Hello, Puppymonkeybaby Month

What was once a hypothesis is now a proven fact: Alexis turns into a raging jerk about a month before her birthday. It strikes like lightning. Perfectly timed, always on schedule lightning. Christmas will come and go and suddenly I will find myself dealing with a miserable little human who can't figure out how to keep her mouth from getting her in trouble.

It has always been that way. I figured out the pattern when she was probably five. Since then, I've looked forward to our annual mutual dislike with much apprehension. We've reached the point where she makes it about ten minutes into her annual month of raging jerkiness, hands me something she cares about knowing she has earned a punishment, and says, "I KNOW. You always love me but you don't always like me. WHATEVER."

And then she storms off and we weather the storm for a month. Then POOF! the misery clears like magic within a few days of her birthday.

I had long wondered if Alexis is the only kid who does it. Is it possible that other kids have a time of year when they just lose their damn minds? And does it have to do with birthdays?

HI, MILA.

When the month leading up to her birthday came and went and Mila was just plain pleasant, I started to think Alexis is an isolated case. I mean, you guys, Mila was so pleasant.

Past tense. I used past tense there.

After going back through some archive posts, I can now say with relative certainty that Mila also has a month of letting her mouth get her in trouble. She waits until AFTER her birthday, though. I don't know for sure exactly when she magically morphed into Puppymonkeybaby, but GOOD GRIEF.

This is the most accurate representation of Mila possible.

Licking included.

Target with Mila looks just like this on repeat. The whole time. Including the licking things she claims are hers. Unrelated: Why am I perpetually tired?

A post shared by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Jun 18, 2017 at 7:00pm PDT

The child has lost her damn fool mind. She's running around like a complete wackadoo, licking everything in sight (including the walls at Target because why not), listening to nothing, and generally just making me nuts.

She is the Puppymonkeybaby. I just hope it ends soon.

Comments

[bluz]

My nephew had a phase of licking people, when he was about that age.

One afternoon we were at my sister's place and he toddled up and licked her on her bare knee.

She very sweetly said, "Daniel, sometimes people don't like it when you lick them."

He looked up and replied, "But sometimes they DO!"