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Friday
Sep272013

It Can't Last Forever, but it's Fun for Now

Sometimes parenting is like walking through a corn maze while blindfolded. Just when you think you know what's going on, BAM. You're more lost than you were before and there's a spider crawling on your head.

We're in the midst of one of those phases where there are openings in the corn maze in every direction.

It's good news, but WHAT THE HELL, CHILD? Why is she suddenly so ... pleasant? And independent? And amazing?

Case in point: School started something like a month ago. I have not once had to wake the kid up. She has been waking up all by herself, getting dressed all by herself, and even making and eating her own breakfast. Without me intervening. In fact, I haven't even had to tell her it was time to go out the door. Instead, she has been telling me. With a smile on her face. WHAT IS THIS VOODOO MAGIC?

Alexis has also been going to bed without a fight.

Let me repeat that for those of you who just passed out from shock: Alexis. The child who does not believe in sleep. THAT child has been going to bed without a fight.

Even more shocking, last night she INITIATED bedtime. Like, she looked at a clock, turned off the tablet, and said, "It's my bedtime so I'm going to brush my teeth. Good night!" AND THEN I PASSED OUT DEAD.

Hold on.

I need to compose myself.

I would think it was all a dream, but I know for a fact it's not. My dreams include a world where there is no jelly on the pantry doorknob, so this isn't quite a dream. It's just really, really fantastic. Sticky, but fantastic.

But as every parent knows, for every opening you find in the corn maze, there is a dead end. Any minute now the pleasant is going to evaporate and be replaced by a four foot tall mini-terrorist with a mouth that could make a bunch of corn stalks grow legs just so they can run away.

We'll just enjoy it while it lasts, even if we do need to sleep with one eye open.

Thursday
Sep262013

Kids Are Weird

I think it is thoroughly documented that I exist in a world filled with glitter and sparkle, dresses and cute shoes, hair accessories and dolls, and OMG IT IS SO FREAKIN' GIRLIE AROUND HERE.

It's fine. Really. I just have no clue what it's like to walk through a room without getting attacked by glitter. That's all.

I think it's that total and complete immersion in Alexis' Land of Pink that made being surrounded by hundreds of little boys so ... jarring. It was Kids Day at the Penguins game that I went to this past weekend, which means there were dozens of little kid hockey teams in attendance.

Dozens of little boys.

So, I know what little girls do when they want attention. They bat their eyelashes or scream like crazy or just say MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM. Not all methods work, but that seems to be the three things Alexis and her friends go to when they want to convey LOOK AT ME.

What they don't do is make themselves look dumb. I'm absolutely certain there are girls who do, but those girls are outside of my Land of Pink.

Guess what dozens of little boys do when they REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to be on the jumbotron? THEY LOOK DUMB. It took one kid getting on the screen with a popcorn bucket on his head for dozens of kids to put popcorn buckets on their heads. It took one kid taking his shirt off and whirling it like a Terrible Towel for dozens of kids to take of their shirts and whip them like Terrible Towels. It took one kid dancing like a fool for dozens of kids to start dancing like fools.

But only the boys.

The girls who were in attendance seemed to be content with yelling really loud.

Just the boys went for goofy as a way to get attention.

Which left me wondering, is that what it's like parenting a boy? Do you end up constantly rolling your eyes at the goofy? Or do boys only try to out-dumb each other when they gather en masse? Or do girls do it as well and I have just managed to avoid seeing it so far?

Kids are weird.

Wednesday
Sep252013

Sometimes I Write Blog Posts So I Will Remember To Do Something

There are mistakes, and then there is letting your kid browbeat you into confessing that you are headed to a Penguins game.

I should start at the beginning.

The beginning is somewhere around the time Alexis was a year old. She went to her first Pens game and she loved it. She loved it so much that she asked for Penguins tickets for Christmas one year and has asked to go to as many games as possible every year since.

That brings us to this summer. This summer Alexis figured out that she didn't get to go to a Pens game last season. Now, while I am 99.9% sure she is wrong and that she did go to one, it doesn't matter. In her head, she missed a year.

THAT IS A TRAVESTY.

Apparently, it is the sort of travesty that is weighing heavy on her mind because on her "About Me" booklet that she put together for Open House at school, she listed "Go to a Penguins game" as one of her dreams. It was right up there with going to Disney World and having a baby brother. So.

She dreams big. Obviously.

I knew all of this and yet I pulled a stupid. Despite knowing that she would be SO jealous, when Alexis asked me for the umpteenth bazilliontenth time where I was going Saturday, I broke. Instead of saying, "to a grown-up thing" like I should have, I turned and said, "I'm going to a preseason-doesn't-count-will-probably-be-really-boring Penguins game."

She ignored all of my adjectives and adverbs and cut straight to the chase.

"YOU'RE GOING TO A PENGUINS GAME? WITHOUT ME?" she shrieked.

And then she sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed.

She was truly a sad little person.

No amount of bribery or justifying or anything made her calm down, so eventually I said we would buy tickets that very night when I got home. I said she could pick the game and the seats and SHHHH! She doesn't know that isn't entirely possible.

But then she was asleep when I got home. Alexis. The kid who rarely sleeps. She decided to sleep THAT night.

How much do you want to bet that she will remember that promise at the worst possible moment? I guess Santa better buy some Penguins tickets again ...