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Monday
Mar112019

I'm Ready To Punch Some Clocks in the Face

There's a thing I like to do this time of year and that's to walk around whispering, "Daylight Saving Time" because it's SO FUN watching the parents of small children curl up into the fetal position and cry. It's good to have company while I'm rocking in the corner shaking from terror, y'know? I have to bond with someone and it might as well be over sheer panic and horror.

I mean, the time change. It never disappoints.

Alexis was the worst sleeper of all time (And still is! Take note parents of small children! SOME OF THEM DON'T NEED SLEEP. ADJUST ACCORDINGLY.) Somehow the time changes made her a little worse, but not exponentially worse, probably because infinity +1 is still basically infinity. Once you've hit "worst sleeper of all time" status, it's really hard to notice when things are even worse.

And then along came Mila.

The universe OWED me and it didn't disappoint. Mila is a marvelous sleeper. She loves sleep. She may just grow up to marry sleep because sleeeeeeeep. It's so great. The only time I really have major trouble with the kid is when I try to tell her to go to bed and she's like, "Nope." What she means by that is that she's genuinely not tired enough to fall asleep, so let's not fight about it, okay? She doesn't care that she will regret it later. She wants to stay up and she's not wrong, go away, thanks. She's not a big fan of waking up in the morning, but I can sort of make it work as long as I respect her "No humans for the first half hour" rule. It's cool. I have the same rule, except I also require coffee.

ANYWAY.

The most marvelous sleeper is OF COURSE completely devastated by this time change thing. Each time we save time or give up time or whatever it is that we do, she is thrown COMPLETELY. It's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde crawled into her body and are fighting for control. She wants to nap. No, she wants to be awake. Is it bedtime yet? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE HER GO TO BED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S TIME TO BE AWAKE? She wants to sleep, thank you very much. Why are you talking?

And that's all just from 9:00 to 9:05 pm the Saturday before the time change. Don't even ask how much worse it gets as the days go on.

The good news is that she only goes into Sleepless Monster Mode for about ... two weeks.

Crap.

I still have 1 week and 6 days left of this torture. Uuuuuuugh.

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