she begins begging to play games on my phone. So far, I've only downloaded a couple of free apps, and all of them are of the annoying educational variety.

She doesn't care.

She would happily spend hours spelling word after word after word and matching letters to sounds and finding the shapes and whatever else her little heart desires.

I give it another week and she'll be better at using the thing than I am.

Crazy Eyes