Christmas Shenanigans in July

There are 170 days until Christmas.

What? OF COURSE I know that little tidbit. Did you think Christmas Crazy all magically comes together in October and November? It doesn't. There's a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that has to be done this summer to help make it the most successful year ever. Some big stuff is in the works, but it will take time to get it all to come together.

(If you have arrived here recently, a brief explanation of Christmas Crazy is in order. The longer version is here, but the short version is that every year I use this site to raise money to help make sure kids get the Christmas they deserve. Christmas Crazy has  so far provided about $15,000 worth of toys to the Alle-Kiski Area HOPE Center and Toys for Tots.)

I'm really hoping for a big year this year. As in, I'd like to more double that two-year total.

As luck would have it, Visit Pittsburgh has offered to help. We'll be teaming up on July 19th for the Christmas in July Toy Drive. From 5pm to 8pm, I'll be hanging out at Sharp Edge in downtown Pittsburgh. If you're in the area, I'd love to see you there. Bring a toy (or ten) or a monetary donation. Sharp Edge will be providing appetizers, and hopefully we'll all provide a little fun. All money raised will benefit Christmas Crazy.

For more information and to RSVP, head on over here. I hope to see you there!

Half of the 2010 Toys for Tots Stash

With A Pull Of The Strings

On January 27th, 2006, a puppeteer was born. I'm sure she's not the only little girl born knowing exactly how to pull her father's strings, but now that's she's five years old, Alexis has it down to a science. With the upturn of the corners of her mouth and a batting of her eyelashes, she can get Mr. Husband to agree to pretty much anything.

Except that she can't seem to get him to set up her little above-ground pool this year.

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When we first moved to this house two years ago, we easily had the worst lawn in the neighborhood. Between the lack of landscaping and the weed farm we had going, it seemed as if we would never catch up with the lawns that hadn't been neglected for three years due to foreclosure and such.

But here we are, two years later, and I dare say our grass looks better than almost everyone's. It's a fact which has even been mentioned at block parties and neighborhood functions. We have a purdy lawn, yo. And it's all because Mr. Husband has figured out the exact right scheme to make the weeds give way to bright green grass.

He's so obsessed with the whole thing that I fully expect to one day pull into our driveway and find him hugging a happy green blade of grass.

So, of course he doesn't want to set up the pool. He would have to give up something like 30,000 blades of his pretty grass, and the very thought of that is enough to make him cry.

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As we stood in Kohl's over the weekend, shenanigans reigned supreme. I knew what was going to happen before the whole thing even started. It was like watching a movie in slow motion, a movie which shows a little girl setting eyes on something and then aiming her stun gun at her dad so she could make him abide.

Alexis saw a giant inflatable water slide.

Mr. Husband saw a way to get out of setting up the pool.

I saw that it was on clearance. By, like, a lot.

I still would have said "no" had Alexis asked me first. Alas, she knows better. She knows which fiddle she can play, and WOW did she play it. She picked up the husband's puppet strings and worked her magic faster than anything I could have ever imagined. I was stunned silent.

When I regained my voice, I gave the kid her choice. She could get the slide, but she'd have to wait several more months for the playhouse she's had her eye on. We actually had the money to buy the playhouse back in spring, but random circumstances swooped in and sucked our wallets dry, so we've been trying to rebuild the cash stash to make that purchase. Buying the water slide would set things back further.

She was perfectly happy with the arrangement.

Yeah, she was THAT happy.

Thanks goodness she doesn't use her puppeteer skills on me. Ahem.

It Used To Be One Of My Favorite Holidays

If it has "fire" in the name, there's a pretty good chance I'm a big fan. That is to say, I love fireworks. A lot. The Katy Perry song can go to hell aboard the Britney Spears train (she's on the fast track to hell, or so I hear), but real live fireworks? So. Much. To. Love.

The sparkle factor. The bright colors. The boom. The fire. Have I mentioned that I like fire?

So, how exactly is it that my kid LOATHES all things fire? She's scared of a freakin' scented candle, so it's not hard to believe that she thinks fireworks are made of pure evil.

Unfortunately, this time of year it's next to impossible for Alexis to make it through a night without jumping out of skin, screaming like the cute girl who is the first to die in a horror flick, and grabbing hold of me so tightly that I continuously wonder how it's possible that my arms are still attached to my body.  You guys, the kid completely falls apart at the first boom. I plan on holding it against her for the rest of her life, but I've even left after about three seconds of the nightly fireworks show at Disney World because onlookers would have thought that I was stabbing the kid with a knife for as much as she sobbed, cried, and generally freaked out once the fireworks started. It's the ultimate sacrifice, but I actually try to avoid fireworks just so I don't have to deal with a kid trying to fight her way back into my uterus.

Imagine my joy when we settled comfortably into my car as the announcements for the drive-in movie theater started and they mentioned that the township's fireworks show was scheduled to start momentarily. SO MUCH JOY. I've always dreamed of having a kid jump straight up in the air, through the sun roof, and land back in my lap. And it happened! Yay!

Just as Cars 2 started playing on the screen, the fireworks began. As luck would have it, they were being shot off directly behind the drive-in theater screen. The booms echoed through the car, rattling Alexis right to her core. She leaped into my lap, curled up in a ball, and fell to pieces. With her hands over her ears, she sobbed and sobbed, whined and complained, and basically managed to stare a hole in the floor because there was no way in hell she was willing to look up lest some sparkly glowy fire assaulted her eyes.

But it wasn't like we could leave.

I mean, the movie had started. We had paid to see it. We wanted to see it. I figured surely the fireworks would be over after a few minutes and we could all pretend that nothing had ever happened.

No such luck.

For some reason, that particular fireworks show was run by Mr. Wants To Space Things Out. Maybe there was only one person lighting the fuses? And he loves fireworks as much as I do so he would light one, wait for it to go off, and then light the next one? Maybe? All I know is that it takes a long damn time for 40 or so rockets to go off when they are spaaaaaaaaced out.

The scene in our car went a little like this:

Me: "Oooh! Pretty!"

Alexis: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Me: "That was probably the last one."

Alexis, after slowly moving her hands off of her ears: "Are you sure?"

Fireworks: "KABOOOM!"

Alexis: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Me: "Ooooh! Pretty! But that was probably the last one."

Alexis, after slowly moving her hands off of her ears: "Are you sure?"

Fireworks: "KABOOOOM!"

Alexis: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And that went on for . . . I don't know. An eternity? An eternity and a half? Perhaps longer.

If any neighbors set off fireworks after the 4th of July is over, I'm sending them the bill from having to have a 5-year old removed from my uterus.

(If you think showing Alexis the fun that can be had with a sparkler and a camera, you are as wrong as that backwards "s.")