When Furry Things Attack

The second I opened the car door, I heard it -- the distinctive gurgly roar that calls out in a frequency that only I can hear (APPARENTLY) demanding that I walk over to the pond. It's the sound of the pump choking and struggling for water.

Ignoring that sound is a potentially expensive idea since the pump can burn out, so while Alexis headed into the house to get the dogs, I grabbed Mila and headed to the pond. Even though darkness had already fallen, it was easy to see that the water level wasn't too low. That meant that something was happening in the filter box that was keeping water from getting to the pump efficiently.

I say "something" because while I was quick to think it was leaves that had gathered in the filtration that exists to catch things like leaves, it wasn't that long ago that I found a snake inside the box. So, I propped Mila on my hip and carefully bent over to shove the lid off of the box. I quickly jerked my hand back because YOU GUYS, THERE WAS A SNAKE IN THERE ONCE, and quickly realized it was definitely a leaf problem. The only animal in the box was a frog. With one eye firmly locked on the frog, JUST IN CASE, I leaned over to grab the filtration stuff so I could clear it ...

and ...

then ...

it ...

happened.

Something furry brushed up against me.

Let's start with what I didn't do, shall we? I did not scream. I did not drop Mila and run. I didn't fall in the pond. Therefore, WIN! I might have let out a long sting of cusses as I went into full-on panic mode, but the baby was safe! And everybody was dry!

Once I calmed down enough to think coherently, I set out to try to figure out what furry thing had touched me in the dark. Which, is there a scarier sentence than that one? Furry things touching people in the dark is basically the reason nightmares exist.

ANYWAY. I looked around, half expecting to never find the answer which would just result in even more nightmares. Instead, I did find the answer. Glowing eyes stared at me from a foot away. I would have freaked the hell out and thrown Mila in the pond while I ran away, but the glowing eyes were accompanied by a friendly little "meow."

Phew.

A cat.

But it wasn't our cat. It was a solid black kitten. I've seen her around before, but never right by the pond. She must have been trying to fish when we pulled up and then hid under the patio table when I approached.

She's friendly, by the way. I already knew that, but I suppose the fact that she brushed up against me in the dark means she's the sort of friendly that is born from EVIL. PURE EVIL.

I returned to my task, dumping the leaves out of the pond filter, and ignored my frenemy the cat. As I worked, Mila struggled to free herself from my grasp because obviously. KITTY. RIGHT THERE. MUST ATTACK KITTY WITH LOVE.

Alas, there was still a frog staring at me, making sure I knew it could jump at my face at any second, so I ignored all of the things and worked on replacing the filter. Mila struggled. The frog stared. I carefully balanced on a stepping stone while trying to keep all of the other things under control. The cat meowed.

And then the door opened. Only a minute or two had passed since I had started my encounter with the cat, and now Alexis had the dogs on leashes and was taking them outside. Great! The dogs made it about ten steps before they realized there was something strange in the neighborhood. And JUSTLIKETHATBOOM.

The dogs ran full-speed at the cat, ripping their leashes out of Alexis' hand and very nearly knocking Mila and me into the pond.

The cat ran.

So did the dogs.

Alexis screamed then took off to chase the dogs.

I was still worried about the damn frog.

"PENNY! CODY!" Alexis yelled out in the darkness, pleading with her dogs to return.

"KITTY!" Mila chimed in.

The dogs ran into the street, their heavy plastic leashes bouncing behind them, as the cat ran into a neighbor's garage. Alexis chased after them, yelling at the top of her lungs. I chased after Alexis with a wiggly, impatient baby balanced on my hip.

So much yelling.

So much chasing.

I think we can add the whole fiasco to our very long list of reasons our neighbors think we're nuts.

 

That Wig, Though

If you have something you need repeated, some words or even a gesture, I have got the girl for you. Mila has hit the parrot phase in a BIG way. That means we're all having a grand old time doing all sorts of crazy things so that we can watch her mimic us.

But, with great power comes great responsibility. I can't speak for the other people in this house, but I'm making sure I teach the kid useful life skills. Like, I taught her to say "trick or treat" on Halloween.

If you're thinking that a tiny person in a giant blond wig saying "trick or treat" sounds like the cutest thing ever, YOU ARE CORRECT. While you're picturing her awesomeness, you should add in a plastic pumpkin bucket. She saw other people carrying them, so she insisted that she drag that thing around all over the place. She mimicked her way to strangers' doorsteps, peeped her little "ti-teet," and then carefully placed candy in her pumpkin.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

That means that it was only a matter of time before her lightweight little bucket became something altogether different. I tried to help her about a bajillion times, but Mila was having none of it. She wanted to drag that bucket around, even if it did weigh more than her.

Ginger was just as ridiculous as you would expect.

A photo posted by Burgh Baby (@burghbaby) on Oct 31, 2015 at 6:26pm PDT

Now, most of the time, Mila rode in her car. This is probably the only year that I won't make her walk for her treats, so I made sure to encourage her to enjoy being the blond cruising around in the red convertible as much as possible. But, the girl likes to walk. Thus, she spent more than a few minutes staggering in that wobbly way only toddlers and drunk people stagger. While dragging her candy bucket. While wearing the ridiculous blond wig.

It didn't take long for the wig to go askew.

Not long after the askewness struck, Mila found herself fighting a losing battle. She wanted to carry that bucket, but she just couldn't do it. Her answer to that horror was to sit her butt down in the middle of the street and drunk whine.

You know the whine. The drunk-sorority-girl-who-just-can't-go-on-another-second whine. She's always got big hair, impractical shoes, and she's completely incoherent as she babbles about the injustices of the world.

In theory I took Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers trick-or-treating. In reality, I took Fred Astaire and a drunk sorority girl trick-or-treating.

About Fred and Ginger

There are a lot of things I will happily take credit for, but the idea for the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers costumes? I can't take any of the credit for that. That honor belongs 100% to Grandma Alexis aka Fred.

I don't know that anyone has dressed up as Fred and Ginger since the days when talking on the phone meant you had to stay near the wall because a cord tied you in place. Maybe before that. So putting together those costumes required a bit of thought.

Of course, Alexis figured it out in about 10 seconds. "Mom, Amazon sells everything. They will have a Fred Astaire costume."

And they did. Except, they called it a "boys tuxedo." Minor detail.

(I found it suuuuper interesting that Miss I Want a Girl Elvis Costume was totally fine with a boy costume this year. I did have to stop her from dipping it in glitter, though.)

As for Mila aka Ginger, well, I made that dress.

I mention that because YOU GUYS. I SEWED SOMETHING. SUCCESSFULLY. THAT WASN'T STRAIGHT LINES.

That might be the most unexpected thing that has happened in months. I only did it because every fancy "Ginger Rogers-esque" dress I could find was $80 or more and NOPE. All the nopes. I refused to pay that sort of money to the point that I was willing to give up a few evenings so that I could sew.

AND I DID SEW!

Sorry. I'm still in shock over the whole thing. I mean, it mostly looks like an actual dress! I half expected to end up rushing out to buy an overpriced dress an hour before trick-or-treating because I was certain I was going to end up with a ball of fabric.

But I didn't!

It's a dress! That you don't even notice because THAT WIG.

Mila in a wig is my new favorite thing. Obviously.