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Summer May Have Left Me in the Dust, but BOOO!

A funny thing happened this past weekend--I woke up and suddenly realized that somebody had shoved September off a cliff and replaced it with October. Hello, holiday season!

It's no secret I love Christmas, but there's something I love EVEN MORE. It comes with fun costumes, spooky decorations, and . . . and . . . AND CHOCOLATE! You can try to tell me it's a pagan holiday and blah, blah, blah, but when I think Halloween? I think candy! And woohoo! I have a kid who is old enough to Trick or Treat, meaning I can get strangers to give me her candy. Better yet, I have an alien kid who doesn't like junk food, so I won't even have to fight her for those Snickers bars!

I might be a little bit excited about this. Ahem.

In honor of the start of The Wonderful Holiday Season, Alexis and I have started with the decorating. Um, yeah, I'm a dork and decorate for Halloween. Not as much as I would like, mind you, but I certainly decorate more than average.

We started by erecting a little cemetery in our front yard. We do it every year, so it's really not all that interesting. Nor is the giant inflatable ghost or the giant inflatable, uh, guy-like thing. We throw in a few wispy light-up ghosts, skeletons, and a bunch of pumpkins and it's all good.

Well, it's all good except for the fact that, of course, the tender-hearted tiny person is totally a chicken and is scared to death of most of my decorations. Instead of actually helping me decorate, Alexis spent her afternoon just outside of the magical invisible bubble looking on. She maintained a safe distance from the entire shebang, never letting on that she was freaked out, but being very sure to not take even a single step towards the "scary stuff."

I don't do "cute" at Halloween. There will be no teddy bears donning cute little ghost costumes. Nor will there be cute little black kittens with friendly witches and smiling bats. I want death, blood, guts, and creepy crap. I want HALLOWEEN. I'll tone it down a teeny tiny bit for the little coward, but she really needs to get with the program.

I have a feeling she just might come around to my way of thinking.


Not Whining at All.  Promise.

I'm fine with taking the good with the bad. Really, I am. We have not heard the Washed Up Latina Whore's name around these parts ALL WEEK. It's such a beautiful thing, and we owe it all to Snow White.


I don't know if I had ever actually watched that entire movie before this past week. I know I was fairly familiar with the premise, but somewhere along the line I totally didn't remember some of the more "interesting" parts of Snow White. You know, like the part where there's a guy with a giant dagger trying to stab Snow White to death. I also forgot about how the forest comes to life as a terrified Snow White runs for her life. Then there's the whole thing where the evil queen wants Snow White's heart delivered to her in the box. Mickey? Was not thinking about the two-year old kids when he made that movie.

But yet, Alexis LOVES that movie. She has watched it approximately eighty eleven seventeen bajillion times this week. Each time she watches it's like watching a mental patient going on and off meds in fast forward. She's happy! She's sad. She's happy! She's sad. The poor kid stands there staring at the TV alternating between BAWLING her eyes out and nearly falling over laughing. She really can't handle the scary parts, but refuses to to just stop the madness.

It's exhausting to watch. And heart-wrenching.

We've tried reasoning with her. We've tried explaining things to her. We've tried cutting her off altogether. We've finally resorted to trying to protect the poor kid from her own sensitive self. We stand there, right next to her, with the remote in hand, quickly fast forwarding every time a scary scene comes up.

Who would have thought that a six-year old Washed Up Latina Whore would be a better babysitter than the fair-skinned young woman who lives with seven short people?


Tree Hugger