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I Scream, You Scream, We All Want The Same Ice Cream

Confession: I hate taking my kid out for ice cream.

I'll do just about anything to avoid it. Ice cream? Who wants ice cream? LET'S GO TO BUILD-A-BEAR INSTEAD!

Yes, it's that bad.

The thing about taking Alexis for ice cream is that it always ends with me eating the only disgusting flavor known to humankind. ALWAYS.

If we go to the place with a ton of different flavors, I end up reading the menu board to her. The flavors change daily, so it's not all that hard for me to pull a little voodoo magic. "They have chocolate, strawberry, black forest, black raspberry chocolate chunk, heavenly hash . . . " conveniently skipping all of the flavors I don't want to eat . . . "mint chocolate chip, Oreo cheesecake, dutch apple crunch," etc. I only read what I might order. Simple.

Except that the damn kid can read just enough to find the horrendous grape ice cream. It's like her superpower or something. At the very moment I don't want her to be able to read, she'll find the one word that I fear the most and she'll sound that sucker out.

"I want purple dinosaur!" she'll proclaim.

"No, you don't," I tell her. Always.

"Yes, I do! Purple dinosaur!" she'll insist.

I always tell her that I know how that story ends and NO NO NO. Inevitably, though, I wind up letting her order what she wants and a few minutes later, I find it in my hands. She is a pro at turning, "Can I try a little bit of yours?" into "How about I just keep this and you keep mine? KTHXBAI."

I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT. I swear she must put some sort of spell on me. There is no other explanation for how she manages to get me to play along with her shenanigans. It happens every single time.

Same deal if we go to Dairy Queen. We always get Blizzards and no matter what I do, I end up eating her Blizzard while she eats mine. I once tried ordering the same thing for both of us and that little attempt at trickery made her head explode into a million pieces. Let's just say I won't do that again.

I really need to dig out our ice cream maker. It's time to make what I want at home and tell the kid to back away from my happiness.

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Reader Comments (13)

Hahahha this post encapsulated the trickiness of a kid so well.

"Can I try a little bit of yours?" into "How about I just keep this and you keep mine? KTHXBAI."


I have to tell the high school kid behind the counter to only put 1/2 of a scoop into the kiddie ice cream bowl because that's really all my 5yo will eat. That's how I end up paying $4 for 2 ounces of ice cream.

Kids and ice cream. For such a happy food, it really can be so damn stressful.

I think I'll cry the day my kids realize that I really let them get sprinkles so that I can "help" them when their cone is "dripping" and end up eating most of the sprinkles.

It'll be then that they insist on ordering something like Cotton Candy or Banana flavored ice cream.

July 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJayna @ Yankee Drawl

This just goes to prove what a mean mom I am. My kids don't know that they have the power to order anything except vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. I won't even let Bruster's put sprinkles and eyes on the kiddie cone - the eyes freak her out and the sprinkles melt and make a mess somehow. And they eat what they order because momma doesn't share more than a bite of her ice cream (I might be a little bit of an ice cream junkie).

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle Smiles

Story of my life. Mine is ALWAYS better. Although it's not happening as much now that she has discovered a local place's rainbow ice cream - not a nice, pastel rainbow sherbet (which she also loves) - instead, it's a deep blue, red and yellow. by the time she is done, her mouth, teeth, half her face, hands, and - inevitably - either her clothes, my table, the floor, and/or anything else in a 6-foot radius are dark purple.

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Ugh. Jack is (kinda) the same way. If he asks for a cone, then he takes two bites and wants a milkshake. Get him a milkshake and three sips into it he wants a cone. Grrr.

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertehamy

At least she tried different kinds. I try to get Hunter to try new flavors but nope - "I want chocolate." is all you can get out of him. Then he eats it SO slow that I could have completed a marathon before he's done eating - or drinking - it.

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlaina Frederick

Wow. You are way nicer than I am. There is no way I would trade my awesome ice cream for a crappy flavor. Uh-uh. Nope. Maybe just give her a few choices and if she won't pick from your list, she doesn't get any! I'm mean like that. ;)

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKat

oh fuck that noise. i'll bend a lot for kids, but i gotta draw the line at my ice cream. i am not proud about my selfishness, but it is what it is. i'm all about "you made a decision and now you will learn about ramifications." (regardless of their age...if they can make the decision in the first place, they gotta own it.) it is amazing that more kids don't hate me. then again, i didn't hate my mudder and she wouldn't give up her ice cream. guess i am more like her than i care to admit!

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

can you trick her by saying that you don't want any? then when she is just about done you order?

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

Make it in a plastic bag:

Except screw the part where you use milk or half-n-half and just use straight up heavy cream. We did this a couple of summers ago and it was good. REAL good. Sidenote: don't do it on your lawn unless you're trying to kill it. Grass doesn't like saltwater. Who knew?

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mommy

you need to go to mc donalds. they have vanilla, chocolate and swirl. Nothing else. (that's what I do)

July 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdesignhermomma

Since when does McDonalds have anything other than plain vanilla?

Alex gets what I give him. Then again, he's only half as old as Alexis, and he's just happy to get the ice cream in the first place!

July 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmber
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