She Would Have Missed This
When I hear women lament their evolution into their own mothers, I stand silent. I am *not* turning into my mother.
I'm never going to wake up seven inches shorter, one hundred pounds heavier, and with thick, black, curly hair. I'll never hear the words, "You look just like your mother."
But the differences are more than just physical. Our personalities are just as different as our faces, if not more so.
Severe clinical depression held her back, suppressed her personality, took away her will to do...anything. It took away her will to get off the couch, her will to be present, her will to socialize, her will to live.
Depression stopped her from finding the joy in life's every little moment. Days and weeks and months passed her by as she slept, a prisoner to the demons in her mind.
I don't know why fate spared me the curse of depression, but I'm thankful it did. I wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to enjoy tea with Alice.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Reader Comments (16)
Heartbreaking and heartwarming, all in one post.
It's the sign of a good, strong, and compassionate woman to fully understand and accept that your mom was exactly that, a prisoner. Alexis is extremely lucky!
I'm thankful you were spared too. Alice is beautiful.
You travel from haunting to hilarity so beautifully and effortlessly. It's inspiring. I, too, am glad you were spared.
How beautiful. You're doing such a good job of living. <3
Alexis is the luckiest. And so are you. (This is where I would hug you if I didn't value my own life. So...nohugsforyou.)
When you don't experience it in any way (personally or through someone you love), depression can be such a mystery. You unlocked the mystery and are dealing with the clues left behind. Having tea with Alice. Does it get any better?
that first photo is wonderful...your little girl certainly is maturing and growing!
your words are most excellent as well. terrific post.
great post
That's all you had to say. These pictures are so lovely and sweet. Love how she's giving tea to her big bunny! Precious!!! And when did her hair get so long?
I have the overwhelming urge to mail you a hug.
She and Miss Peach would so hang together;)
This was so touching. I'm so glad you're able to enjoy all those precious and important moments with your beautiful little girl. xo
I can say with 100% honesty and sincerity that depression is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy because it isn't something that hurts JUST THEM . . . it hurts every single person around them. As much as I loathe taking a little yellow pill everyday, I do so willingly because missing things like tea parties with stuffed animals and building firetrucks out of Legos until my fingers ache from fanagling those little tiny blocks is unacceptable. I am so, so glad that you have been spared the anguish that your mother went through and I am so very, very impressed at what a wonderful woman you have become despite something that no doubt had a huge impact on your upbringing. You are amazing.
Mental health issues suck. They just suck. It's the only way to describe it. As someone with bad OCD I am super thankful that you get to have tea with Alice. And quite honestly, I didn't think I could ever have my own Alice before I found the blogs of other women who had depression, anxiety, and OCD. Now I believe I will. It's a wonderful thing, to have hope for a future.
That's it. I need a baby girl. Like. Now.