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Thursday
Mar072019

I Am In So Much Trouble

Preschooler Alexis was a NIGHTMARE when it came to the masterpieces she brought home from school. She wanted each and every one of them to be framed and treasured forever and ever amen.

Mila is worse.

With Alexis, I was eventually able to work out a deal where I would laminate one favorite piece of art each week. She would carefully select that one and then watch as I diligently photographed each and every other masterpiece before sending the pile to the magical place where kid art goes to spend its golden years.

Nothing went in the trash; it went to a place where other people could enjoy it. Ahem.

Mila, though. Mila is NOT buying into any of my scams.

I have tried every trick under the sun. I’ve laminated things, I’ve taken photos of things, I’ve left things sitting in a pile until the kid wasn’t home. She always KNOWS. Always. It doesn’t matter if I walk it directly to the trash can ten minutes before the trash guys show up while locking Mila in the pantry (which has no windows!), somehow the kid smells a criminal offense and loses her fool mind.

Not that I’ve ever actually locked her in the pantry. Not alone, anyway. She would climb the shelves and find my hidden snacks if I did that. Wait. What?

So! Earlier tonight, I realized the pile of precious scribbles had grown to the point of no return. I HAD to do something. I waited until Mila was busy torturing a cat and I quickly scooped up a bunch of it and shoved it deep down inside that place where you put things when it’s time for them to go away. (I am not saying the “T” word. MILA WILL KNOW.) I put a bunch of stuff on top of it. There were used paper towels and food scraps and all sorts of things.

I had concealed all evidence. I swear it.

AND YET SHE KNEW.

Miss Mila, she of much fury, decided to spill Cheez-it crumbs all over the kitchen, so she was helpful and swept them up. For real. It was pretty awesome, right up until the part where she opened the cabinet where the can that holds things we don’t need anymore is. She slid out the can to dump the crumbs and BAM!

I still haven’t found my head. Mila ripped it off and threw it so far away it may never be seen again.

We’re going to need a bigger house. I have to have more space to store all of the beautiful and perfect artwork.

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