Fear Factor

Mila was born fearless. I found her sitting on top of the fridge long before she took her first steps because climbing came faster than walking. The kid STILL to this day prefers to sit atop a table or fence or ledge than on a chair. She climbs everything, jumps from any height, and generally has no concern for her own safety.

It's not an exaggeration that I have had to snag her before she played in traffic. She would do it if I let her.

Forever and ever, we've had to fight with her about going on the "big" rides at Kennywood. She didn't like The Turtle in Kiddieland, but the big one? YES, PLEASE. Same with The Whip and don't even mention any roller coasters to the kid. She has spent the first five years of her life pissed off that she's not riding around on Phantom's Revenge all summer long.

Until this year.

Now that she's juuuuust shy of 41 inches and can ride a few more things, she's all, "NOPE!" She went on the Pirate Ship once, but only once because she decided it is a form of torture more frightening than anything Stephen King can dream up. She is legit terrified to ever ride it again.

IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE.

It's a giant swing. She loves swings. It makes me nauseous. She loves things that make me nauseous.

I swear it's part of a scam. Mila is clearly planning to go bungee jumping into a tiger pit or something and she just needs me to think she cares about safety.

I was hoping she would lay off the scaredy pants routine before we went to Florida. I did not have that kind of luck, which means the kid was finally somewhere where she was allowed to ride bigger things and she was all "NOPE!" She had ALL of the nopes. She was throwing nopes like I throw confetti the once per year that I actually get enough sleep. I managed to talk her into trying most things once, but ONLY ONCE.

She's still mad about Spiderman.

It wasn't really a "thrill" ride. It was one of those things where you sit in a car that moves up and down and shakes around, but you're surrounded by a movie, so it seems like you're moving more. There was no major drop or big hills or anything. It was a freakin' SIMULATOR, for goodness sake.

Mila hated it.

A lot.

Mostly she hated the movie part because there were bad guys. She said the moving part was fun, but the only way she survived was by closing her eyes so she didn't have to see the scary bad people.

Mila has never once been scared of the "bad guys" in a movie. Never. Once.

It's a really good thing I don't expect the kid to make sense. I know better than to expect logic, and my expectations are always being met. THANKS, MILA.

Phone Home

I know for a fact that I have been to Universal Studios in the past. Somewhere there is a photo of me and a few friends standing near the entrance waaaaaay back in high school when we played at EPCOT for band. We spent that day at EPCOT after performing on a stage in America, but we also spent a day at Universal. I AM CERTAIN OF IT.

Not that I remember much of Universal. I vaguely can piece together that I rode E.T. and I'm sure I have seen the sets before (there was a barber shop quartet that sang in the street? I think?), but details? I ain't got no details. Clearly it didn't make an impression on me.

It made an impression on Mila, though.

Girlfriend has fallen deeply in love with E.T. As in, she is obsessed. I have a "pick one thing" rule when we visit places or go shopping, so she spent two days lusting over Captain Marvel and how she was going to get a very specific doll, but then Mila met E.T. and Captain Marvel was no longer good enough for her. Forget the kick-butt blond superhero, Mila's only need in life was an alien that looks a lot like a ... you know.

Mila loved the ride. She loved the little store with all of the E.T. stuff in it. She even more so loved the stuffed E.T. that she picked out as her most favorite thing that she was taking home with her.

And then she saw the movie.

It's probably a crime that neither of the girls had seen the movie until we returned from Florida. Alexis still hasn't seen it, but Mila made it a priority in life so she has now watched it three times. THREE TIMES. She is deeply obsessed with the movie, which I need to admit is AWFUL. So awful. I didn't remember that the movie is awful, but I'm here to tell you it is definitely awful.

The special effects. OMG.

The plot. It's weird.

The jokes. They're bad.

Everything about the movie is regrettable, but don't tell Mila because she loves it so much.

20 years from now, will Mila remember anything about Universal? I don't know, but I hope she remembers that she loved the E.T. ride, if only so she can be embarrassed that she loved the E.T. ride.

Universal Fun

I believe it's a federal law that if you go to Orlando, you have to go to Disney. No? It's not a law? IT SHOULD BE. If it were a law, maybe Mila wouldn't be so deprived of joy. The poor kid STILL hasn't been to a Disney park, even after a bunch of days in Orlando.

And here I thought she was spoiled.

We had big plans of spending a day at the Magic Kingdom, but a bunch of events piled one on top of the other and ruined those plans. But, no worries, Mila isn't completely deprived. Instead of a day at Disney, she managed to get four days at Universal.

My Disney-loving heart aches at those words, by the way. But, Universal had a special where if you paid for two-day tickets, you got three days free. That made it REALLY hard to justify going to Disney at all, especially because Alexis had cheer stuff two evenings while we were there. I didn't want to pay for park tickets when we had to leave at 5:00, but if we had "free" tickets? Fine. We can go for a few hours.

ANYWAY.

Mila didn't get any princesses or Toy Story, but Alexis got a LOT of Harry Potter. So, apparently I can make one kid's dreams come true? Just not both. Regardless, Alexis was SO happy about getting to pick out a wand and spending hours and hours looking at all the Harry Potter stuff. Mila made do.

And by "made do" I mean MILA WAS SO HAPPY. She will joyfully spend all of her days looking for characters and hugging them. She met Dora, Thing 1 and Thing 2, the Grinch, Spongebob, Patrick Star, the entire cast of Despicable Me, Beetlejuice, Po from Kung Fu Panda, the Trolls, lots and lots of Marvel characters, and much more. It was truly the most exciting thing that could happen to her each and every time something tall and fuzzy showed up. She even got excited about meeting She-Ra and I guarantee she has no idea who She-Ra is. Mila just really likes people dressed up as characters, apparently.

Which means I am going to have to blow her mind at some point by dressing up myself. We've got three months until Halloween, people. I need to figure out what character I'm going to be. Something fuzzy? Something realistic? I DON'T KNOW, but I know it's going to blow her mind.