Tigger Can Stay

While the Big Kid and her (lack of) sleep patterns have always befuddled me, Mila I understand. Little Miss Mila and I are sleep twinsies. We both will happily stay up until all hours of the night, but don't expect us to be coherent until the clock finds double digits.

If you're lucky, that is. We both like to wake up at noon even more than we like than 10:00.

Unfortunately, noon is not a choice. My alarm starts yelling at me before 6:00 rolls around, and I need Mila awake not long after. Unfortunately, and I don't know why, I am completely unable to wake a baby. As in, I can easily spend half an hour staring at a sleepy baby and having an anxiety attack just thinking about poking the tiny little person.

I've been late for work a lot because it took me a while to work up the nerve to wake the sleeping Mila.

It was on one of those mornings when I was trying to muster the cajones necessary to wake her up that I started to really question why I'm so bad at waking her. It should be noted that she wakes up perfectly pleasant. It's not easy to wake her, but it's not like she rips heads off or anything. Usually she smiles and coos and is perfectly happy to start her day.

(That will end. My sleep twinsie will become a beast in the morning in about ten years.)

So as I was standing there trying to figure out why I'm such a wimp, Alexis came trouncing into the room. She's the Tigger to my Eeyore early in the day so just looking at her as she bounced made me want to snarl. I mean, how is she so happy so early in the day? It's ... exhausting.

As I pondered, the answer to my question bounced in front of me. I can't wake a sleeping baby because only a moron would wake a sleeping Alexis. Waking a sleeping Alexis is essentially impossible, to be honest, because she is ALWAYS awake. I mean, I could probably count the number of times I've woken that child up. Even if I counted in her entire life, the number would be low. Very low.

And with that, it came to me. For years and years, Alexis made sure I knew that she was awake because she used to wake me up. Every morning. At WAY TOO EARLY o'clock.

That is the moment when I put Alexis in charge of waking Mila each morning. Alexis is the alarm clock and then fashion coordinator responsible for getting Mila ready each and every morning.

It works beautifully. That skill that Alexis has mastered, the ability to wake people, is finally focused in a productive way. She's a master alarm clock who now just needs to find a way to turn her skill into a career.

In the meantime, she practices.

She starts with an in-your-face stare.

Then she smooches her victim.

Then she pokes.

Then she pokes harder.

Next comes the hug tackle.

And then the victory.

All of the Things Season

It has been a bit since it started, but we have landed ourselves right in the middle of All of the Things Season. There's dance and cheer and more cheer and did I mention dance? Because dance.

Basically, I spend my waking hours making sure Alexis is where she is supposed to be.

Somehow between last All of the Things Season and this one, I managed to forget that I'm a socially awkward introvert who can't be trusted to spend time around other parents. Before you argue that point, I should mention that it took all of two hours of All of the Things Season for me to make three enemies. I most definitely won't be getting a Christmas card from any of them, but that's okay because there's no love lost on this side of things either.

Long of the short, it doesn't matter where you go or how great of a job a dance studio or cheer organization does, there will be That Mother. There will always be That Mother who is living vicariously through her daughter and forgets the part  about the girls over there being KIDS who should be having fun. They are kids who shouldn't be mocked or insulted or any of those sorts of things. They should be encouraged and supported and adored because they're amazing.

And maaaaaybe if you are complaining about other kids not being good enough to be on the same team or squad as your kid, maaaaaybe you're a jerk. And maaaaaaybe I said something to three different women who maaaaaaybe need to remember that.

ANYWAY.

Right around the time my mouth ran away without my brain, it occurred to me that my little sidekick might like to check out a playground or something. That is how it came to be that Mila discovered that she super loves to go down the slide. She learned to walk just in time to be able to climb up the stairs, WEEEEEEE! her way down the slide, and then toddle her way back to the stairs so she can repeat the process. She has done that exact thing approximately 39532953 times in the past few days. Each time it looks like this.

Or this.

Or this.

So basically what I'm saying is that All of the Things Season is most definitely my favorite.

Sleep, Glorious Sleep (And a Giveaway)

Sponsored by Technogel.

I really love sleep.

I mean, I really REALLY love sleep.

Sometimes I think about the things that I love more than sleep and, man, it's a short list. It's a short list that consists of the precise reasons I don't get enough sleep.

Their names are Mila and Alexis. One before the other, one more than other, but always one or the other gets in the way of glorious, glorious sleep.

Given how much I adore my friend sleep and how rarely I get to spend time with her, you would think that I would be thorough in figuring out how to make the best of our time together. You would think that I would make sure I have the comfiest of beds, the best of blankets, and the perfect pillow. You would think wrong. The fact of the matter is that I'm too tired to think those things through.

That's my excuse for why I've had the wrong pillow for years and years. I just didn't know, nor did I think about it because sleep. What's that? I forget. It might be what Mila is dragging around all over the living room right now (at 10:30 pm, no less), but I can't be sure because I'm too tired to go look.

Sleeeeeeep.

ANYWAY.

I never knew I had the wrong pillow. I still wouldn't know if a Technogel pillow hadn't shown up on my doorstep. I never knew that the reason my neck was wonky every morning and the reason my back wasn't quite right each day was that the super fluffy down pillow I've slept on for years was wrong. All wrong. It was too soft and not right and just plain awful in comparison to what I have now.

The difference was instant. One night with the Technogel pillow that was selected because I'm a side sleeper who doesn't like contour anything, and suddenly all the "man, I'm getting old" creaks of the morning were gone. ONE NIGHT.

I'm kind of ticked about all of those nights I didn't have it. A PILLOW. A pillow is all it took to fix my creaky neck and back. Mind you, it's a pillow filled with unicorn tears and magical little minions who exist solely to make sure I sleep as comfortably as possible. Still, A PILLOW.

If you would like to see if you can vastly improve upon your relationship with sleep like I did, leave a comment below telling me your preferred sleep position. (For example, my absolute preferred position is currently on my side as the big spoon while Mila little spoons her way into my heart.) (Baby cuddles, man. They're awesome, even if they do come with a side of frequently awake.) I will pick one comment at random from all comments received by midnight on August 19th. Technogel will send the comment author a fancy new pillow of their own. Easy!

To increase your odds of winning your own pillow filled with unicorn tears and magical little minions, you can also check out this contest. Upload a photo of why you #WakeUpInspired and you can win a pillow AND $2000. Because awesome.

By the way, this is why I #WakeUpInspired.