In Need of More Candy, Please

Over a month ago, Mr. Husband took Alexis into the Disney Store. Over a month ago, she BEGGED for a Minnie Mouse costume. Over a month ago, he succumbed to the begging from the short person. Ever since then, she has told EVERYBODY that she was going to be Minnie Mouse for Halloween. Every day. Several times a day. "I be Minnie Mouse for Halloween."

Of course, all of that planning and preparation meant NOTHING once October 31st rolled around. It was almost predictable that she would wake up and suddenly decide that what she meant to say was that she wanted to be Snow White for Halloween. Luckily for her, I had bought her a cheap Snow White costume to play dress-up in a while back. It was intended as a form of bribery during my quest to get her to sleep in her own dang bed all night. It worked for three nights, and came in very handy on Halloween night.

You know, the night when the Toddler had a lot of fun sitting in our doorway, trying very hard to protect HER candy. When she realized that yelling, "No, it's mine!" wasn't going to deter me from handing it out to other kids, she stooped low. Very low. She resorted to opening packs of candy as fast as she could then putting them back in the bucket. She now has a lifetime supply of M&Ms open and just waiting for them to drop into her little mouth.

Yeah, I'm jealous I never thought to do it myself. So what?

At least I trick-or-treat.

The child who freaks out if a stranger so much as looks at her, of course, wanted nothing to do with trick-or-treating once she realized it actually required her to walk up to a stranger's door. She made it to three houses before giving up completely for the night.

Her lack of a candy score almost makes me wish I had listened to her when she was yelling, "No, it's mine!"

A Note to Me in for Next Year

Dear Dorky Self,

Halloween is going to come around and you are going to call Picture People to make an appointment for the traditional costume portrait for Alexis. When you do it, they are going to ask you what day you would like. For the love of your sanity, ask when the Mall is doing trick-or-treating. Then do the portraits ANY day but that day.

Lest you manage to block out the horror that is mall trick-or-treating, let me remind you that you once took Alexis for portraits during the golden hours and thought it would be Great! Fun! to take the kid around for a few minutes.

There is no such thing as a few minutes.

The Mall is not transformed into a haunted house for Halloween. Remember? It turns into a zoo. There will be hundreds of kids running around. Uncontrolled. To make it even more fun, the hooligans will be the rudest bunch of short people you've ever seen.

Don't forget about the kid who literally knocked Alexis over while snatching a Tootsie Roll at light speed. Keep in mind the parents who actually demonstrated to their kids how to just cut in line over and over. Focus on the piece of poo brat that kept cutting in front of people repeatedly so she could have more Rita's Italian Ice. Recall the teenagers that spit out a tirade of curses when they realized that a place was giving out coupons instead of candy.

Remember.

And don't ever do it again.

Love,
The Lady Who Has Not Yet Blocked the Nightmare, but Will Soon

Halloween 2006--The Screamapiller

Halloween 2007--Funshine Bear

(Thanks, Pappaw!)

Halloween 2008--Minnie Mouse

An extra bonus, brought to you by Trannyhead--The MegaDora.

Happy Halloween!

I Don't Get It

I'm about to type a string of words I NEVER thought would even cross my mind. It almost hurts to say it. Actually, it DOES hurt to say it. Real, physical pain.

North Dakotans do Halloween right.

Now, I am NOT one to give North Dakotans credit for anything. There's a reason I ran from that place as fast as I could when I was 17 and barely glanced back.

It's weird there.

But, after tonight, I'm beginning to see the advantages to the weirdness.

North Dakotans are a special breed. They are exceptionally polite. They look out for others. They are extremely trust-worthy. They are honest. They aren't in a hurry. Just a tiny example, you can leave your car running while you run into Wal-Mart there. Without locking the doors. You'll still have a car when you get back. You might even come back to find that somebody has brushed the snow off your car because people there just plain look out for one another.

There is, of course, a downside to this. People look out for one another. In other words, everybody is always all up in everybody's business. Since the place is seriously lacking in population, that means that EVERYBODY knows EVERYTHING that you do.

I suppose that lends itself to why Halloween there is kick-ass. Ain't nobody getting away with putting razor blades in candy when EVERYBODY knows exactly who is handing out the snack-sized Snickers bars. No kids are getting kidnapped when EVERYBODY knows who is walking down the street and when they are doing it. It's like Big Brother is everywhere, and really that can be pretty darn useful if you are the parent of small children.

The other thing they do right is LOTS of organized opportunities to trick-or-treat. Sure, you can totally set kids free for a few hours in a neighborhood, but you can also manage to hit three or four good complexes/organized candy orgies in one night. Of course, it helps that Halloween is ON FREAKIN' HALLOWEEN.

I don't know if it's a Pittsburgh thing or what, but I had to actually look up when Halloween is in our little township. The schedule for Halloween all over the greater Pittsburgh area? ALL OVER THE PLACE. Depending on where you live, it could have been Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, or even Saturday.

What is this thing where Halloween is scheduled for some night that is not Halloween? And WHY IS IT SCHEDULED?

Can't we just go out on October 31st and select the time based on what is appropriate for our kid? I mean, the little kids go while it's still light out and the bigger kids get to stay out a little past dark and the really big kids wrap up the night by staying out until 9 or 10:00.

We can't be trusted to do that? We HAVE to trick-or-treat at the assigned time on the assigned date? Really?

Please explain this to me. I am confuzzled.

(Photo is from gymnastics on Tuesday. The kids were allowed to wear costumes and Alexis decided to sport the Snow White gear after having worn Minnie Mouse to no less than three Halloween events already.)