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Tuesday
Jul022019

The One That Explains Why I Now Take a Cat with Me Everywhere

It's been just over a week since I opened my desk drawer at work and stared for a long time at two little Reese's Cup wrappers.

I don't leave trash in my drawers. I leave candy in my drawers because I am The Candy Lady at my office, but I definitely don't leave trash.

Closer inspection further confirmed what I initially suspected. Something small with pointy teeth had torn into the wrappers. I discarded the evidence, poked around to make sure there wasn't anything else that I should be concerned about, and instantly became The Lady Who Used to Have Candy at my office. It was all very strange because I work in an exceptionally clean office and on the fourth floor, no less, but whatever. It seemed odd that a creature would saunter past the cafeteria and two other floors that are far more densely packed (i.e. have waaaaaaaay more food than mine), but maybe the mouse just happened to get lucky and found the candy stash on its first trip to a new place.

Still, if you're ever trapped in my office building, the second floor is where all the good food is. There is SO much food down there. It's where the Proper Office Ladies exist, after all.

I didn't think much of the whole thing until later that night. Later that night it all came back to me because I walked out onto my patio at home and instantly noticed a foreign something floating in the pond. It was ... a mouse. Of course. I assume it wasn't the same mouse because THAT WOULD BE FREAKY. Not that any dead mouse floating in your koi pond is anything other than freaky. It's definitely freaky. WAY FREAKY. Just, if it were THAT mouse that would be extra extra extra freaky.

I called in reinforcements for the disposal of the very dead mouse who learned the hard way that it couldn't swim. No big deal, mostly because I didn't get that good of a look at it and the whole thing went down without either of the girls finding out. That's critical, you know. If Mila or Alexis had seen it, it would have been the end of times. Instead, it was a quiet moment that faded into the sunset.

And then came today. Today I opened my desk drawer again and despite the fact that I made ALL candy go away over a week ago, there was a REALLY giant pile of Reese's wrappers. Like, a whole bag of them. AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY CAME FROM. Seriously, I disposed of all candy and now that I think about it, I don't remember there being mini Reese's in my drawer. I understand the love for them, but it's not a candy I usually buy because I am deeply in love with Caramel M&Ms and very dedicated to them.

Also, the wrappers were standard gold Reese's wrappers. I only buy candy on clearance, which means it's always holiday themed. Easter was the prevailing holiday until I pulled all candy support.

So.

The mouse must be collecting candy from somewhere in the building and then dining on it while in my drawer. Which, THAT'S SO SPECIAL. When an office building goes down in flames in the next day or two, it wasn't me. I most definitely do not plan on killing it with fire. Ahem.

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE.

So I returned home today with visions of a fat peanut butter cup-addicted mouse in my head. I headed over to the pond (because OH the drama with that thing this year) (for those who know, IT'S STILL HOLDING WATER! HUZZAH!). GUESS WHAT ELSE WAS STANDING BY THE POND.

I mean, I guess it wasn't floating and dead? Still, I didn't really need to see a fuzzy black-eyed thing staring at me while standing on the rock that I like to stand on. It's my rock. I don't share. GET OFF MY ROCK, YOU DAMN MOUSE.

It ran away, but not before I became convinced that the mice of the world are out to get me.

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Reader Comments (1)

Mousey was just looking for his missing comrade.

If it were me, I'd put a loaded snap-trap in my desk drawer overnight (and be verrrrry careful opening it back up in the morning.)

July 3, 2019 | Unregistered Commenterbluzdude

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