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Happy as a (Boiling Hot) Clam

*Caution: Random Acts of Whining Ahead*

Yesterday afternoon as we ran all over town, as we are wont to do on a weekend, I took notice of the fact that the snot running from Alexis' nose seemed to be trying to work up enough momentum to make a run for the Mexican border. I coupled that with the fact that her forehead felt like she had turned up the thermostat on that kick butt little heater she had installed before birth and, like the genius that I am, deduced that my rarely ill child actually has a cold. It's the first time in . . . um . . . I dunno, a long time. At least four months. As I knew we were long out of Tylenol or any other sort of fever-reducing magic potion, I made a run into the grocery store to stock up on some pharmaceuticals.

When I (finally) located the child appropriate drugs, I was met with labels that pointed out that OH NO SHE'S TOO OLD FOR THE INFANT CRAP now. Besides the insulting implication that I should stop referring to her as my baby (you can't make me, Tylenol), this revelation posed a problem. There were several flavors to choose from and did you know I don't do decisions? Especially not life-changing decisions like what flavor of drugs to buy my baby. I tried to think like Alexis and eventually narrowed it down to the berry flavors.

Then I noticed that -OH NO!- I had to give her the drugs in a cup. My girl is admittedly not much of a spiller, but you know darn well that if you give a generally good kid a little cup full of super-staining sugary liquid, that will be the day that she decides to pour the liquid all over the only remaining clean spot on the carpet. So again I put on my genius cap and opted for the dye-free formula.


It took about a millisecond to discover that my genius was wasted on she who was not willing to drink so much as a drop of medicine, despite the fact that she has been known to call up her dealer in the middle of the night for a little hit just because she thinks medicine is fun. But, you know, I'm smarter than a two-year old, right? So I dug out one of those little syringes from the kitchen drawer and made it look like her old baby meds.

She didn't fall for it.

It took two adults over twenty minutes to administer one teaspoon of fever-reducer to a child who's booty hole claimed she was running around 101.8. That, my friends, was a good time.

Fast forward to this morning, and it turned out that this particular cold has decided to take up residency for a little while. Alexis' diaper was dry and her temp was over 102 degrees. So, she and I spent the day at home together. I knew I could drug her and send her to daycare, but I also knew the drugs would wear off and I would just end up picking her up early. I didn't see a reason to spread her germy love to the other kids (one of which is probably the one that gave it to her in the first place, but whatever). Besides, I wanted to make sure she drank enough liquid to grow a few humps (like a camel).

We have spent the greater part of our day fighting over medicine. I have tried diluting it in water. I have tried slipping it in a cup of juice. I even tried chocolate milk. Every time I prepare a sneaky snake concoction for her, we end up having a conversation like this:

Alexis: I want juice.
Me: Here you go.
Alexis: No, I want milk.
Me: Of course you do. Here you go.
Alexis: Water, please.
Me: You're kidding, right? Fine, here's some water.
Alexis: No, thank you.

Yeah, she gets props for the whole polite thing, but I swear on my Girl Scout cookies, she can stop with the women's prerogative crap right about now.

So right now my dear child is sitting at her little table tossing Lima beans into the air, trying to catch them in her mouth, and then getting mad when Meg the Bulldog has the audacity to actually eat the ones that fall to the ground. Alexis worships at the church of the Lima bean, so I'm not really sure why she's leaving even a tiny opportunity for anyone to steal them from her. It must be the untreated 102 degree fever getting to her brain.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy every single flavor of fever-reducer under the sun, including the suspicious looking dissolving tablets, in hopes that she will take something.

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Reader Comments (51)

Does she do soother? I've seen these brilliant soothers with medicine cups in the rear end of them - you suck on the soother and soothe and medicate all at the same time. And when I say "you" I mean "them," as in the kids...ahem...nevermind....

She's probably too old for the whole soother thing...but I'm the mom to a kid who looks like he'll be graduating high-school with his soose in his gob, so what the heck do I know??

Feel better!

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Yeah, she didn't fall for the old soother/pacifier trick either. I had kept it just for that reason. *sigh*

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby's Mom

Is that what I have to look fwd to, because mine can't wait for medicine-from-syringe time? Btw - please read the following stmt in valley girl dialect - "OMG, my toddler totally ate lima beans for dinner tonight too!"

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe VerWaynes

I'm a mean mommy. I don't give fever reducers unless it's high and rising fast or the kid cannot sleep or is otherwise miserable. I go with the theory that the fever is the body's way of killing off whatever has invaded. At present, my son is running around 102.1 and is unmedicated. And sleeping.

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim

I hope she's over this soon. Poor thing. I've no words of wisdom on the medication. We're still living in the land of uncooperative toddlerhood. Maybe you can cook her lima beans in Tylenol.

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I hope she feels better soon! Aidan won't take medicine without a fight either. We have to use a syringe and have two people holding him down for him to take it, well he gets a little of it.

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

I pull out my psuedo wrestling moves when it comes to this task. I can usually get it down the hatch, even if it involves tipping the his head back until it "gently" rolls down! Oh goodness, perhaps it's a bit unpleasant but it works like a charm.

Hope she feels better soon. This is an adorable picture!

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I'm impressed with her eating lima beans. I won't even eat those.

And, she really wouldn't take yummy berry tylenol from the dropper? Mine actually likes it enough to ask for it.

Opposites attract, right?

I'm sorry that Alexis isn't feeling well. Sick kids are never fun! I know it is hard because you feel like she isn't getting meds...but as long as the fever doesn't seem to be bothering her, it is okay if she isn't getting much in her. Good luck figuring it out though! Hope by tomorrow everyone is feeling great!

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPam

The whole lima bean thing has me wondering about how she is feeling...oh my. Let me get this straight. She will eat lima beans, but not syrupy sweet medication? Maybe you could have your pharmacist flavor it into something like brussel sprouts or garbanzo beans. Just a thought

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHRH

Giant Eagle has large sized syringes at the pharmacy that they usually will give you for free. Em (though older) will take it that way, because she likes to do the plunger herself. Also, sometimes I cut off a straw really short and stick it in the cup (holding it to avoid a huge mess) and she goes for that.

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGina

booty hole. Ha ha ha ha!

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterALF

That's one of the reasons why I don't do medicine. It's just such a pain. My husband travels, so the few times I've had to administer a medicine, I've done the lay-the-kid-on-the-floor-clamp-the-legs-and-pour. No fun.

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

I hope you rlittle lima bean feels better soon. It is such a drag to have a sick little one.

That picture is precious!

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I don't have trouble with the medicine, but I've been trying to spray saline up Diva's nose to clear out her sinuses and prevent an infection. It is war and it is ugly. I certainly feel for you. Like someone else mentioned, fever is good if it's not too high. Diva's been running around 101 and since she seems to be feeling ok and eating well, I'm letting the fever fight the germs!

Good luck. I hope she's feeling better very soon. It's hard to have sick little ones. (And they will ALWAYS be our babies!)

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie Yost

Alexis' personality jumps out of her pictures! What a darling - and, I suspect, what a handful. In a good way, of course!

Good luck with the medicine thing. Bright, determined two year olds can be surprisingly challenging, can't they?

My bright, determined and challenging baby daughter is 16 now. I've come to the realization that she will always be my precious baby.

March 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah O.

Bless your heart.
I am quite in hatred with 'infant' 'kids' otc meds right now.
Monkey decided this last round to spit all meds ($50/bottle) right back up. So, I finally wised up and hid one in strawberry yogurt and the other in applesauce. Took a lot more time to give, but worked like a charm. I wish punkin' quick recovery and lots of rest for mommy.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Glad you know about the tablets - tylenol meltaways. I haven't tried those yet, but my 2.5 year old will now gladly take the motrin chewables or his amoxycillan (sp?) in tablet form.

Liquid medicine always comes right back up in the form of vomit with this kid. Thank god the pediatrician told me about chewables or we'd be screwed. Hope she feels better soon!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarketing Mama

Yep. Sounds rather familiar. Nice to have a strong-willed child, isn't it?

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwheelsonthebus

Want me to send Morgan down? Morgan loves her some medicine and if she even spies me near the Motrin or Tylenol, she'll drop everything and come running over saying "peas, Mama?"

Love the picture....her grin is contagious :)

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

Laughing like crazy over here - this is such a cute story mainly cuz I'm not the one living it right now!

I'll keep my fingers crossed that she is feeling better soon. And that the nasty bulldog stops eating her beans!


I feel like we jinxed you from the last time we all harassed you about Alexis not getting sick.

I hope she feels better soon and takes the medicine for once...aren't kids great when you're trying to help them, but they seem not to want it?

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJonny's Mommy

That is such a cute picture, except for the booger in her nose. Hope she is feeling better soon!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Poor little thing! By that I mean you. :) I hope that you both get plenty of fluids and rest. And that by the time you read this she's doing better.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFlea

My kid loves drugs. Which worries me when he gets older. But he asks for Tylenol all the time and will "settle" for a vitamin.
Maybe I'll get him to talk to Alexis for you.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarmarbug

poor thing. We can't be responsible for our pickiness when we feel like complete crap!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMisty

I think it's her age. Gavin, who would come running if he thought I was handling the motrin or tylenol bottles, decided right around age 2 that he wanted nothing to do with any drugs. Age 3, however, seems he's fallen off the wagon.
While I usually use the syringes from the Target pharmacy for all medicine distribution, we sometimes use the medicine sippy spoon...Gavin thinks its funny. And since he's giggling while using it, I make him sit on the counter so that I can monitor without him spilling it everywhere (i.e. on the floor for Ginger to lap up). Maybe she might like that instead?

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

I hear they make fever reducers for children in suppositories now. Just. Sayin.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTootsie Farklepants

awwwww poor sicky baby, and momma that has to take care of the sicky baby *hugs*

I swear a week ago I said "I KNOW we'll have one more cold virus in this house before the weather gets warm." And now we have one.

I feel your pain with the medication. My kid does this barfo thing when he gets a cold and yesterday, I thought I'd passed breakfast without a barf. Victory! Until I administered said infant tylenol. Ah, the agony of defeat. And apricot barf. *sigh*

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaw Student Hot Mama

I KNOW!! I KNOW!!! I've got the answer...
Put it in a Starbucks cup!!!! ;-)

And I don't think I'll ever stop calling my little one baby. I don't have to, do I?

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercaramama

Caramama--YOU ARE A GENIUS! I'm willing to bet $10 that will work.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBurgh Baby's Mom

Oh no, no, no woman. You are TOTALLY ruining that child of yours.

First, dye free? What are you, crazy? Children NEED dyes! How else will you find her in the dark when she wonders out of bed if she's not glowing from artificial dyes?

And she MUST move on to the cup, get her away from the syringe. Don't you know that at the age of two, they must learn to shoot Children's Tylenol like a pro so that they can be ready for shots with names like "Slippery Nipple" and "Yo Mother's a Ho"? You are seriously handicaping your daughter's future as a college underage drinker.

This is not your best moment as a mother, but I'm sure you will learn from this mistake and Alexis will join Little Man as a professional Tylenol swigger. Standing over tile, of course (which is what we do to protect our carpets).

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCatwoman

Hope your little one is feeling better soon. If her spirits are up and she's still eating/drinking - I suppose it wouldn't be too bad if she never did take that medicine. I have no really good suggestions because my kids actually LIKE taking medicine which scares me. They would normally SUCK it straight out of one of those dropper thingies.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Greetings, I am Mama Bear of The Cafe at the End of the Universe Blog ( and I have stopped by today to let you know you have found your way onto the Magnificent Mamas of the Universe Blogroll, joining numerous moms from throughout the blogosphere. You were selected because I have popped into your blog numerous times and find you to be a great contribution to the mom blogosphere. Please feel free to take one of the 4 specialty tags from the sidebar to add to your site. Welcome.
~ Penelope Anne

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mama Bear

She sounds like mine!!!

Mine always loved the Motrin Bubble Gum, thank goodness. But every single time we had to give her the costly meds for infections she screamed, fussed, pulled rank.

It was a nightmare! I'm with you completely because on top of everything we only want them to ge better!!!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDay Dreamer

I always hid it in over syruped strawberry milk. If it was berry flavored, it usually works. When it doesn't, I usually resort to bribery. Sadly what worked for Gracie was to offer her sips of my diet pepsi if she took the meds. There's something wrong with that, I know.

I LOVE the picture at the end. She looks like she'd NEVER give you trouble...never!!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCecily R

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear Alexis is sicky :( No fun for everyone that's for sure. I have words of wisdom, my toddler asks for that berry flavored crap like it came off an ice cream truck. We'll be locking up Tylenol until she moves out.

Hang in there!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSandy C.

It's hard to believe, but I have no baby-medicinal words of wisdom for you. All I can say is this. If that ADORABLE picture at the end of your post was taken while Alexis is in her sickened state? Don't worry about the medicine quite yet, because she's looking pretty chipper to me :)! Maybe the lima beans are helping?

I am just pretty sure, though, that you will ALWAYS need to keep the Extra Strength Tylenol handy for yourself--because THAT SMILE will always keep you hoppin'! SOOOO CUTE...

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkim-d

dye free Tylenol over here too - with the syringe. LOVES it so I have no words of wisdom. Well, other than a tepid bath, cool cloths and light clothing. Sam was really sick the other week and after letting the fever go for a few days without change, we went to the doctor. Fever means infection (most times) so if it hangs on.... get it checked. Better to be safe than sorry. She had ear/throat infections and swollen glands! :(

Hope all is better today!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

Awww. I hope she gets better soon. And I know what you are talking about. Having 4 children means plenty of "2 adult medicine dispensing" evenings to last a lifetime. I can never figure out how they know it's medicine and not candy or juice!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermominmentalmotion

Oh no...feel better little one. Do they make Lima bean flavored medicine?

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNap Warden

It would be easier to feed my boys girl-flavored brussel sprouts than get them to take medicine. Good luck!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

My oldest is NOT a liquid medicine taker but she'll do the chewables or the melt in you tongue strips. The only liquid she'll take is berry flavored Children's Motrin. We often alternate the Tylenol and Motrin when Tylenol doesn't get the fever down.

Good luck!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBren

I hope she feels better soon...

And she likes Lima beans? That's impressive!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Can't you just make her take more of the baby kind? I give M. the kids formula of drugs all the time. I just give him enough to add up to the adult serving.

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterhoneywine

Dude...did your kid call mine and the two of them plan this all out? Because I swear we are battling the SAME thing here. Any other time my kid would be begging me for medicine. Ugh!

Hope she is better soon!

March 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMommy Cracked

My youngest does not do medicine. We have tried EVERYTHING!! Really, it's quite sad how a three year old can thwart the efforts of two grown parents, one being 6' 5" and 250 pounds to give her medicine. (And that's my husband, just in case you were wondering, HAHA!)

March 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

"off to buy every single flavor of fever-reducer . . ." *sigh* I totally get that.

March 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

Her eyes mesmerize!

March 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersecret agent mama

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