I Told Her to Quit Making Faces or I Would Post One. Alas.

Again.

There comes a point in every woman's life when she realizes it's not fair. The feeling falls on her like a avalanche, heavy and suffocating. It's like cement blocks being tied to your feet while a sock is stuffed in your mouth and you smash your head against a ceiling you can't see. Sometimes the feeling passes quickly and you get to go back to obliviously trying your hardest, but sometimes it lingers.

I didn't really have that moment until a little over four years ago, a coincidence of time and fate. Somehow I managed to wander through life without really seeing what was right in front of me - there are times when I wasn't given a fair shot because I'm a woman. Before that moment, I always thought that I wasn't getting as far as fast because I was given different opportunities early in life. Growing up in a trailer park without consistent food on the table is in itself a trillion pounds of weight holding you back. I couldn't see past that avalanche of inequality to see the other one until it was right in front of me, pointed out by a male who had a very similar background but yet completely different experience.

The very short version of the story is that something happened and immediately afterward, that male looked at me and flatly said, "No one has ever said something to me like that in the workplace." From that moment forward, I saw the inequalities for what they were.

Alexis sees them now. She's just 14 years old, but she has already seen enough to know that women aren't given the same chances as men. I think maybe because she started out on level footing with her peers, certainly coming from a place of privilege, she had a clearer view of that which I should have seen all along. There's another difference between me and her, though. She goes looking for role models on a much bigger stage than I ever did. While I got lost in the fictional worlds created by authors, worlds with limited examples of women going for it all and failing, Alexis looks for inspiration in the real world. It's not entertainers or athletes that usually catch her attention, though. It's people she knows in real life. It's also politicians.

It makes sense if you know her. The kid was already voted by her class Most Likely to Become President. Seriously, the kid is destined for a life of public service. She exists to make the world a better place for everyone, and I will not at all be surprised if she does that by going into politics. She wants the world to be a fair place.

The first time Alexis started to realize the world isn't fair was 2016. She watched as a woman who she thought was smart and ambitious and incredibly qualified failed. Alexis lost a little bit of her unending optimism that day. Just a little bit, though, because she knew that smart and ambitious woman came with a bit of baggage.

There's no baggage this time. There is no reason or rhyme as to why. Even a 14-year old who exists in a cloud of privilege sees what happened.

Alexis is fully having that moment now, that moment when she realizes it's not fair. There's not a single damn thing I can do to make it better except to persist. Again.

Imbalance

I would like to once again HIGHLY recommend having kids 8 years apart. It creates a sense of balance in a world of imbalance.

See also: How the hell am I going to survive the teen years with Mila?

Alexis is currently in a phase where she's proving that not nearly enough words have been written about the dumb words that come out of teenagers' mouths. It's worth noting that this particular teenager has an oversized guilt complex and is faaaaaar more empathetic than average, AND YET.

OMG the stupid. THE STUPID. She says things without thinking and how bad did my parents have it? I was way worse than Alexis is and clearly I was wrong way more than I ever knew.

But if Alexis is pretty much an easy kid and she can make my head explode, just imagine what Mila is going to be like. That kid says stuf just to make me mad now. Once she more expertly refines that skill, I am done. DONE. Toast. She's going to destroy me.

In the meantime, Mila makes for an excellent source of sanity. Mila doesn't have a filter and just says whatever, but she's still freakin' adorable while she does it. So while Alexis can anger me like nobody else these days, Mila is over on the other side of the room just randomly saying, "You're a good mom."

SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT ANYTHING.

Usually.

It's a thing that Mila does, though. She randomly, and usually for no reason, throws out nice words or a compliment or whatever. She sometimes compliments my hair, tells me I'm pretty, or comments that my outfit looks good. Other days she has nice things to say about an idea I had or how great it was of me to let her do whatever. Basically, the kid is a master at stopping for a moment and saying something nice.

You win some, you lose some, I guess.