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I'm Being Held Hostage by a Tiny Human

Sunday was a rough night. Mila couldn't sleep and when Mila can't sleep, she does what she can to destroy my will to live.  She can't read yet, so she doesn't realize that the memo that's on Page 1 of the Being My Kid Manual specifically states that I'm terrible at parenting after 9:00 pm. We were a mess together.

I think I got about three hours of sleep. Maybe.

That's my excuse. That's the only explanation I have for waking up Monday morning and being all, "You know what? We're done with diapers. Sorry about your luck, Mila." Like, I tricked the kid into wearing underwear and that was that.

It was a terrible idea.

We're talking about a kid that has hired a hitman to take out anyone who so much as asks her to make eye contact with a toilet. She has anger issues over the whole thing, which whatever. Go ahead and stay in diapers until college. I'm actually okay with it.

I know she's capable. I know she doesn't want to be capable. It's cool.

But yet Monday morning I sent her to daycare in underwear. Because I make terrible decisions when I haven't slept.

The long of the short is that there were a lot of tears. Mila cried, too. It went terrible, bad, and no good all day and well into the evening. So ... of course I did it again Tuesday. Why not? The kid was already stressed out beyond belief. And so angry.

It's really impressive how much anger a human as tiny as Mila can have.

But then a weird thing happened late Tuesday evening - Mila asked to go to the potty. There was no prodding or bribing or conniving, she just flat out asked to go. So! I took her! She did her thing (not really - she thinks sitting there counts as going WHICH IT DOES NOT) then washed her hands. Just as she dried her hands, she said, "I have to go potty."

I have thoughts about that.

But I let her because OF COURSE. The kid has been consistently opposed to being in the same room as a toilet. Requests to be there will be heeded. So! She went (not really) again, and then washed her hands, and then AGAIN with the "I have to go potty."

She repeated the cycle for 45 minutes. FORTY FIVE MINUTES.  For forty five minutes she rotated between pottying (not really), washing her hands, and declaring she needed to go. And then she did it again all day today. Mila has made going to the bathroom her full time job. I'm going to need Amazon to start delivering toilet paper daily because SERIOUSLY, KID.

I'm afraid to leave the house with her. On one hand, she's doing great with accidents. On the other hand, I AM NOT SPENDING HOURS IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM. Can you imagine going to Target and then not seeing the store because your kid insists on going potty every 7.3 seconds? Because that is what will happen.

But at least she's trying? I guess?

September17 047

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Reader Comments (1)

I'm debating doing away with overnights for my 4 year old, but he isn't anywhere near dry in the morning and for the last month or more he won't poop on the potty, just in his overnights. I'm afraid of the disaster that will turn into though.

September 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRobin
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