Changing Paths $1 At A Time

Ever have one of those "I need to win the lottery moments?" I had one earlier this week. It was a moment when it seemed that everything would be easier if a nice chunk of money would fall out of the sky and land in our checking account.

Of course, it would need to be a "nice chunk" of money.

I spent some time pondering how much exactly a "nice chunk" would be. It occurred to me that the number has changed over the years. I thought about how there was a time when $100 would have drastically changed my path. In college, I paid my car payment, insurance, and paid for other essentials with around $150 per month. Now $100 wouldn't make a dent in changing my path.

It would be nice, sure, but it wouldn't be life-changing for even a short amount of time.

Then I realized that there was a time when $100 did change my path. I went to Spain as an exchange student in high school. The experience changed my life forever, and it cost about $4000 total. I paid for it by working four jobs the summer before I left and by begging for help. I wrote letters to the local Kiwanis, the Elks Club, and others. Some of them responded by sending a check for $50 or $100.  One of those small checks was the tipping point.

My path was different ... better. I was able to do something more in life thanks to the kindness of strangers.

You have the power to change someone's path. It doesn't take much.

Right now, Center for Victims is providing emergency shelter to a woman who had the courage to run away from a terrible situation. She fled with the clothes on her back and her children in tow. She has no plan for tomorrow or the next day. Right now she's just putting one foot in front of the other as she figures out her path.

Imagine the difference it will make in her life when she's able to hand her little girl a Barbie on Christmas morning. Imagine the moment of normalcy and joy that will come when she watches her little boy play with the toy cars a stranger provided. It won't fix all of the problems, but it will be a step towards better.

It's about empowerment. It's about normalcy.

It's about changing someone's path for the better.

Drop a toy off at Anchor and Anvil.

Send an item off of the Amazon wishlist.

Or throw a few dollars into the well.

Thanks to y'all who have already helped. You are positively amazing.

I'm Not The Sharpest Tool In The Crayon Box

If you need a reminder that you are not the dumbest person ever, read on. I'm here to make you feel better.

(It's very telling that I just typed "I'm hear" and then stared at it for a minute not fully realizing what was wrong. WELP.)

Today was the day when Mila was scheduled for her six-month well visit. I actually thought it was supposed to be yesterday, but Tuesday, December 2nd isn't the same as Monday, December 1st, even if you think it is. I almost rescheduled that well visit thanks to my inability to read a calendar, but there was this thing that kept happening all weekend. Mila wasn't quite right. She wasn't miserable, exactly, but she was a bit edgier. Like, if you made eye contact at the wrong moment, she might cuss at you. More than usual.

Also, there was ear tugging.

So it wasn't a total and complete surprise when I said "You should definitely check her right ear" and it was followed by "Welp! Ear infection!"

Letting a baby suffer with an ear infection over a holiday weekend wasn't my biggest WHOOPS, though.

My biggest WHOOPS involves my mouth and my brain and how they don't always check in with one another before words happen. My first WHOOPS involved the pediatrician asking about milestones and development and stuff.

You guys, not everybody will realize you're joking if you say that you push the baby over every time she looks like she's thinking about crawling.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess there is an explanation for the pediatrician not catching the sarcasm, though. I only figured out the explanation because I put my foot in my mouth in another way. 

As is usual during appointments like that one, the pediatrician asked about sleep (GLORIOUS SLEEP!). The thing about that is that Mila has sucked big hairy donkey balls with the sleep (GLORIOUS SLEEP!) thing since I went back to work. She doesn't want bottles, so she waits until I'm around to eat as much as possible. That means she eats at night and uses her ability to go hours without food during the day.

While I have certainly had days when I have been teetering on the edge of insanity because of sleep (GLORIOUS SLEEP!) deprivation, for the most part I'm very OH WELL about the whole thing. Alexis broke me in ways that no human should be broken, so getting up to feed a baby 2-3 times a night is no big deal. Mila wants to sleep (GLORIOUS SLEEP!) so I have no doubt that as she weens, she will return to sleeping at night. I can see the end with her. Therefore, go ahead and get up a bunch at night. It's cool. I can handle it.

I said as much to the pediatrician. She looked at me like I have seven heads, but that wasn't entirely unexpected. I'm sure she hears from desperate moms all day long. I just happen to be in a better place now because I know what truly bad feels like.

The pediatrician commented on my positive outlook, to which I replied, "It's dumb to stress about sleep when you can't control it."

I believe that, by the way. It's so much easier to survive when you relinquish the illusion of control.

Not everyone agrees, though.

Especially not a very sleep-deprived and desperate mother of 3 month-old twins.

So after I inadvertently told the pediatrician that she was nuts for getting worked up about getting enough sleep, I was pretty sure that her sarcasm detector was broken because she hasn't slept in three months.

I feel bad for her. Having a broken sarcasm detector has to be awful.

By the way, I'm not just an idiot because I made a pediatrician feel bad. I also can't remember my baby's date of birth. When picking up her prescription, I knew she was born in May, but then I couldn't finish the rest of it. I ran through the whole conversation a little like this:

"May 21st. Wait. No. The husband was born the 21st. It's the 23rd. Wait. No. That's me. She was definitely born on the 27th. Or Alexis was. WAIT! MILA WAS BORN ON MAY 29TH! Of this year. Which is ... ? Seriously, what year is it?"

So now a pediatrician and a pharmacist know I'm an idiot.

I can't wait until Mila figures it out.

Celebrating Good With New York Life

If Thanksgiving is the best thing ever then Friendsgiving is the bester thing ever.  I often joke (not so jokingly) that I collect awesome people. 40 or so of those awesome people gather together at my home the Sunday after Thanksgiving for a feast and a celebration of thanks. We’re thankful for each other. We’re thankful for the good that has happened to us all during the past year. Most of all, we’re thankful for a chance to gather around the kitchen island and just be.

Thanksgiving is for celebrating good with the family you were born into or married into.

Friendsgiving is for celebrating good with the family you’ve chosen.

There are a lot of things about Friendsgiving that make it the bester, but here are top 5 reasons I look forward to it more than any other holiday.

1.       The food is AAAAAMAZING. One of my awesome people is a professional chef, so she is in charge of the critical menu items. The rest of us focus on making what we excel at making. For some, that’s a dessert that is to die for or maybe an appetizer that delights. Others specialize in making sure the plates and napkins are plentiful. In the end, we wind up with a menu that will leave you dreaming of surgically implanting a third or fourth stomach because there is never enough room to enjoy it all.

The most important part, though, is that no one judges any of it. Grandma Norma isn’t there to make a sour face when she discovers there is goat cheese in the mashed potatoes.

 2.       The company is really good at picking the right conversations. While Friendsgiving is spent with the people you trust the most, you don’t have to worry about the conversations veering into those delicate areas. There aren’t any questions about when you’re going to have another baby or when are you going to get married or any of that stuff.

Your friends know that you are incredibly grateful for that baby in the family room, even if she did show up a bit later than ideal. They won’t poke at that sore spot. In fact, they’re celebrating that new life every bit as much as you are.

3.       Your kids are truly free to be who they are. You are gathered with the people who are in the trenches of parenthood with you. They are the people you text when the baby is screaming, the dog is barking, the toddler is climbing the walls, and your husband is hiding in the garage “working” on something. They understand your frustrations and they know kids aren’t perfect because they are living the same wonderfully imperfect life.

Aunt Marcia might shoot you the side eye when your toddler flings mashed potatoes on the ceiling. At Friendsgiving, the conversation will be about appreciation that the mashed potatoes match the ceiling’s paint color.

4.       Speaking of kids, I don’t have to wonder what they’re doing or where they are because they are also with some of their favorite friends. Alexis positively adores her multitude of cousins and enjoys every minute with them, but it is different than when she hangs out with kids she has considered besties since she was born. She sees them more and knows them better, and so do I. Everyone is comfortable and happy. If things get out of hand, there is no doubt that one of the moms will say the just right words to send the situation in the right direction. And nobody will be offended.

5.       There is no expectation of a Pinterest-perfect celebration. When my crew gathers together at my home, the focus is on the food and the conversation. Nobody judges the ring of mildew in the toilet or the cat fur tumbleweed under the table. They don’t care that we’re using paper plates and plastic forks. Together is what matters.

Happy Holidays, y’all. I hope you get an opportunity to spend a day celebrating good, be it Friendsgiving or any other random day of the year.

I’m partnering with New York Life to Keep Good Going and we need your help. New York Life is donating 25 meals to Feeding America for every tweet that includes #KeepGoodGoing and #FeedingAMillion. Tweet about your favorite holiday tradition or memory using the hashtags and you’ll trigger that donation. 25 meals for just one tweet. You can also visit New York Life’s website to see ways others are celebrating the good in their lives and upload your own photo to share with others. (Through 1/9/15, New York Life will donate $2.50 for each approved post, with a minimum of $25K & a maximum of $100K.  See full terms and conditions at NewYorkLife.com/CelebratingGood. Find info about Feeding America at feedingamerica.org.

As a thank you for Celebrating Good, I have a $50 Visa Gift card and a $50 donation on behalf of BlogHer in the winner’s name to Feeding America up for grabs. Just leave a comment below telling me your favorite holiday tradition and you will be entered to win.

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