Just Jokes

Alexis has gotten herself up, dressed, and off to school every day for ... well, basically her entire life. She first figured out how to set her own alarm in kindergarten and she's basically been self-sufficient since. I don't mention this to brag. No worries there, I will get what's coming to me eventually. Her name is Mila and that child is NEVER going to do that, trust me. Rather, I say that to frame the fact that ZOMG. ALEXIS SCREWED UP.

It has happened exactly once before. The other time I remember it happening I realized she wasn't awake like 10 minutes after her alarm was supposed to throw her out of bed. It all worked out fine, of course, because 10 minutes is nothing when you're a worrier who gets up an extra half hour early every day just in case.

Oh, yes. Alexis is one of THOSE people. I bet she will be a spreadsheet queen who has lists of every task and can track every minute of her every day. She's a preparer and such.

But this morning she screwed up. And I didn't notice she screwed up until after I had Mila sitting in front of a television with a bowl of cereal (my carbs plan FAILED, but apparently throwing three different kinds of cereal into a bowl creates a cloud of confusion). That means I turned on Alexis' light to say, "Hey, you planning to get up?" at the exact moment that her bus was driving through the neighborhood.

Panic ensued.

The good news is that I was ready to run out the door 10 minutes later. I don't really know how that happened, but apparently I can get ready faster when I focus? I dunno. I'm one of those people who has never in their life gotten up a half hour earlier than necessary because WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT? I'd rather hit snooze 7 times and cut out half of what I should do because I should be asleep. All day.

Alexis was also ready that fast. She's good like that.

And then there's Mila. Mila was all, "Noooope. I have not yet watched the entire season of Boss Baby on Netflix, therefore we cannot possibly leave this house." I threatened her that I would put her in the car in her pajamas if she didn't get dressed and ... I ended up putting her in the car in her pajamas.

Two things happened. One, Mila discovered that I don't bluff. I have high hopes that it's a lesson that will serve her well in the future. Two, Mila discovered that I DON'T BLUFF. She was stunned by this revelation. Absolutely totally and completely stunned. That led to my most favorite sister conversation ever. As we were driving to school to drop Alexis off (on time, I might add!), Mila was carrying on about how she was wearing her pajamas and WTF IS THIS, PEOPLE.

"Mom told you to get dressed, Mila," Alexis lectured. "She told you that you would have to wear pajamas if you didn't," she continued.

Mila had exactly one response to Alexis' lecture. "I THOUGHT SHE WAS TELLING JOKES," she yelled.

I tell WAY better jokes than that, Mila. C'mon.

Lemon Curd Coffee Cake

I have a new mission in life - FIX MORNINGS. Mila is persisting to ask for cereal for breakfast and then launching into a fit because the cereal she just picked is wrong so wrong what the heck is wrong with you woman WROOOONG.

Ahem.

Carbs. Carbs are my hope for sanity. Mila has never met a carb that couldn't distract her, so here goes. It's time for breakfast breads. I'm starting with an old standby because I think it will be a winner with her.

FINGERS CROSSED.

Lemon Curd Coffee Cake

Lemon Curd
Zest from 6 Meyer Lemons
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
6 eggs
1/2 cup lemon juice (the 6 Meyer Lemons should get you close enough)
1/4 teaspoon salt

1. Place the zest in a food processor with the sugar. Pulse until the zest is finely minced.

2. Cream the butter in a medium mixing bowl.

3. Slowly add the sugar/lemon zest to the butter and mix well.

4. Add the eggs, one at a time, while continuing to mix.

5. Gradually add the lemon juice and salt.

6. Pour everything into a medium saucepan and heat over low heat, stirring constantly. The Lemon Curd will thicken when it reaches about 170 degrees. It takes about ten minutes for me to get it to thicken. If you see any signs of the Lemon Curd starting to boil, remove it from the heat immediately. It's done, I promise.

7. Place the Lemon Curd in the refrigerator while you work on the rest of the Lemon Curd Coffee Cake. You aren't going to use it all, by the way, so start brain-storming how you are going to pour it over all sorts of fun stuff.

Streusel
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
3 tablespoons cold butter, cubed
1/2 cup flaked coconut (optional, but I think it makes it all better)

1. Combine the flour and sugar in a small butter.

2. Cut in the butter. I don't have a fancy mixer, so I use my hands and just squish it all around until I have a chunky texture. It doesn't have to be perfectly mixed--just mostly combined.

3. Stir in the coconut.

4. Set aside.

Batter
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup cold butter, cubed
1/2 cup vanilla yogurt
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Zest from whatever lemons you used to get that lemon juice
1 egg
1 egg yolk
3/4 cup Lemon Curd (you know, that stuff you made a few steps ago?)

1. Combine the dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl.

2. Cut in the butter. Again, no fancy mixer here, so I mush it with my hands.

3. In a separate bowl, combine the yogurt, lemon juice, lemon zest, egg, and egg yolk. Mix well.

4. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until just moistened. The batter will be thick and kind of chunky. I think if very much so resembles soft Play-Doh.

5. Find a springform pan. Put half of the batter into the bottom of that springform pan.

6. Sprinkle all but 1/2 cup of the streusel on top of the batter in your pan.

7. Carefully spoon the Lemon Curd on top of the streusel, making sure to stay about 1/2 inch from the edge of the pan.

8. Carefully spoon the remainder of the batter on top of the Lemon Curd. Don't worry if it doesn't totally cover all of the Lemon Curd as the batter will expand while baking, filling in your gaps.

9. Top with the remainder of the streusel.

10. Bake at 350 degrees for 50-60 minutes. It's done when you stab it with a toothpick and it comes out clean.

11. Allow it to cool for about 10 minutes. Slide a knife around the edge of the pan to free the coffee cake.  Remove the sides of the pan.

Glaze
1/2 cup powdered sugar
2 teaspoons lemon juice

1. Combine the powdered sugar and lemon juice until they form a fun "icing."

2. Drizzle the glaze over top of the still-warm coffee cake.

3. Enjoy! You deserve it for managing to follow all of these steps! (I swear this one is easier than it seems like it would be. It also tastes better than you can possibly imagine.)

Don't. Touch. The. Cookie.