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Wednesday
Jun122019

Meanies

On one hand, we have Alexis. Somehow the kid who despises birds and bugs and generally radiates glitter and expensive taste LOVES going for hikes. On the other hand, we have Mila. The kid who loves rolling in the mud and never met a bug she didn't want to befriend HATES going for hikes.

It doesn't matter. We're going no matter what either of them want.

I've decided it's going to be our Friday afternoon thing. I have summer hours right now, so I'm bailing from the office earlier on Fridays. I demand that time be used wisely. And outdoors. The girls are going to enjoy it or else I'm going to make them enjoy it.

This past Friday was our third outing of the year, and it started out just like the others. Somehow the anti-nature kid was having a blast, but then she managed to come into contact with ... something. I don't know what. She went from happy and perky to OMG UUUUGH. She touched something that she was allergic to, so she ended up with hives on the back of one of her arms. She's a total wimp about such things, so she dug all the way in on the whining.

Mila was already ten feet under ground digging her whining hole. We had to walk past a perfectly good playground to get to the hiking trail and Mila was kerfluffled about the whole thing. And pissed. I don't know why she bothers, though. Her whining just reinforces my dedication to torturing her.

Besides, I had a secret. This time we went to a trail that opened up on a decent-sized creek.

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Creeks are THE BEST, you know. Alexis will happily sit beside one and read all day long. Mila will happily explore and throw rocks into the water all day long.

It was a win-win. And then came this guy.

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That nearly invisible little creature at the center of the photo is a snake. A very tiny water snake. He couldn't have been more than six inches long and both girls thought he was ADORABLE. He was especially adorable when he was angry, which was super easy to arrange for because if Mila threw a rock anywhere in the water, he would try to attack it. That quickly turned into a game because watching a tiny vicious snake attack rocks is apparently hilarious.

Whatever.

My children are weird.

What is truly hilarious is what happened when Mila started getting a little more ambitious in her small rock quest. She picked up a rock that was a tiny bit bigger than the others. Under it was THE BIGGEST SPIDER EVER OMG.

If I thought the snake moved fast when it sensed a rock, you should have seen how fast two girls can run when there's a big scary spider in their midst. I probably shouldn't have laughed as hard as I did, but THAT'S WHAT THEY GET FOR TEASING A SNAKE. Heh.

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