Stupid Elf™ Season is Sort of Magical

According to some corners of the internet, if you don't like doing something for your kids, you just shouldn't do it.

You guys. YOU GUYS. If I just didn't do the things I don't want to do for the two goobers who call me "mom," I'd have SO MUCH TIME. Cereal for dinner every night! Nobody needs clean clothes! Say goodbye to the damn Elf on the Shelf!

Oh, yeah. The Stupid Elf™.

It's no secret that I would like to punch the stupid thing in the face. I actually may have done exactly that a few times. The entire process is a hassle, and I knew it would be, so I tried very hard to get out of it. Alas, Alexis' teacher had one in the classroom one year and that was all it took. The kid wanted one so badly she shook as she begged and then she tried to use her own money to buy one.

Welp. How can you NOT cave to that?

It should be noted that Alexis still believes in magic. Or at least she WANTS to believe in magic. So much. I think she must spend hours awake at night concocting elaborate stories that bring her back to magic being real. It's the only explanation I have for how she conveniently overlooks all of the things that she HAS to know. I mean, she's nearly 10 years old. She's a bright kid. There's simply no way she hasn't figured it all out.

So I play along. If she wants to believe in magic, I will create a little magic.

Because I can't comprehend spending actual time dealing with the Stupid Elf™, I started things out on the right foot. Our Stupid Elf™ basically just sits around. She doesn't do bad things unless Alexis does bad things. That means she has trashed Alexis' bedroom exactly once because the Stupid Elf™ super doesn't like when dirty clothes are left all over the floor.

Funny thing, that. It was the one and only time during Stupid Elf™ season that Alexis' room hasn't been pristine.

Stupid Elf™ season is also accompanied by a dishwasher that magically empties itself, shoes that find their way to the closet, coats that hang on the backs of chairs instead of piling up on the floor, and a delightfully polite child who uses her manners without being reminded.

IT'S MAGIC.

And it kind of makes me want to keep the Stupid Elf™ around a few extra months each year.

Except then I would have to deal with it and noooooope.

Of course, I say that, but Brittany the Stupid Elf™ is currently sporting a fancy crocheted wardrobe that certainly didn't drop from the sky. The look on Alexis' face when she found Brittany wearing said fancy crocheted things?

Worth every second of the hassle.

The best thing, though, is that by the time Mila falls in love with magic and the Stupid Elf™ and all of that, Alexis will be old enough to help. How much do you want to bet that the Stupid Elf™ takes a turn for the naughty?

Peppermint Crunch Junior Mint Cookies

Okay, internet, do you know about Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints? You do, right? Because if you don't, stop everything you're doing and go buy a box. Or ten.

Yes, really. They are THAT good.

I'm only willing to tell you about them at this point because I have acquired a few dozen boxes and have them happily hidden all around the house. They should last me a while, unless the oldest short person in the house finds them. If she does, it's all over. Mint is her jam.

The fact that mint makes her heart sing is why a certain short person has been destroying these cookies.

And I do mean DESTROYING.

I've been trying for a while to get the just right chocolate cookie to wrap around the Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints. After many failures, I think this is finally the one. With a cake-like texture, they very barely rise or spread while baking. They're the just right kind of chocolate needed so that they can sit back and let the Junior Mints sing.

I'm not sorry that I had to eat dozens of cookies before I finally got the recipe right.

Peppermint Crunch Junior Mint Cookies
(Makes approximately 5 dozen cookies)

(Technically you could use regular Junior Mints. I won't judge. Much.)

3 boxes Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints (1 box is for you to eat while hiding in a closet so that nobody can expect you to share. The other two boxes are for the cookies.)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 1/3 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon vanilla or peppermint extract (Do peppermint if you want super minty cookies. Stick to vanilla if you want something more subtle.)
1/4 cup white sugar (Yes, more sugar. This bit is for rolling the cookies in.)

1. Place the Junior Mints in the freezer.

2. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a few cookie sheets with parchment paper.

3. Time to make some cookies! Start with putting your flour, cocoa powder, and salt in a medium mixing bowl. Use a whisk to mix it up.

If you're super paying attention, right about now you're wondering where the leavening agent is hiding. THAT WAS THE TRICK. I finally ditched it and the cookies finally kept their shape. It's as if something logical happened ....

4. In a large mixing bowl, mix the butter and sugar. Add the eggs and mix a little more, making sure you scrape the sides of the bowl somewhere in there. Then add the milk and vanilla or peppermint extract and mix a little more.

5. Gradually add the dry ingredients to your eggs and sugar, still mixing. Keep doing that until everything is living in perfect harmony.

6. Time to roll some little balls! You want to roll little bits of the dough into balls that are about 1" across. Then roll the little balls in some sugar until they're well-coated. As you finish rolling, place cookies on your parchment paper. These only need to be about 1/2 inch apart.

7. Once you have a cookie sheet full of little sugar-covered chocolate balls, press a Peppermint Crunch Junior Mint into each cookie. You want the top of the candy to be flush with the top of the cookie.

8. Bake at 350 degrees for 7-9 minutes.

9. Allow to cool on the baking sheet for a few minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

10. Eat. Them. All.

Not Pictured: The Naughty One