In this corner, we have Powder "P-Money Bunny," the heavyweight champion of the house.
Weighing in at a hefty 24 pounds, he has never met a bowl of food he couldn't destroy in under thirteen seconds.
And in this corner, we have his challenger, Ali "Missing Some Marbles" Kitty.
She's a lightweight, weighing in at a meager eight pounds, but what she lacks in size she makes up for in vocal skills. This girl, she can WHINE louder and longer than any creature on this earth.
The challenge: Who will win the right to be Master of the Food Universe?
The reigning champion, Powder, really doesn't care what kind of cat food is stocked at the buffet. He will eat it all. ALL OF IT. (Obviously.)
Of course there's a catch!
The almighty P-Money Bunny is allergic to corn meal. As in, the corn meal goes in, and it comes back out the ugly way. Would you like to guess how many times in his life I have stepped in a puddle of cat puke? If you're answer was anything other than "Too many," you are wrong. See also: I hate cat food companies and their need to continuously reformulate their food as they try to make a bigger profit. (I'm glaring at you, Iams.)
In the other corner we have Ali. No sensitive stomach here! Nope, in fact, she seems to be way healthier than the other beast, and not just because she's 14 years younger than him. She can eat absolutely anything, including stink bugs, and show no ill effects.
Of course there's a catch!
She's not real bright, but Ali knows what she wants. She wants Science Diet Kitten Food and NOTHING ELSE. You can try to give her Powder's food or tuna or a $500 steak dipped in glitter and unicorn farts, but she won't eat it. She will follow you around crying and screaming and telling you how very moronic you are. If I spoke Meow, I think I would learn that she's yelling, "I may not be all that bright, but I *know* that's not MY food. Snap to it, human! Get it right!"
So, fine! They can have separate food!
Except that they can't.
Powder is a thief. A sneaky, hungry thief who spends a great deal of time looking for ways to get at the kitten food. He snarfs it all in less than four seconds and then later pukes it all back up.
If I live to be 100, I still will never understand why he seems shocked every single time he eats forbidden food and then throws up. It's as if it hasn't happened over and over and over and over again HIS ENTIRE LIFE.
Ali is officially old enough to not need the kitten food. Yay! We'll just switch her over to Powder's food! Except, no we won't! Because she won't eat it!
We gave her a 50/50 mix of her food and his food two days ago. She refuses to eat it. In fact, she vocally refuses to eat it. Instead, she follows us around chewing us out about the fact that the food in her bowl has been tainted by something other than her preshuuuusssss Science Diet crap.
Which makes Powder puke.
But she won't eat anything else.
And he pukes everything else.
Round and round we go. Who will win the battle to be Master of the Food Universe?
My money is on the gray one starving. Once you've had slimy cat puke squished between your toes at 2:00am, you become impervious to whining and crying.