Especially Different

Every once in a while someone will ask me how I manage to post something here every. single. day. I normally respond by saying it's really not that hard once you get in the habit of doing it. Plus, I genuinely enjoy the challenge of figuring out what about that day made it different from all others. That's really the key for me; if I don't know what to write I ask myself, "Self, what did Alexis do today that stood out?" Good, bad, or ugly, it's a question that always has an answer.

Yesterday, however, my brain couldn't process that thought all that well. It was nonfunctional after rushing around like a crazy person to get errands done then capping the day with the mind-numbingly awful music at that cult-like place we call gymnastics. I totally slacked on managing to note that a couple of really "outstanding" things transpired.

1-It's hard to explain why this is a HUGE FREAKIN' DEAL, but Alexis went first during an activity at gymnastics. Alexis is not a Go First kind of girl. She is a Hang Back and Watch Everyone Else kind of girl. It's not to say she doesn't have some signs of mad leadership skillz goin' on, she just prefers to observe before showing everybody how it is done. I can absolutely relate (hello? Apple? Tree? Yup.), but there is NO WAY I would have been willing to be the first to show a new thing on the balance beam. So, go Team Alexis!

2-Somebody needs to fess up. In our midst is someone who has clearly tortured the poor Toddler in a way that defies logic. For two and three quarter years, the child has been zen with the vacuum. She has ignored it, rode it, pushed it, licked it (seriously), and generally been totally OK with its existence. She's had plenty of opportunities to turn against the thing. After all, we have lots of furry things running around our house. If we don't vacuum up all the fur the cats, dogs, and husband leave behind at least once per day the living room floor starts to look like a giant crusty sheep.

And yet, yesterday the poor kid started shrieking and bawling as she climbed walls in a fit of sheer terror while Mr. Husband vacuumed. The vacuum is SUDDENLY Toddler Enemy #1. The only explanation I can think of is that someone has either been giving her Dyson hickeys in her sleep or they've been dumping the dust/fur/food/other things too disgusting to think about in her bowl of Wheaties. Who did it? Who traumatized the kid into being scared to death of Mr. Dyson?

When I find out? That will make for a "different" sort of day. Ahem.

I Wonder What Happens if I Spell Em Eye See Kay Eee Why

I am a fairly good speller. Sure, I've gotten lazy and rely on Microsoft Word to auto-correct some words, but back in grade school? I totally won more than one spelling bee. I even went to State one year. I would tell you what word I finally lost out on during the second round of the oral spelling finals, but I don't remember what it was. I know it had something to do with some sort of Native American house, but that's where the traumatic memory ends (losing sucks, yo).

So why am I having so much trouble with the spelling bee that is life with a toddler?

We are absolutely in the midst of the Repeats-It-Alls. While we have, thus far, managed to dodge the cussy bullet (can I get a WOOHOO!), there are still some words that are not technically cusses, but that I would rather not have the Toddler running around reciting. It sucks. And, yes, that is one of the words she doesn't need to say.

Even worse is when I say something that is SUPER EXCITING to Alexis, and when I do it completely oblivious to the fact that she has ears and can hear me. There is a long laundry list of words that are traps: Disney, Mickey, Pink, park, slide, gymnastics, french fries, noodles, Spanish, baby, pajamas, and Penguins just to name a few. It doesn't matter the context, it doesn't matter where Alexis is, if she hears one of the trap words? We are absolutely going to go down the path of a random Toddler conversation, and odds are it's not going to end nicely.

For example, if Mr. Husband and I are stupid enough to discuss last weekend's Penguins game? We had better spell a whole lot of words in every sentence. If we don't, the Toddler is going to turn the conversation into how she wants to go to a game. Now. SHE SAID NOW! And meltdown . . .

I really need to practice spelling every single word I say.

Summer May Have Left Me in the Dust, but BOOO!

A funny thing happened this past weekend--I woke up and suddenly realized that somebody had shoved September off a cliff and replaced it with October. Hello, holiday season!

It's no secret I love Christmas, but there's something I love EVEN MORE. It comes with fun costumes, spooky decorations, and . . . and . . . AND CHOCOLATE! You can try to tell me it's a pagan holiday and blah, blah, blah, but when I think Halloween? I think candy! And woohoo! I have a kid who is old enough to Trick or Treat, meaning I can get strangers to give me her candy. Better yet, I have an alien kid who doesn't like junk food, so I won't even have to fight her for those Snickers bars!

I might be a little bit excited about this. Ahem.

In honor of the start of The Wonderful Holiday Season, Alexis and I have started with the decorating. Um, yeah, I'm a dork and decorate for Halloween. Not as much as I would like, mind you, but I certainly decorate more than average.

We started by erecting a little cemetery in our front yard. We do it every year, so it's really not all that interesting. Nor is the giant inflatable ghost or the giant inflatable, uh, guy-like thing. We throw in a few wispy light-up ghosts, skeletons, and a bunch of pumpkins and it's all good.

Well, it's all good except for the fact that, of course, the tender-hearted tiny person is totally a chicken and is scared to death of most of my decorations. Instead of actually helping me decorate, Alexis spent her afternoon just outside of the magical invisible bubble looking on. She maintained a safe distance from the entire shebang, never letting on that she was freaked out, but being very sure to not take even a single step towards the "scary stuff."

I don't do "cute" at Halloween. There will be no teddy bears donning cute little ghost costumes. Nor will there be cute little black kittens with friendly witches and smiling bats. I want death, blood, guts, and creepy crap. I want HALLOWEEN. I'll tone it down a teeny tiny bit for the little coward, but she really needs to get with the program.

I have a feeling she just might come around to my way of thinking.