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Rebecca Is In My Corner

There seems to be a general, "Awww, man. That sucks," sort of vibe going around about the FAIL that was the American Girl Doll. Not so, my friends. Not so at all. In fact, the whole thing could not have possibly worked out any better for me. Here's why:

1. If the husband ever again hands the kid a catalog that I have asked be banished from our home, he has to lick a bug zapper. Twice. While it's plugged in and caked in dead bug guts. I think that's only fair.

2. Next year when Christmas rolls around again and Alexis starts to ask for whatever over-priced thing she decides to ask for, I will be able to respond to her begging with, "You DO remember the American Girl Doll thing, right?"

3. I might repeat the second thing each and every Christmas for the rest of the child's life. Things like, "But I really want it!" will easily be countered with, "Yeah, well, you really wanted Rebecca, too. Let's watch a little video, shall we?"

4. The first time Alexis starts swooning over some snot-faced jerkface of a pretty boy, I'll be able to say, "Look, he's your Rebecca. You need to find your Alvin. He's out there in this world, you just have to keep tearing through all that gift wrap."

5. Two words: Profit Opportunity. I once spent a Saturday afternoon trolling eBay for used Rebecca dolls. It didn't take long to discover a very strange trend--people are willing to pay more for American Girl Dolls than they are worth. I saw one go for $50 more than they are directly from the company, and she had scraggly hair and was missing her shoes. People are so weird. While I do expect that Alexis will (eventually) start playing with her doll, if she doesn't? She's out of here, and I'm pocketing the money.

See? Not a bad thing. Not at all. Mwahahaha!

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Reader Comments (11)

You are the best kind of optimist. The funny kind.

December 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFireMom

Really this kid is the best kind of optimist.

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIslamic Clothing

I like how you think, my friend. I am the same way!!

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

That's making lemonade out of lemons, for sure. And if you can turn a profit on the doll, that's not a failed gift, that's a successful investment opportunity.

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbluzdude

oh how i love number four!

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

I love number 4, too. I swooned for (and in some cases dated) many Rebeccas but am happily married to my Alvin. She won't believe you, of course, but it's damn true.

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim Z

I would never buy a 4 year old an American Girl doll. Girls only truly appreciate these dolls if they enjoy the books & get into the stories behind them. If your little gal gets into the books while in elementary school, I will surely read about your next adventure to an American Girl store for a tea party & makeover party for Rebecca. Look out Chicago/NYC -- Burgh Baby is on her way.

December 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersuburban mom

hmmmm. you got us there.....

December 29, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthe planet of janet

This funny kid is the best kind of optimist.

December 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFranchise

I'm sharing the video with my daughter and using #4 as a daily mantra. Thank you.

December 29, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Orrrrr if you have the original box, could you maybe use her for some sort of Christmas Craziness?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie in MA
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