Easier and Harder and Not Easier at All

You know that thing where a soon-to-be or new parent starts talking about how hard everything is and how good they are at it and you're all HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JUST WAIT.

THAT.

HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT DURING THAT?

Okay ... so ... having kids who are over 8 years apart means I live in two different worlds. I've got tantrums on both ends of the spectrum, but they're wildly different. A little perspective grants me the knowledge that one of those kids is ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY easier to parent than the other, and it has everything to do with age.

What I'm saying is that I'll take a 4-year old tantrum ANY DAY. A hard day with Mila is exhausting and challenging and all of that, but Alexis can walk through the door, say three words, and knock the air out of me. Their problems may always seem big to both of them, but I know better. I know which one is genuinely living in a challenging world.

And I can't keep my mouth shut about it.

The thing with parents of 4-year olds is that they LOVE to complain to one another. If I spend five minutes around one of those parents, I guarantee they will tell me all about how they aren't getting enough sleep, their kid won't eat, OMG their kid is so stubborn, friends and playdates are hard, and have you tried to leave the house in a timely manner? All of those things are valid and genuinely hard, but then here comes the 13-year old with her problems.

Kids her age are thinking about suicide. They're smoking weed. They're drinking. They're having sex. My kid that age isn't doing those things (Yet! KEY WORD "YET!" STAY AWAY FROM ME, KARMA!), but she knows what's going on around her and she's working hard to make sense of it all. I'm glad (mostly) she tells me about all of those struggles, but uuuuuuuuuugh. It's hard. Legitimately hard. And there's no parenting manual for how to react when your kid asks for help because she's worried about one of her friend's safety.

So, if you're one of those parents of a little who has complained to me, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to "top" you with Big Kid Drama, it's just that parenting doesn't get easier. It just ... changes. It becomes harder in some ways and easier in others, but the problems are bigger and more complicated and you can't just pick up that kid and walk away from the situation. But! You can absolutely ask the Big Kid to make dinner before you get home, so take solace in knowing that. There are some things that are better. Promise. And maybe remind me of that when I won't stop telling you about the hard parts, okay?

Comments

[Heather]

Absolutely!!!! The parenting changes. I’ve had people tell me they can’t waut for the things that Ben does for me. But my heart breaks at some of things we talk about now. Being a teenager is hard and so is being the parent of one.