Shouting the Obvious

It may come as a surprise, but it's not exactly fun to have a kid who enjoys yelling, "COW!" in the car early in the morning. The whole shouting and exuberant and perky thing is MUCH MUCH MUCH cuter once the clock makes its way around to at least double digits.

Yet, every morning it's the same thing. I navigate to daycare through the fog that is early morning Mom Brain and Alexis spends the entire drive hunting for animals. Every morning she acts completely shocked and excited to discover that the cows that were there the prior day and the day before that and the day before that and the day before that are still there. It's amazing, really. The cows just stay there in that fenced-off field as if they have no where better to be. Maybe they hang out there especially so Alexis can yell, "COW!" and I can jump out of my skin. Because, you know, it's not like we haven't both lived that moment before.

Anyway, this morning we were navigating the curves in the road and Alexis was keeping an eye out for her cows, just in case they had flown a few miles down the road. As I sat peaking through barely open eyes, somehow I managed to notice a gang of turkeys at the edge of the road. I'm pretty sure that if you're as ugly as a turkey you live in a constant state of suicidal consideration, so I slammed on my brakes, knowing full well no one was behind me.

"TURKEY!" Alexis screamed. Thank goodness she did since, you know, I might not have known what the big ugly birds were if she hadn't told me.

Through her excited chatter, I watched as at least a dozen turkeys leisurely crossed the road in front of us. One after another, they took a few steps into the road, stopped to stare at the car, considered the meaning of life, thought more about how they could commit suicide, smoked a cigarette, recited the Bible, and then finished crossing the road.

I started to consider just how much damage a turkey or ten would do to the car if I just plowed through them. If I had been a little more awake, I probably would have been able to figure out that since I was driving Mr. Husband's SUV, I should have just done it. He wouldn't have cared. In fact, he might have been proud of me.

And then there was Alexis' reaction to the slow motion parade in front of us. I'm thinking the apple doesn't fall far from the Daddy Tree. I swear a little light bulb suddenly came on over top of Alexis' head, her eyes popped wide open, and she proclaimed, "LET'S DRIVE OVER THE TURKEYS! IT'LL BE FUN!"

Watch out, turkeys. The kid will be eligible to get her drivers license in just over twelve years.

(Pssst . . . go (link deleted)!)

A HUUUUUGE Thank You!

There is no way that I can possibly thank you all enough for all of your votes that helped Burgh Baby to WIN the Best Local Blog poll at The Bump! You are AMAZING! And a little scary, if we're being honest. Let's just say that I would be very afraid of crossing y'all because you have clicky fingers, and you know how to use them.

Anyway, in thinking about ways I could repay you all for your awesomeness, it dawned on me that the best way to thank you was to pay it forward. So that's what I hope to do. The voting that took place this past week over at The Bump was for category winners. There is a Grand Prize round which pits all of the category winners against each other. Initially, I had planned on ignoring that round for a lot of reasons, chief among them that there are several people who I adore and who I consider friends in that round. I prefer to support friends, not go head-to-head with them.

But.

But then I started thinking about what I could do with $1000 cash. I could have a hell of a lot of fun with $1000. Like, WOAH! Brain explosion! And you know what would be the absolute most fun a person can possibly have? Bringing Christmas crazy to some kids in need.

$1000 buys a lot of Christmas crazy.

So, here's the plan. If Burgh Baby wins the voting over here, I'm taking that money to Toys 'R Us and loading up on a truckload of toys. I'll deliver half of that fun to Mikey and Big Bob of 96.1 KISS for their annual Stuff-a-Bus promotion supporting Toys for Tots. The other half will go to a local domestic violence shelter so that kids at risk can have the kind of Christmas they wouldn't otherwise have. (I know the name of the shelter I have in mind, but need to confirm with them that the gift is appropriate for them. If it's not, I'll pick another shelter. It's all about bringing Christmas crazy to kids, yo.)

Voting ends at 11:59 Eastern Daylight Time on October 26th. It will not be easy to win at all because WOW! are there some big time fantastic bloggers in that list, but it can't hurt to try, right?

GO (link deleted)!

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And (link deleted).

Ballerinas and Gummy Bears

She's crazy enough to want to sit through a 3-hour ballet performance, and I'm crazy enough to let her. After a successful voyage to see Cinderella, I figured a trip to see Pittsburgh Ballet's The Sleeping Beauty was definitely in the cards.

This past Saturday Alexis and I headed downtown for the matinee performance, along with pretty much every little girl under the age of 10 who lives in the tri-state area. As Alexis and I shuffled into our seats, I looked around to find that every third seat was occupied by a short person wearing a pink poofy dress and hauling around a doll dressed exactly the same way.

Alexis, because she is deprived, was dressed in an old H&M skirt and t-shirt and had been forced to leave all of her toys behind. The poor child will never know the joy of having a doll that looks and dresses just like her because I am soooooo mean. At least, I'm sure that's what she will say later in life. I like to think that a few years after that, she'll thank me.

As the ballet started, I was reminded how weird it is that the kid truly enjoys that sort of event. I have the attention span of a gnat so I can't be bothered to follow along when there aren't words telling me the story. Alexis, however, was captivated. She sat contently watching the dancing, whispering to me when she spotted a new character or when a significant plot line played out. I was mesmerized by her enthusiasm and amazed by her ability to interpret the story line when literally there wasn't a single word telling the tale. It was all about the music and the motion, and if you asked Alexis, it was in great part about the dresses.

My goodness, the kid LOVED the dresses.

An hour and a half passed and Alexis never once flinched or whined or complained. There was no place she would have preferred to be than sitting on my lap and watching the characters on the stage. Then came time for intermission, and my tired brain darted for the caffeine and candy.

We had made it through the first 90 minutes of ballet without a single snack and I'm sure Alexis could have made it through the last 90 minutes in exactly the same manner. I, however, needed to chug some Coke and inhale some chocolate. Fortunately, overpriced food stuffs were available. I grabbed my own stash and then offered Alexis her choice. She's a dork, so she selected bottled water and gummy bears. I would have thought only aliens would pick gummy bears over Reese's Pieces, so apparently I gave birth to an alien.

We settled back into our seats after the intermission. I resumed watching Alexis' reaction to the show. She grinned and cheered when the prince awoke Sleeping Beauty. She laughed when a pair of dancing cats pranced across the stage. She oohed as the fairies performed synchronized steps.

Alexis sat radiating joy for another half hour but then cracks in her perfect facade started to show. She wiggled. She whispered. She squirmed. She squawked. I was invested in her happiness, so I gave it a few minutes and tried a little sugary bribery. Then I realized that the real problem was not that she had run out of patience. Instead, it was that the show had evolved into a series of performances without any real story. The full plot of the tale had already been told, but yet there was still another half hour left to go.

I made the call; it was time to leave. I gathered up our belongings and told Alexis to quietly sneak out. As I walked down the aisle, I realized that the once full theatre was nearly empty. While there had literally been hundreds of little girls watching when we first took our seats, there wasn't a single kid to be seen anywhere.

Not. a. one.

Except Alexis.

I gave birth to a ballet loving, gummy bear eating alien.

I'd have it no other way.

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An announcement regarding the Bump contest is forthcoming. Thank you all so much for your votes!