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Monday
Sep302019

Armed and Ready to Defeat Monsters

October is lurking in the corners, moments from attacking us all. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I have no idea. The last time I checked my watch, it was February and we were talking about Pittsburghers inability to drive in the snow and how Mila is amazingly adept at destroying me when it matters most.

Neither of those things have changed.

If anything, Mila has more finely tuned her skills. If I have plans for the weekend, she'll crash them. If I'm counting on her to put her shoes on while I let the dogs out, she'll throw her shoes at the dogs. If I expect her to eat the dinner I made, she'll stare at it blankly while asking for ice cream. She's contrarian, is what I'm saying. And challenging.

(She's going to be an AMAZING adult. She questions everything. When she's a grown-up in the working world and someday hears, "We do it that way because we've always done it that way," she's going to be even more of a bulldozer than I am, WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.)

So, this sleep thing. She was really good at it as a baby. Then she fell off the bandwagon and had to co-sleep to keep from being a beautiful disaster. Then she wanted a hamster, so she found a way to pull it all together for ... exactly one night.

HOOBOY IS SHE A MESS NOW.

Miss Mila has decided that she's scared of the dark. This is new, by the way. Never before has she so much as hesitated just because the sun has hidden for the day. She's always wandered the house even in the pitch black of the night, perfectly content because that kid ain't scared of nothing.

EXCEPT NOW SHE IS.

Her own shadow.

The monster who lives under her bed.

The skeleton hanging from the Halloween decoration in the dining room.

The old Woody doll that is waiting for a next home.

Her giant pile of clean laundry that just needs hung up.

EVERYTHING in scary. The dark and everything it envelopes is cause for fear and crying and generally everything is stupid.

This all started over the weekend. I'd like to blame it on Halloween decorations, but Mila swears she still likes them and nope. Not that. She had a bad dream and can't seem to shake it.

But ... Alexis is trying to help her. Somewhere in the chaos and confusion, Alexis mentioned to her little sister that she has "Monster Spray" in her bedroom. It looks suspiciously like one of the 123583483263171 bottles of body spray from Bath and Body Works ... but apparently it's actually "Monster Spray."

For what it's worth, Mila and Alexis have been fighting like CRAZY lately. It's new and it's frustrating and I'm going to fire them both, but not until after I'm done enjoying the fact that I can smell Mila and her vanilla-scented "Monster Spray" from about 8 miles away. I think Alexis must have given her a bath in it.

And it's pretty much the sweetest thing ever.

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