Throwing Up Brick Walls

We really only have one rule around here, and that is a fundamental requirement to practice kindness. Always. No matter what. And HOOBOY is Mila having trouble with that rule.

The kid has a heck of a mean streak.

The challenge, of course, is that I don't know how to teach her that saying she doesn't like me is no bueno. Don't do that. Bad idea, kid. She says even worse stuff, but somehow that's the one that cuts me to the core. I don't neeeeeeed my three year-old to like me, but I also don't need her to declare that she doesn't. Responding by saying her words make me sad or aren't nice or any of the usual tactics doesn't really work with her.

I've started a new thing instead. 

Instead of trying to reason with the most unreasonable human I know (because three!), I've started to completely ignore it and instead turn her focus to something that makes her happy. Who knows if it will do any good, but it's definitely less frustrating for me. Instead of trying to make a point, I'm rediscovering the things that make Mila an awesome little person.

Her love for gardening, for example. 

Yesterday when Mila went on her Mean Streak, we were moments from pulling into our driveway. I silent treatmented the whole thing until we were parked, and then opened her door and said, "If you're ready to use nice words, we can go look for blueberries."

She snapped into her happy version and eagerly ran for the first blueberry bush. After picking six little friends, we checked the other blueberry bushes. More friends! Then we picked a bell pepper, plucked a few cherry tomatoes, and found ourselves a few green beans.

And MAN was Mila glowing. There's magic to be found in watching someone discover that they can grow their own food. So much magic. So much happy.

And, weird thing, she uses her nice words when she's doing things she wants to do.

It may not be the "right" answer to dealing with a smart-mouthed preschooler, but it's the best I've got for the moment. And, as an added bonus, it makes for one person who I can force to be nice. I may not be able to stop all of the unnecessary meanness in the world, but I can throw brick walls up around the unnecessary meanness in my little world.