Ring Around the Rosie

Part of Project Keep Mila From Burning the House Down involves keeping her busy. And contained. Strapped into some sort of chair is ideal. Go ahead and judge me for that because the best way to keep her strapped into some sort of chair is to go for a bike ride. She sits in a little trailer and very happily follows me as I roll down a trail or two.

And I do mean VERY happily.

Lately Alexis and I have preferred a 7-mile trek down a particular trail that includes a little spot to stop and watch some frogs and turtles in a pond. Alexis is mostly in it so she can dance by the pond while Mila watches the frogs dance, but that works. Everybody should get to do what makes them happy.

Singing makes them both happy, by the way. Alexis sings for most of the bike ride. Right now she's been in a Despecito sort of mood, which would be find except that she doesn't know the words, so she sings like one line of it. Over and over.

I stay a little ways behind her as we bike. It's better that way. Ahem.

Mila sings, too. Today's song of choice was "Ring Around the Rosie." We all fall down, just so you know. Over and over. Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posey, ashes, ashes, WE ALL FALL DOWN ::cackle::cackle::cackle::

It goes just like that with her. She yells the part about falling down and then giggles. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

It's freakin' adorable.

UNTIL IT HAPPENS.

My soundtrack was playing at the exact moment that I miscalculated a steel post sticking out of the ground. I was trying to navigate between two of them -- barriers that are intended to keep cars off the trail -- when I went a little too far left and caught one of the tires from Mila's chariot on the post. The trailer stopped, the bike stopped ... I didn't stop.

I fell down, so to speak.

Mila howled with laughter. HOWLED. The kid had little tears falling down her cheeks because she was laughing so hard. When she recovered, she went back to singing her song.

So there's the answer to one of my life's questions. I've always wondered what sort of person could enjoy a Three Stooges movie and there it is. Mila. Mila thinks people crashing is hilarious.

Hello, Puppymonkeybaby Month

What was once a hypothesis is now a proven fact: Alexis turns into a raging jerk about a month before her birthday. It strikes like lightning. Perfectly timed, always on schedule lightning. Christmas will come and go and suddenly I will find myself dealing with a miserable little human who can't figure out how to keep her mouth from getting her in trouble.

It has always been that way. I figured out the pattern when she was probably five. Since then, I've looked forward to our annual mutual dislike with much apprehension. We've reached the point where she makes it about ten minutes into her annual month of raging jerkiness, hands me something she cares about knowing she has earned a punishment, and says, "I KNOW. You always love me but you don't always like me. WHATEVER."

And then she storms off and we weather the storm for a month. Then POOF! the misery clears like magic within a few days of her birthday.

I had long wondered if Alexis is the only kid who does it. Is it possible that other kids have a time of year when they just lose their damn minds? And does it have to do with birthdays?

HI, MILA.

When the month leading up to her birthday came and went and Mila was just plain pleasant, I started to think Alexis is an isolated case. I mean, you guys, Mila was so pleasant.

Past tense. I used past tense there.

After going back through some archive posts, I can now say with relative certainty that Mila also has a month of letting her mouth get her in trouble. She waits until AFTER her birthday, though. I don't know for sure exactly when she magically morphed into Puppymonkeybaby, but GOOD GRIEF.

This is the most accurate representation of Mila possible.

Licking included.

Target with Mila looks just like this on repeat. The whole time. Including the licking things she claims are hers. Unrelated: Why am I perpetually tired?

A post shared by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Jun 18, 2017 at 7:00pm PDT

The child has lost her damn fool mind. She's running around like a complete wackadoo, licking everything in sight (including the walls at Target because why not), listening to nothing, and generally just making me nuts.

She is the Puppymonkeybaby. I just hope it ends soon.

Boozy No Bake Cherry Cheesecake

You know how sometimes you get invited to A Thing but then you forget about That Thing and then you find yourself without any food to take to The Thing? There's the eternal debate about whether to just stop and grab something on the way or to try to throw something together.

Or so I hear. I have definitely never found myself at T-2 hours trying to decide.

Ahem.

CHEESECAKE! There's always time to throw together a no bake cheesecake. I tend to keep cream cheese and heavy cream in my fridge at all times, so it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to done.

TAH-DAH!

Boozy No Bake Cherry Cheesecake

1 Pre-made chocolate graham cracker pie crust (Or make your own. Whatevs.)
1 cup pitted cherries
1/2 cup rum (Pick your poison. It all works.)
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 cup heavy cream
1 8-oz package cream cheese, softened
2/3 cup sugar (Yes, again. The sugar above goes with the cherries. This sugar goes with the cheesecake.)
1 teaspoon almond extract

1. Start by throwing the cherries in a non-stick saucepan over medium heat. Stir the cornstarch into the rum. (You could use water if the boozy thing isn't working for you, by the way.) (I often have to use water because apparently the words "Leave the rum alone" are apparently hard.) (AHEM.) Throw the rum in with the cooking cherries. Add the sugar, stir things up, and allow to simmer for about 10 minutes, or until a thick sauce forms. Make sure to stir it every few minutes to prevent burning. Toss the whole saucepan in the freezer to cool while you work on the other stuff.

2. Heavy cream! We need to turn it into whipped cream! Throw it in a mixing bowl and mix on high speed until peaks form.

3. Another bowl! Yeah, we're getting dishes dirty. It happens. ANYWAY. Cream cheese! Place it, the sugar, and the almond extract in a large mixing bowl and mix on medium speed until everything is smooth and creamy.

4. Fold the whipped cream into the cream cheese stuff.

5. Cherries! Remember those guys? Pull them out of the freezer and fold in all but a few spoonfuls of them. You're saving those cherries for garnish. Let's call it 1/4 cup of them, just for funsies.

6. Pour the cheesecake stuff into your crust and smooth the top out. Top with the reserved cherries. Toss some shaved chocolate on top of it all, if you want. (Shaved chocolate = Run a chocolate bar over a grater and call it a day.)

7. If you're in a hurry, toss the whole shebang into the freezer until you leave for The Thing you forgot about. Otherwise, refrigerate before serving.

8. Admire how fancy you seem, even though you really didn't do much work.