Nine Weeks
I planned to tell you about the "huge brick wall" on February 25th. Or, maybe later. Possibly later because how fun would it have been to unveil the news on April Fools Day and then enjoy y'all trying to figure out if I was serious or not?
Instead . . . I . . . I still can't type the words. I can't make myself say what happened because that will make it real. I don't want it to be real. I don't want to admit that the "huge brick wall" fell so hard this weekend. It fell with a million punches to the gut and it felt like my heart was being ripped out along with every ounce of joy I had left. It's gone. The "brick wall" crumbled to pieces and there's nothing left but tears.
The "brick wall" was the most poorly timed thing that has ever happened to us. And, yet, it was the most amazing and hard-fought and wanted sort of news.
He or she was so incredibly wanted.
But now it's over. Far too soon.
We're still incredibly lucky, but I wish with all my heart that we had been given the chance to be luckier.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Reader Comments (143)
oh Michelle. xoxo
Oh no. So sorry. Can we break the no hug rule just this once?
I am hugging you close with my heart right now, which is the most cliche thing I've ever said, but it's true. I've experienced multiple losses AND infertility and I just can't even pretend to know how you feel, because everyone's experience is so different, but I DO know that it's hard, and one of the loneliest journeys there is.
Love. So much love and hope and just love.
Tears for you.
I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.
No words. I'm sorry doesn't even begin to cover it.
For all the good you've done for others... not as payback, but as a "it's your turn." I'm so sorry xoxo
I'm so sorry to hear about this. My heart breaks for you and your family.
My heart aches for you and your family. You are such a strong, amazing woman and mother.
Oh. Oh honey I am SO incredibly sorry I can't even put it into words. Please just know if there was ANYthing I could do to ease your pain I would. A million times.
I'm so sorry... there are no words for this. Sending love.
My heart goes out to you.
I want to say my best very bad words, but I won't. I'll just say I'm sorry & send love.
Oh, Michelle...just...oh.
Brick walls can crush you when they fall. I'm thankful you have amazing people in your life to help you dig out. I'm so very sorry.
Love. xxoo
I'm so, so sorry.
Oh Michelle, I'm so sorry. That feels so inadequate but true nonetheless. Hugs.
I'm so sorry doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way, but if I could take this pain from you . . . I would, in a heartbeat.
I'm totally at a loss for words. Totally. Sending love...so much of it.
Oh...I am so, so, so very sorry. Another friend of mine just had this happen in December... There are never any words. Sending so much love your way. <3
So many prayers for your whole family. My heart breaks for you, and for all the others in these situations.
Words don't begin to say it--I am sorry.
Michelle I am so sorry there are just no right words. Thinking of you and sending love
I'm so sorry Michelle. So very sorry.
My heart breaks for you. I'm so very sorry.
i'm so very sorry. much love to you.
Oh, darling, I'm so so sorry.
I'm so sorry, Michelle. We lost a little one at about 9 wks after 4 1/2 years of trying. It was a harsh reality to face and I remember being very sad for the baby but also very frustrated and angry with myself. Sending strength to you.
I've never commented before but I've been following your blog for a while now. You are such an amazing mommy to Alexis. My heart is breaking for you right now.
I am so very sorry. Our prayers at with you and your family.
Even though words are rarely enough I'm so very sorry for your terrible loss. Surrounding you with love and support .
I am so very sorry. Words just aren't enough. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
i dont have the words, I am so sorry...you are in my heart Michelle.
Oh Michelle!! I am so sorry. So very sorry..
My heart aches for you. I am so, so sorry.
Sweet lady. So very sorry. Much love and support virtually coming your way.
Oh Michelle. Tears. I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry, Michelle. Many, many hugs. Many, many.
Heartbroken for you and W and A. That is an ache no one should ever have to endure. I am so very very sorry.
I knew it by the title and I am so so sorry. I was there twice & another at 19 weeks & it's not easy. Be good to yourself. Hugs to both you and your husband.
I'm so sorry. You're not alone, but I wish we could help you more.
So saddened for you, these are things we mommies never should have to understand. Praying for not just a silver lining but a whole sky of sun and rainbows. <3
My heart just breaks for you. You've been through so much lately. There are no words, but please know that I'm thinking of you guys and hoping things turn around soon. xoxo
I wish I knew what to say... But I do know what an amazing person you are, and you deserve all the good things in life and they will come your way!
Much love to you.
Oh, that is awful. I wish you and your family did not have to experience such a loss.
So, so sorry!
I am so incredibly sorry! I know what it's like to go thru that loss. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts....((hugs))
I am so sorry. I am someone who, never had the "want" to have children, yet I am most likely, very capable of having them. It makes me sad, that I can't pass it, magically, off to you.
I'm thinking of you and even though I know you don't like them much......((((Hugs)))))
Oh.... my friend... my heart to yours. Words fail me... but my heart aches for you. Sending love...
Oh eff. I'm sorry. So sorry. Wish I had more words than that. I've been there. Many times. So if you need to vent or cry or whatever, I will listen.