I'm Never Punctual and There Is a Reason

I've decided that I have no need for a time machine. I've figured out exactly how to stop time - hand Mila a bowl of cereal. I've often said that her ideal state is to be seated at an all-you-can-eat buffet all day long because her best life is lived eating slowly. Constantly. Always.

I swear I am ready to lose my mind over Cheerios. I'm growing new grey hairs in the time it takes for Mila to eat her little bowl of Cheerios each morning. One. Cheerio. At. A. Time.

This has been going on for a while now. It's making me desperately long for the waffle years. Waffles were eaten slowly and deliberately, but they were eaten on the go. Cheerios require milk and NOPE. Not going in my car.

An interesting twist has been added to the Cheerios shenanigans. I've always known that it's a terrible idea to remind Mila to eat faster. If you make eye contact with her while she's eating, she will stop eating. If you say words to her, she will stop longer and possibly get completely distracted and WHOOPS. You just added 10 minutes to this game.

So I remain silent. There are no reminders to eat or focus or anything. Just shhhhhhhh. Let the one little Cheerio at a time be eaten.

Alexis knows this is the rule. It's basically a law not to "bother" Mila when she's eating, and by "bother" I mean look at her, talk to her, acknowledge that she's alive, or basically breathe in her presence. Just go away and leave her alone OR ELSE.

She knows it is the rule, but Alexis has decided it's HILARIOUS to ruin my life. For the past few days, she has made it her parting gift to me to walk over to Mila right before she's running to get on the school bus. She walks over, tells Mila she should eat faster, and then runs away to school.

It's adding half an hour to my morning. I'm not joking. Mila cannot handle distractions while she's eating.

What exactly is the appropriate punishment for cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West while distracting your sister with squirrels and shiny things? I'm going to need to double down on whatever that punishment is.