Facing Fears

I thought it was funny that so many people mentioned Monster Spray in last night's post because I actually stood in a store a few days ago, clutching a bottle of Febreze, and figuring out whether or not I thought Monster Spray would work with Alexis. As I meandered down the mental path envisioning how that would go, I thought of her waking in the middle of the night, crying until she found the spray, and the realized something--she doesn't stay in her own bed. I knew I would be the one stomping around in the middle of the night to seek out spray to scare away that which isn't there in the first place.

No, thank you.

Instead I decided the best thing for us to try was to twist the monsters into being happy little creatures that are our friends. And what better way to make new friends than to throw a party, right? So that's what we did--we threw a Monster Party.

Alexis and I kicked off the festivities by baking cupcakes together and then decorating them to be goofy little monsters. I quickly learned that whipped cream flavored frosting is not a decorators friend, so the monsters turned out far more scary than silly, but in a Craftastrophe sort of way.

As we were ruining perfectly good cupcakes, we turned on Monsters, Inc. I want to hug that little girl Boo for laughing at the monsters all the way through the movie, because Alexis quickly started to think the monsters were funny, too. We hadn't watched the movie for a long time, but this time Alexis thought it was freakin' hysterical. She had tears rolling down her chubby little cheeks at one point because she was laughing so hard.

After the movie it was time for bed, so we read a couple of monster books. After the books came the moment of truth--time to turn out the lights. Alexis made a big production out of there being a monster under her bed, so together we got down low and looked for it. She didn't see it under the bed, but then suggested it was under the rug. I pretended to scoop it up, gave the tiny little beast a hug and a kiss, then started laughing and acting like the silly monster was dancing. (I really deserve an Academy Award for my performance, btw.) After that moment of genius, I asked Alexis if she wanted to give the monster a kiss, too, and she did before busting up laughing because the monster was, as she put it, "tooting."

Fart jokes just never stop being funny when you're two, I guess.

Anyway, after that we tossed the monster in the aquarium and sent Elmo swimming with the worms. Apparently the worms did a good job of keeping the monster under control because Alexis not only slept peacefully all night, she did it in her own bed. All night.

It was beautiful.

I don't know how long the affects of the Monster Party will last, but I do know that the very first thing Alexis did when she got in her room tonight was to gleefully scream, "Hi, silly monster!"

I'm sure that roughly translates to, "Dude. I need a new excuse for not sleeping through the night 'cuz that monster gig is up. Any ideas?"

It's a Monster Mash

Lately Alexis has decided that sleep? Is so not worth her time. For over a week she has been waking up SOBBING five, six, seven, eleventy billion times per night. Needless to say, this has left Mr. Husband and I to function at a wee bit less than our A-Game. I'd say we're hovering somewhere around our D-Game, which is why it didn't occur to me until yesterday to just ask her what the heck is going on.

Her answer? "I scared."

Totally helpful considering even my sleep-deprived brain had long ago figured out that she was probably having bad dreams. Why else wake up sobbing, y'know? So I drilled her some more and eventually it came to light that there is a monster under her bed.

A monster.

That seemed workable.

So when I tucked her in for the night, we did a monster check all around her bedroom. She was confident that everything was OK, so we turned out the lights, played our usual game of Steal a Kiss, and off I went to try and get some work done on my laptop while watching perhaps the greatest comeback in the history of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Just as the Pens managed to close a 5-2 deficit to one goal, Alexis started screaming. Of course neither Mr. Husband nor I was in a big hurry to stop watching the game, so we admittedly let things go on for a minute or two longer than usual in hopes that Alexis would just go back to sleep and leave us out of it.

A few minutes later Mr. Husband caved and went upstairs to console the poor kid. She told him all about the monster under her bed. I'm guessing that would be right around the time he pretended to smash it because I heard a crashing sound loud enough to wake my Freaked-Out Mom Senses. I dashed upstairs to find the two of them talking about monsters.

It was at that moment that I realized just how differently Man Brain works from Woman Brain.

Mr. Husband's answer? He would kill it. Beat it up. Smash it. Punch it. If Alexis got scared, all she had to do was let him know and he would happily blast the monster into a million little pieces.

Of course, my sissy Woman Brain was all, "WOAH! Now, Cowboy, don't be adding violence to the fear!" I suggested we look under the bed again, maybe turn on a night light, and pull out the maracas because OF COURSE monsters are scared of maracas, right?

(You can't blame me for trying.)

I'm thinking that we really need to get a good night's sleep because neither one of us was able to figure out a way to calm her down. Last night was not a good one.

Round Two of Monster Booty Kicking started tonight, but I don't yet know how that's going to turn out. I just know that we sent two monsters swimming in the saltwater tank this evening, helping it to truly cement it's title as the Saltwater Tank of Horrors.

BTW, Alexis described the monster as red and furry, and says it's name is Elmo.

Like I said, that fish tank truly is the Saltwater Tank of Horrors.

Won't Be Funny in Ten Years

Somehow a small miracle occurred tonight and Alexis and I actually managed to get to gymnastics a few minutes early. Instead of hanging out with the scary moms in the lobby, I figured we would make a quick run through a nearby department store. I tossed her little booty into a cart and set out for the kids department in hopes of finding a cute little hooded dress and leggings combo something like the one she was wearing.

As we were rushing back, Alexis started playing with the four-inch zipper just below her chin. She zipped and unzipped the opening over and over then decided to stop with it down. While it wasn't quite so low that she was channeling Jennifer Lopez's green Chanel dress, I figured it was worth asking her to zip it back up. Alexis looked at me and said, "No."

So I repeated myself, "Alexis, zip your dress up, please."

I added in a good ol' Mom Stare for good measure.

She replied, "I don wanna."

"Alexis McKinnley, fix your dress right now or I'll take Baby Shell away," I threatened.

Alexis looked at me, face contorted, and said, "But I wanna show boobies!"

I think that will be the end of front-zippered dresses. Forever.