Parmesan Risotto
It turns out there is an easy way to get out of having to help cook or clean--just play stupid. I rode that wave for years and it was FANTASTIC. It seems that if you have a little oatmeal explosion in the microwave event, people will assume you don't know how to cook anything. I may have only been 19 years old when it happened, but I knew to be all, "Yeah, I couldn't cook a chicken if it walked into the oven on its own."
By the way, if you spray a little antibacterial cleaner on a cast iron skillet, you'll seal the deal. Not that I would know. Ahem.
I think it was my cousin who first told Mr. Husband that I should wear a shirt that says "Domestically Challenged." To him I say THANK YOU. I got out of sooooo much cooking and cleaning thanks to him spreading that little lie. For YEARS I spent holidays watching TV with the men. For YEARS Mr. Husband thought he needed to cook dinner. For YEARS I got to laugh as he rushed to push me out of the way to do whatever cooking and cleaning instead of letting me cause a domestic incident.
I miss those days. I think of them fondly every time I make risotto because it is risotto which blew my cover.
The story goes that my Aunt caught on to my little scheme at some point and started asking me to help prepare dinners. She was in on the shenanigans, so she would "take over" if Mr. Husband walked into the room. But then one day Mr. Husband suddenly pranced into the kitchen and I was standing there stirring risotto and life as I knew it was over.
So sad. So very, very sad.
(Oh, and do not pity he who fell for the scheme. That's what he gets for thinking the whole "Domestically Challenged" t-shirt thing was hysterical.)
This is the risotto recipe that ruined me. It's actually not all that hard to make, but it does require constant supervision. It's perfect for the people who got all twitchy when I told you not to stir the paella because you get to stir risotto constantly. Get ready for an arm workout!
Parmesan Risotto
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 small onion, chopped (I use a mini food processor)
1 cup arborio rice
4 cups chicken broth (I substitute and use this instead)
5-6 threads of saffron (Walmart charges something like $5 less than Giant Eagle. Just sayin'.)
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
Put your broth and saffron in a saucepan and turn the heat on medium.
While the broth is warming up, toss the olive oil into a skillet over medium heat. Add the chopped onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until it starts to turn clear. Your mission is to move on to the next step just before the onion starts to brown. (I usually fail at this mission. Life goes on.)
Add the rice and cook until it starts to turn clear as well (about three minutes).
Optional step: If you're fancy enough to have some white wine sitting around, you can throw 1/2 cup of it in there now and heat until it reduces. White wine adds a nice flavor to risotto, but it's really not all that necessary.
It certainly doesn't change the look of anything.
At this point, you should have two burners earning their keep. It's going to stay that way because you are going to add the broth little by little to the rice. Here's what my setup looks like when I make it:
I have the skillet in front with the rice and onion, the saucepan in the back with the broth and saffron, and a scary looking measuring cup sitting on a folded paper towel next to the whole shebang. The reason for that scary looking measuring cup is that you need to add the broth 3/4 cup at a time. That setup is the least messy one I've been able to find.
So, your rice and onion are sort of clear and your broth is heated. It's no coincidence that both burners are set to medium--you need your broth to be the same temperature as the fun in your skillet. Now the fun begins!
Add your first 3/4 cup of broth to the rice and start stirring (It's going to sizzle. Don't stress over it.). And stirring. And stirring. In fact, you're going to be stirring for the next 20 minutes, so I hope you've figured out how to play Angry Birds one-handed.
After a few minutes, that first 3/4 cup of broth that you added will seem to have disappeared. Once it does, it's time to add another 3/4 cup. And stir. And stir. And stir. Once that 3/4 cup of broth disappears, add another 3/4 cup and stir. And stir. And stir. Are you sensing a pattern yet? Yeah? Follow the pattern until you run out of broth.
It's sort of magical how the rice absorbs the broth.
Once you're out of broth, test a bit of the rice. It should be al dente. If it's crunchier than al dente, you can add 1/2 cup of water and cook until it reduces (just like you did with the broth).
Once you're happy with the state of the rice, turn off the heat and add your parmesan cheese. Stir, stir, stir, and you'll wind up with a creamy rice.
It's really good. It's even better if you top it with some steamed asparagus, but I suppose not everyone would agree with that assessment.
Regardless, it's the risotto that forced me into a lifetime of cooking and cleaning. And, it's worth it.
Recipe
