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Wednesday
May172017

So Many Accurate Observations

I don't know what the magical age is, but there's a magical age when artsy handprints no longer do the trick for Mothers Day. Basically, Mila can slap some paint on something, smear it for a second, and OMG SHE'S THE CUTEST EVERRRR! but Alexis is going to have to step it up. Her handprints have been all over my fridge and windows for so long that they long ago lost their cute.

Left to her own devices, Alexis is amazing at picking gifts. That girl can step up her game like nobody's business. That said, if you constrain her, you get interesting results.

Enter this year's school project for Mothers Day.

The assignment was to draw the cover of People Magazine with your mom on it and then write an essay explaining why she deserves to be on the cover of the magazine. I can see the cute in this assignment, but I have to try. Alexis didn't bother to try. She just flat-out thought it was dumb, which is why she called it in. I'm not allowed to share photos of the ... uh ... "masterpiece" because the artist has banned such sharing. I can describe it, though!

The picture. Let's start with Alexis' lovely drawing of me. First of all, the kid CAN draw. She's actually pretty good at it. I wouldn't bet my savings on her growing up to be an illustrator, but she gets by. And yet, the drawing of me makes it look like half my face is melting. I have a unibrow. My lips are  Kardashian in size. Basically, I look a hot mess.

And then there's the essay.

There are three reasons why Alexis thinks I should be on the cover of People Magazine:

1. I drive her everywhere she needs to be. If that's not a heck of an astute observation, I don't know what is. It's good that Alexis appreciates my chauffeur skills.

2. I bake good foods. Again, this is a decent observation. I'd rather be known for kindness than my ability to bake a mean cupcake, but I suppose they're kind of the same thing.

3. I give Alexis my "free item" coupons for Bath and Body Works. This too is true, but COME ON.

At least when I'm on the cover of People Magazine for giving my kid coupons, I won't be recognizable.

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