2018 total: $10011.76


Keeping it on the Down Low

Alexis' birthday was a day of compromise. Daddy wanted to take her to Chuck E. Cheese. I would rather play in traffic. I wanted to take her to the Children's Museum. Daddy would rather go bowling with live bombs. So we did both.

The Chuck E. Cheese portion of the festivities came with the claim that "she love, love, LOVES it there." I personally had never been, but Mr. Husband had taken the Toddler there once. Within moments of walking in, it became apparent that his idea of "she loves it" and my idea of "she's mortally afraid of it" are actually one and the same. We all already know that Elmo and Zoe at 500 feet away is worth crying about, you ought to see what she thinks about Chuck E. at 5 feet away. Let's just say my underwear have been known to give me more space than the kid right after seeing the giant rat. When Mr. Husband took off with 20 or so tokens (so he could get the Toddler a prize, you see), I came to understand who really loves Chuck E. Cheese. The birthday girl eventually warmed up to the idea of swinging and playing a tiny bit, but it came at the price of much Mommy cajoling.

Just so we're all clear on the topic, I would rather eat cardboard than that pizza. Yeah, I know, they are made of the exact same substances.

The Children's Museum, I thought, was a whole lot more fun. As in, I got to sit in a chair and Alexis got to play and play and play. She would probably still be playing if there had been any food in the place for us to eat after they locked us in. I only get locked into places that leave chocolate and popcorn sitting around for me to munch on at midnight, thankyouverymuch. Despite the lack of quality nightime munchies, I still think the Children's Museum rocks. Hard.

During the home portion of the activities, there was cake and there were presents. Alexis ate precisely none of her cake. Really, she stuck a fork in it, licked the icing off, and then gave up on it. If I were the kid of parent that got all locked into a plan, I would have been pissed about the lack of messy smash cake photos. Good thing I just go with it.

Presents were sort of a bust for the poor child. Considering that I still haven't drug out all of her Christmas presents, there really was no need to get her anything. I did let her keep Satan's doll since it was far less annoying once I found the mute button. Other than that, she got a few games that she won't care about for at least six months. They were on clearance so I figured it made sense to pay a little for them now rather than a lot for them later. In true Toddler form, the only gift she really cared about was the box of junk jewelry that I gathered on a whim as we were leaving the store. Don't take away the kids bling, she will hurt you. And don't tell her that her bling is only worth about $10 total.

Notice the complete lack of other people involved in the festivities? That's right, there was no partying with friends and family. We shall see in approximately 16 years what happens if you don't give your kid the biggest! birthday! party! ever! when they turn two. If she survives, perhaps other parents will be brave enough to follow in our compromising footsteps.


The Other Birthday Shirt

When I grow up, I want to be just like Karen. Which is why I decided to rip off her style when some crazy embroidering lady told me that three weeks was not enough advance notice to make me the world's greatest birthday t-shirt for Alexis. So I "borrowed" the design, sought out the perfect fabrics, and ironed/sewed away. It's not exactly like the one I tried to get made, but it lived up to my expectations:

Why, yes, I am proud of myself. My sewing machine hates me with the fire of a thousand suns, so it's quite an accomplishment when I actually finish a project.


Representing the Best Two Years of My Life

Peeps, she's two. Can you believe it? Here's how Alexis spent her second birthday . . .

Lunch at Chuck E. Cheese. Coincidentally, it was the first time I had ever set foot in the rat/kid trap.

Then an afternoon at the Children's Museum.

Home in time for dinner and cake. I put zero effort into her cake this year for many reasons, and it was a good thing because Alexis put zero effort into eating her cake this year. She will be getting another chance to smash/eat cake next Saturday, so I think I'll be starving her all day to insure maximum photo opportunities.

"Regular" posts will resume tomorrow.