The Naughty List

I'm about to tell the ending of a very long story before the beginning, but it has to be done. I cannot continue to be the only person who has seen the photo I'm putting at the end of this post.

WAIT! YOU CAN'T JUST SCROLL TO THE PHOTO! You have to read the words first!

Or don't. Whatever.

ANYWAY.

The longer version of this story told in the correct order carefully lays out that Mila is not a shy child. At all. With that summarized, let's talk about how Alexis didn't have school Monday so I took the day off. I declared it a girls' shopping day and we headed for the mall.

We walked to and fro quite happily. It was great. But then I spotted the Santa line and I was all IT IS MEANT TO BE! The line was short and the girls were sort of dressed decently. There wasn't even a puddle of snot on Mila's shirt! That's essentially a recipe for DO IT NOW, so we ran over and got in line.

Alexis is currently riding a wave of her best behavior because the blackmail that is Christmas is amazing. Mila wasn't quite as happy to be standing there, but she wasn't terrible. I focused on entertaining her as we waited.

We "nice touched" the ornaments on the giant tree.

We danced.

We rearranged my face as we yelled, "NOSE!" and "EYES!" and "HAIR!"

We flipped upside-down and spun around.

We smiled at people and yelled "HI!"

We pooped.

Well, that one wasn't so much a "we" project as it was a Mila project.

There were two problems with the situation. First of all, the diaper bag was in the car (OR SO I THOUGHT. That's yet another story for another day.). Second of all, WE WERE IN LINE. The stars had aligned and we were meant to be there!

So we stayed.

We stayed despite the fact that woman behind us was judging me so hard her face almost fell off. The only reason she was aware of our little situation is because she heard me tell Alexis, by the way. This was not a room-clearing situation. It was a, "Do you smell something?" and then sniff the baby's butt situation. Which, WHY DO WE DO THAT? Why do parents purposely smell something that can't possibly be pleasant instead of just changing a baby after a whiff?

It makes no sense.

Neither did her judging, but whatever. The feeling was pretty mutual thanks in no small part to the fact that her 8 or 9-year old boy was behaving like a doucheface.

So we stayed in line because it was short and Mila was still happy and blah, blah, blah.

Mila played peek-a-boo.

Mila laughed.

Mila waited.

And waited.

And WAITED.

What was a short line turned into a forever wait because there was a parent who made a decision to stay there until they got a perfect Facebook-worthy photo.  The kid wasn't really playing along, but that didn't stop the parent from dancing and yelling and making faces and basically we got to see the circus for free. While we waited. FOREVER.

So Mila's patience started to fade. 

And then it was our turn.

And ... WELP.

The second Mila exploded into a ball of fury, I started moving faster. I launched her into Santa's lap, took a step backwards, and told the photographer to get busy. Which, HOOBOY! I GOT JUDGED! AGAIN! I tried to explain that it wasn't worth trying to calm the screamer down, but the whole thing got lost in the river of screams that was flowing from Mila.

But the best, really, is that SANTA JUDGED ME SO HARD. He shot me the most disapproving face you've ever seen, even though I was sort of being considerate at that point. I mean, I could have grabbed Mila and worked on calming her down, but it would have taken ten minutes. All of the people in line would have had to wait even longer. I figured Mila isn't going to remember the trauma anyway, so just take the photo! Fast! Do it!

And that is how I wound up on Santa's naughty list. Permanently.

It was totally worth it for that photo.

Christmas Crazy Status: Not Quite There

Because of the nature of the beast, there's this weird thing I can do that lets me see exactly where we were with Christmas Crazy during past years.

We're behind right now.

If I adjust for dates and consider all of the factors, we still come up short compared to the past three years. So while there is a little boy who is going to wake up Christmas morning over-the-moon to discover some Star Wars figures, there's another little boy who is still holding out hope for some Barney things.

Somewhere there is a little girl who needs a some Joy in her life. We're going to deliver. But there's another little girl who is wishing for a baby doll. It's not there. Yet.

There is an older kid, probably 16 or 17, who is at a crossroads right now. Violence has ruled their childhood, but with the gift of a laptop this Christmas, they're going to choose a better path.We've got an another older kid who needs a little push as well.

We're delivering books. Lots and lots of books. The books will give kids who have seen the unthinkable the opportunity to escape. We need enough books to let every kid escape.

There are piles of socks and underwear that will be SO appreciated this Christmas. We shouldn't leave a single child barefoot.

There are a lot of toys that will make a lot of kids very happy this Christmas.

Let's make more kids happy.

Here's the Amazon Wishlist.

Or you can click the reindeer and I will do the shopping.

Mila's Cranberry Apple Bars

I spent a whole bunch of time trying to figure out a name for the concoction I'm posting below. I even  asked all of the people who tried it when I served them at a get-together for ideas. Nobody could figure out a good way to describe the beautiful mess that happened when I wanted to use some Granny Smith apples we had sitting around along with some cranberries, white chocolate, and walnuts.

But then I ate a third piece and I knew. I knew it has to be named after Mila. These bars, which start with a cookie base but then head into a very different direction, are sour but sweet, messy but delightful, and unexpected yet perfect. Those descriptors also work for a girl named Mila.

They're so good.

Mila's Cranberry Apple Bars

11/4 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 cup white chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 small Granny Smith apple, finely chopped
1 cup fresh cranberries
1 can sweetened condensed milk

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a medium mixing owl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt.

3. In a separate bowl, use a mixer to combine the brown sugar and butter until creamy. Add the vanilla and egg. Mix some more.

4. Gradually add the flour mixture to the flour/brown sugar fun while mixing on medium speed. Once everything is well mixed, stir in the white chocolate chips and walnuts.

5. Spray nonstick spray in a 13x9" baking pan (I prefer glass). Then spread out the dough all across the bottom of the pan. It's easy if you just drop it all in, dampen your hands with water, and then press the dough out flat.

6. Top the cookie base with the chopped Granny Smith apples and cranberries. Then drizzle the sweetened condensed milk over top.

7. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes or until the top is lightly browned.

8. Allow to cool completely before cutting. There's no good way to keep them from being gooey and messy, but cooling does help.

9. Enjoy!