A Little Of This And A Little Of That

Alexis started spring break today, which is to say she suddenly found herself with no one to talk to except me. She spent a solid twelve hours doing exactly that. Talky talky talky talky talky talky ME HEAD GO KABOOM UGH. After an hour of her performing elaborate stage productions complete with loud songs and intricate dance moves right in front of the television whilst constantly asking, "Did you like that song?" I had reached my breaking point. It was time that someone help shoulder a little bit of the parenting duties.

"Why don't you go see what daddy is doing?" I asked her. The GO DOWNSTAIRS AND LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A MINUTE OR TWO, SMALL CHILD was implied.

Alexis thought it was a great idea and quickly ran to see where he was. Once she found him, she turned right back around so that she could report back. "He's walking," she said.

She wasn't done, though. Next she reported, "He's picking up a piece of paper."

A few seconds later, "He's walking again." That was followed by, "He just opened the fridge." Then there was, "He's walking," and "He's still walking."

Six year olds are evil.

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I have a huge pile of giveaways coming soon, so keep an eye on the Reviews page or subscribe to the RSS feed. Just off the top of my head, I know I have passes for the Just Between Friends Consignment Sale,  a Bottom Dollar Foods gift card, a little something for you carnivores, some Pittsburgh Penguins magic, and I forget what else. A lot of stuff.

By the way, the $50 Visa gift card giveaway is still open, as is the $100 Visa gift card giveaway.

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It turns out that I'm really bad at selecting winners for caption contests. I tried pawning the responsibility off on Alexis, but she was far from helpful. So...I'm leaving it up to y'all. Alexis and I each selected a few contenders and you get to vote for the final winner. There's a $25 Amazon gift card up for grabs.

You can vote as many times as you would like. The poll will close on Monday, April 9th at 11:00pm.

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Let the record show that I have absolutely nothing to do with Alexis' wardrobe selections. I mean, I buy her clothes so I have veto power.There's no way I'm letting anything that has bedazzled wording across the ass into her closet, but for the most part, she picks what she wants. She has also been known to steal accessories from my closet.

She stole this scarf and paired it with the rest of the outfit on her own.

She dresses better than I do. Really.

History Doesn't Always Repeat Itself

As I frantically raced back to the house, I thought about how very different Alexis' kindergarten experience has been from my own. My earliest memories start with that first year at North Hills Elementary. While most of the details are buried in a giant pile of forgotten experiences, there are a few that continue to linger. One of those lingering memories was jostled free as I considered what would happen if Alexis' bus reached the house before I did.

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It was a bright and unseasonably warm day, which isn't saying much considering it was Minot, North Dakota. The fact that it was Minot is the only explanation I have for why things happened the way they did. Trust runs thick through the veins of North Dakotans because rarely do you encounter anyone who isn't trustworthy. People assume everything is OK because it usually is.

I was a morning kindergarten sort of kid. When morning classes were dismissed, I lined up on the curb with the rest of the kids who lived a little too far from the school to be allowed to walk home. As I stood on that curb, I watched as kid after kid climbed into their family's car and left. I waited and waited, expecting my mom to pull up in our junky wood-paneled station wagon at any moment.

I waited.

And waited.

When I found myself standing alone, I thought it would be a good idea to pretend everything was OK. I decided I would make it look like I was supposed to walk to my Aunt's house that day. Instead of walking to her house a few blocks away, however, I circled the block. I circled the block and watched and waited, absolutely certain that my mom would pull up at any moment.

When I grew bored of circling the block, I decided to go to the playground behind the school. I took a leisurely spin on the merry-go-round, the silence of an empty playground ringing in my ears. When the silence was shattered by the release of the fourth graders charging the playground for recess, I ran away. Fourth graders are scary when you're in kindergarten.

I ran until I found myself standing at the curb at the front of the school. I stood there pondering what to do next, still watching for my mom to pull up, when suddenly a car came to an abrupt stop. I didn't know what to do, but I quickly ascertained that cars are supposed to stop when you're standing near the crosswalk lines. I pulled on a confident face and crossed the street, all the while acting as if that had been the plan all along.

Once the car was out of sight, I returned to the school. Surely my mom would be there at any moment!

I waited.

And I waited.

School let out for the day and still I waited. 

When I began to fear that darkness would overtake the school grounds before my mom pulled up in the station wagon, I made the decision to walk home. It was a long six blocks, but as a kindergartener it felt like miles.

I still don't know my mom never picked me up from school that day. Or any of the other days that she didn't show up.

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I have always been home when Alexis' bus has pulled in front of her house, except for that once. There was that one time when her bus was a little early and I was a little late and there was a substitute driver who didn't think to check for a car in the driveway before letting Alexis off of the bus.

I pulled up just as the bus was pulling away from the curb. I caught up with Alexis as she was about to try to open the door.

Alexis' kindergarten experience has been very different from my own.

Embracing the Hole

Anytime someone says something nice about our house, I usually retort with something like, "Seriously? I hate this house."

Clearly, I'm really good at taking compliments.

It's not a bad house. This I know. However, if we hadn't stumbled into the deal of the century, there's no way we would have bought it. There are just too many things that make me crazy about it. Number one on that list is the ridiculous master bathroom, but the stupid hole above the fireplace would make the list not long after.

I blame Jayna for the fact that I'm currently working on embracing that stupid hole. She posted this and now I'm trying really hard to figure out how I can continuously shove seasonal stuff into that hole (Go ahead and make the "That's what she said" jokes. I already have.). I can't seem find the perfect thing for permanent residence there, but crazy holiday decorations? I probably can handle that.

First up? Easter!

Go me! It's not perfect, but it's definitely better than the lame candles that were there!

The extra nutso part of this attempt at embracing the stupid hole is that I am trying to be crafty while doing it. I totally made those Peeps towers.

I have a theory about Peeps. They aren't actually for eating. Sure, they're fun to shove in a fire, but now that I know they don't burn like normal marshmallows (The sugar sort of turns black and just....falls off. The marshmallow part doesn't react to flame. At all. FREAKY.), I'm even more certain that they aren't intended to be consumed by humans. They are much better suited for gluing to a piece of styrofoam.

Which is what I did. I started by covering a styrofoam (which I found at Michael's for $5) cone with glitter. I knew the Peeps wouldn't totally cover every centimeter of the cone, so I figured a little glitter in the cracks would help them look more finished.

And then I just covered the entire cone with peeps. A little hot glue here.

And a little shoving there.

And eventually I had covered the entire thing. And by "eventually" I mean after about three minutes. It went really fast.

Then I topped the hole thing with a Peep chick. I just sort of hollowed out the bottom of it and fit it over the top of the styrofoam cone.

Now I just have to figure out what comes after Easter. May is National Salad Month, so maybe I can work something around that.