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Teresa Was Right. URGH!

When last we checked on Miss Mouthy I mean Alexis, she was non-stop jabbering about pretty much everything except for what she wanted for Christmas.

I tried asking her. She told me that was between her and Santa.

I tried to help her make a list. When she couldn't spell the words, I offered to help, thinking that would be my way in. She refused to tell me what the words were because, again, that was between her and Santa. Instead, she drew him a picture. Unless she wants a cross-eyed four-headed gnome with eight legs and three wheels poking out of its head, I didn't know what it was.

I tried to get her teachers to pry an answer out of her. They were met with a Fort Knox attitude that makes it really quite obvious that when two stubborn people have a kid, things get ugly.

But then we went to Indiana for Thanksgiving. There were, literally, dozens and dozens of family members who would surely ask her constantly what she wanted for Christmas. All I had to do was stick close by and I was sure to overhear a hint or two.

The only person who did any overhearing was Alexis.

I know exactly how it started. Someone asked her what she wanted. She stonewalled them. I, because I am an IDIOT, brought up that the only thing she has really shown any interest in was an American Girl Doll. Apparently I said it with such a look of disdain on my face that a black hole suddenly opened up right there, and out of that black hole dozens and dozens and dozens of well-meaning American Girl Minions flowed out. Each and every one of them was dressed head-to-toe in American Girl attire as they waved their American Girl Flags proudly and shoved their over-priced and coiffed dolls in my face.

"But look how well made this doll is!"

"I've had my American Girl dolls for ten years and they still look good!"

"She used to carry her American Girl doll with her absolutely everywhere!"

"That was my favorite toy of all time!"

"American Girl! American Girl! AMERICAN GIRL!"

The fans. They are persistent.

They were so persistent in the assurances that it would be a good purchase that somehow they managed to reprogram my dear, sweet daughter and make her one of their own. She has been fully assimilated, people.

When Santa asked Alexis what she wanted for Christmas, I leaned in a little closer, listening carefully for her response. "A baby doll," she whispered.

Psychotic Santa replied, "What kind of baby doll?" Oh, yes, he went there.

"An American Doll!" the little zombie replied.

She later added that she hopes Santa brings her and her doll a matching outfit.


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Reader Comments (22)

Well, now you know. . . And, umm, make sure you keep those fans in Indiana. We've been destroying every AG magazine that hits the mailbox pretty successfully around here so far.

Enjoy joining the minions!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJayna @ Yankee Drawl

Oh shoot. I'm sorry. I really am. Really.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFireMom

welcome to the club...I totally posted tonight about AG fever...oh, and just so you know...I have all kinds of matching patterns for little girls and their ag dolls...that do NOT cost ONE BILLION dollars each to buy...just an fyi. Good luck and God Speed. Btw, I think AG has bought out the North Pole. In fact I'm sure of it. What's up with all the commercials this year, as if those catalogs aren't bad enough!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

ha. I shouldn't laugh but... ha. At least you know now!!!

Maggie has no idea what an American Girl doll is. This is very very good.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

In her defense- yes, the dolls are freaking expensive, but they are also awesome. I played the heck out of mine for a good seven years or so, and they are now packed away (in great condition, no less) for my potential daughter. The accompanying books are cliche but also have great messages about women's empowerment and a whole slew of ethical issues. There are worse things for Alexis to want for Christmas. Plus, they are good gifts to build on- relatives always knew they could get me outfits or accessories for my dolls, so future Christmases will be a lot easier. On that note... be prepared for a trend... over the course of my childhood I accumulated five of the historical dolls and one of the baby dolls. I played with them literally every day for years so I would view it as a worthwhile investment, but be prepared to not stop at one.

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

@Lauren--THAT is exactly why I was hoping she wouldn't join the army! It's a lifetime commitment to crazy expensive stuff. UGH!

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle (~~burghbaby~~)

First, HAH! I have maintained for years that the Howler is in the CIA...she could tell me stuff, but then she'd have to kill me.

Second, I need to know how to get me some minions.

Third, the Howler will own an AG doll when some other fool buys it for her. Mostly because she doesn't play with dolls, except when they need haircuts. Or to go to the nudist colony. (Although, a Nudist AG might not be such a bad idea...)

December 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermumple

So, which one did you get her?

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMia

Kmart carries a kine of clothes/jammies that come with a matching doll outfit. MUCH cheaper than AG clothes.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

yeah, the matching outfits are painful.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercara

I'm in the same boat with the other Lauren: I'm 28 and still have my 2 AG dolls. I agree, they are well made and withstand frequent play. Plus, you can send them to the "doctor" to fix damage done to hair or the body of the doll. However, the clothes really are expensive. Luckily my grandmom was crafty. She made me a ton of outfits herself and even painted a box to look like one of the girls' clothing trunks. She doesn't sew anymore so I'm really happy to have the homemade doll clothes. You can find patterns anywhere...

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren C.

I am planning to take J to Chicago some time next year to go to the Michigan Ave store, pick out a doll and have tea :). I've been planning that trip in my head for years.

She got bitty baby for her first Christmas and the bitty twins when I was pregnant with the boys (same clothes fit them all). She has lots of clothes and accessories. My mom all of it. The clothes usually go on sale at the end of each season. My mom buys most if the outfits on clearance.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

@Gina--I keep trying to sell her on ANY other doll in the entire universe. She's not falling for it. URGH.

@Mia--None yet. She wants Rebecca, but I'm still stuck in "no child of mine needs a $100 doll" mode.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle (~~burghbaby~~)

this is me, not laughing.
i lied.
can't stop giggling!

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

p.s. at least she wants the one with the best name possible!

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterhello haha narf

Well, she won't know the difference if you buy other, cheaper clothes for the doll right? I hope for your sake! How much were those Cabbage Patch dolls?! ; )

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I must add my two cents that I also owned an AG doll (I won it from our bookstore, but I still had the thing) -- I actually still have it somewhere in my house. I will say that it WAS very well-made, and I never had a problem with it whatsoever. I got around the clothes thing by Goodwill hunting - you never know what you'll find there!

If you ever relent and get her one, let me know, and if you want, I could see if I could hunt down the bag of clothes in the bottomless pit I call my house and send it to you/Alexis. It may not match her "time period" (it's a variety from some of the older dolls/catalogue stuff), but it's AG clothes nonetheless!

On a side note - I definitely agree with whoever above me mentioned the books. Sure, they're a bit cheesy, but I absolutely loved them as a younger girl. They're good with historical periods, and they're chockful of girl empowerment - and really just well done books overall. :)

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

@Jen--Not $100. That's how much there were. NOT $100.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle (~~burghbaby~~)

Maybe not the doll, but the clothes, maybe?

And Em has been wanting an AG doll. I don't want to spend the money on one, but I probably would if it weren't for that homeless doll bullshit they pulled a few years back. Luckily, she has been happy so far with the Madame Alexander one. I'm sure she'll start on me again soon, though.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I was going to say check ebay. But nevermind! They're just as crazy expensive on there too.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeatheribabble

On the bright side, at least she told Santa instead of her dad. ;-)

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie in MA

my step-daughter was obsessed when she was younger (before she came to live with us). my 9-year-old niece is obsessed. O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D.

roo? has one, but i dont ever remember her actually taking it out of the box.

i count my blessings.

December 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthe planet of janet
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