So Confusing

We have SUPER entered the phase with Mila that includes random thoughts falling out of her face at a rapid pace. If I remember correctly, I'm about to be treated with around two years of hilarity, assuming that Alexis was "normal" with how long she stayed there. Mila is a bit more random that Alexis, though, so she might be even more fun.

And by random, I mean RANDOM. I keep likening it to playing a slot machine. You just never know what you're going to get when you pull the handle.

During tonight's drive home, I was treated to:

- Why is it always dark?

- (Boy at school) was wearing Superman underwear today.

- Is that a real hand that we cut off a man or is it fake? (She was referring to a Halloween decoration that hasn't seen the light of day for two years. It's a fake hand and apparently 2-year old Mila lodged it deep in her memory so she could pull it out in January ... TWO YEARS LATER.)

- My dead parents shouldn't have fed the monster. (I can't explain this one, other than to question the possibility that we get reincarnated because Mila often talks about alternate lives and people she "remembers" from them. With much detail.)

- I don't like when the sun shines in my eyes. You need to fix it. (It was dark outside ...)

- I'm going to wear my yellow socks tomorrow.

- Sometimes I like broccoli, but not always. Can we have broccoli for dinner? I like it today.

- Penny has to get haircuts sometimes.

- I really like Christmas decorations. We should keep them all the time. (I FEEL YOU, MILA.)

- Fonzi is the funniest. I really like him.

And that was all in a manner of five minutes. FIVE MINUTES. I had whiplash from trying to appropriately say, "Okay" versus "That's cool" versus "Oh, really?" because Mila notices when I phone it in, so I have to make sure my response to every little thing makes sense.

Go ahead and pull the lever ... you might just end up randomly confused.

Baffling Things

There are a lot of things I wasn't prepared for when it comes to parenting. High on the list is OMG WHY DOES IT TAKE KIDS SO LONG TO LEAVE? Mila's current get-dressed-and-go-out-the-door pace is about ... an hour. If I'm lucky. Just getting from the couch (fully dressed!) to the door can take her an hour because did you know there are reasons to stop every three steps? The chair needs to be pushed in. Mila's shoes need to be adjusted. Her socks slipped down. The bathroom door isn't closed right. She forgot her toy back when she was pushing in the chair. AND THAT'S JUST TO GET FOUR FEET FROM THE COUCH.

It's exhausting. I say, "FOCUS, PLEASE!" in a very shrill voice about 139587130498 times per day. Can you imagine if I weren't constantly pushing things along? We'd all be dead by the time Mila got to school.

In other baffling Mila news, I wasn't prepared for the incessant, "I WANT MOMMYYYYYYY." Mila says it often and in the whiniest voice you've ever heard. It's like shards of glassing stabbing my ears when she does because I AM RIGHT HERE. She nearly always says it while touching me.

Like, if Mila is a dash and I'm a dot, we're like this ---------------.-------------------. She's on me like white on rice. Like the cookie part of an Oreo smashing the cream. She is LITERALLY wrapped around my little finger, toe, leg, and head. She can't get closer. She's on me! She's touching me!

But she wants me!

To ...? I don't know. It's one of those things I will never understand.

::Blink::Blink::

GUESS WHO IS ENROLLED IN KINDERGARTEN. GO AHEAD. GUESS.

Not Alexis, that's who.

Apparently they let infants into kindergarten now. I think we can all agree it has not been THAT long since Mila was born. She can't possibly be starting school in the fall ... BUT SHE IS.

She's really very excited about this whole thing, of course. She seems to think kindergarten is some far-off magical land where little girls get to do important things, which I suppose it is. I'm less excited, though. I was trying to figure out exactly why it's bothering me and it's less that she's the BABY and more that THIS IS WAY TOO EASY THIS TIME.

When Alexis started kindergarten, our district still had half-day kindergarten. I sat refreshing the web page to register her on the morning it opened because I very badly needed her to be in the morning session. The only way I could get having a full-time job AND half-day school work was if I was able to set her up with an afternoon daycare and morning real school and UGH. Despite being very fast on the draw, she got stuck in afternoon kindergarten which basically left me needing to quit my job. Like, there really is no way to make that work and the district's policy at the time was GO AWAY, WE WON'T TALK ABOUT IT.

There was much anxiety and hand-wringing as I spent months figuring out an alternative. It ended up being a private school for a year, which mostly all worked out, but still. HALF-DAY KINDERGARTEN IS THE DEVIL. And the people who insisted on mornings when they didn't NEED it sucked, too. (I saw at least four of them on FB talking about how it was nice to have their mornings alone with a cup of coffee and that was why they wanted morning and GAAAAAAH.)

ANYWAY.

With Mila, the only drama is hoping she ends up in the same class as her best friend. Or maybe hoping she doesn't. I'm not really sure which path will have a better outcome. Regardless, she gets all-day kindergarten and it's going to be great.

Or at least that's what she keeps telling me.