Day Sixteen

Everybody is in this same boat, but HOOBOY do I have a lot of jobs right now. I am a Product Manager by day, a Blogger by night, and somewhere in the middle I am a Kindergarten Teacher, an 8th Grade Teacher, a Cheer Coach, a Dance Teacher, a Principal, a Custodian, a Lunch Lady, a Guidance Counselor, the A/V Guy, and let's not forget that whole Mom thing. That one is probably sort of important and stuff.

I need to be fired from at least 8 of those jobs. Possibly 9. Legit FIRED.

The one that I'm failing at most is Kindergarten Teacher, but anyone who knows me could have guessed that. As much as I love age 5, I love the free-spiritedness and funny things they say. I do not want to tame it in any way, shape, or form. Mila says "Spaghetti" incorrectly? YOU JUST SHUT YOUR FACE. I don't want her to say it correctly. I like to cling to her wrongness with all of my soul. Don't color inside the lines, Mila. Be free! Be creative!

The packet of homework she has to complete and turn in each week begs to differ. It celebrates neatness and proper spelling and pronunciation and blurgh. It's stupid.

Oh, and it is a "packet of homework." Mila's teacher is emailing a packet each Monday morning and it's due by Friday. That's how distance learning is going to work, apparently. It's pretty great. I always wanted to squeeze 4-5 hours of school work into my day, which I have to because kindergarteners can't read directions. Sometimes Mila can look at a worksheet and figure out what she's supposed to do, but not usually. Because words. Reading. She's not there yet.

Also, her attention span is right up there with ... every five-year old. She's slightly more focused than I am, but SQUIRREL! Wait. What? Was I saying something?

Look, the kid will never be good at sticking with one thing for long periods of time. It's not in her DNA, and it's DEFINITELY not something she has developed at this point in life. Trying to get her to just do her homework requires bribery and trickery and all of the ice cream.

Sometimes I let Mila eat the ice cream, even.

So, fire me. PLEASE fire me.

Why can't I seem to get fired from these teaching gigs?