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Monday
Sep092019

Weaponized Sharing

It's been a few months since Mila figured out a pretty great trick. When she sees that I have something she wants (i.e. candy or some other form of junk food), instead of begging for it, she nonchalantly states, "Sharing is caring!" and then adds, "Do you care about me, momma?"

It's diabolical. She has straight-up weaponized sharing.

IN MORE THAN ONE WAY OMG.

Last week we went to Cedar Point. Early in the day, I looked down at little tiny Mila and asked that super fun parenting question - Is that pinkeye or did she stab herself in the face and forget to tell me? Both options are totally possible, of course. That's the magic of 5-year olds. They either nearly died when a bug landed on them and need 24583741 Band-Aids, or they don't even know that a door slammed on their finger and nearly amputated it. It's all very confusing and is probably the reason Dr. Google always diagnoses death. With little kids, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

Which is why it was not at all shocking when that maybe pinkeye vanished after a few hours. There was a little bit of goop? And a tiny tinge of pink? Legit, it wasn't enough to even get my attention, other than the fact that I mentally prepared my army for war JUST IN CASE. I had an urgent care plan all worked out in my head, but then I didn't need it. Because POOF! All gone! It came in went over the course of maybe five hours. Possibly even less.

I forgot all about it until yesterday when I discovered a tiny bit of goop was hanging out in my eye after I took a shower. But, no worries! If it was what Mila had, it would be gone in a few hours!

Why exactly is my five-year olds immune system stronger than mine? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? Did she steal some of my magic immunity? I went from a little bit of goop to straight-up nightmare fuel in the matter of 30 minutes. No joke. Everything was cool when I took Alexis to a tumbling lesson. It was still fine during the back-to-dance dance party. But when I ran down the road to buy mulch? ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. I went from not at all worrying to driving my butt to urgent care in the span of 30 minutes.

So, uh, drugs are good. We definitely live better thanks to modern medicine.

But sharing is bad. So bad. I really need to figure out how to get Mila to knock it off with the sharing.

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