Yet Another Reason She Should Be An Only Child

I like to name things. I just do. I have named my camera, my phone, the odd Superman-blue mailbox I pass on my way to work, the brown and white-spotted horse in the field over there . . everything.

I name everything.

That includes my car.

I've been naming my cars since the beginning of time. I started with The Green Beast, a beat-up olive-green Mercury Marquis. I then had Roger, an off-white Ford Ranger pick-up. Later there was a Honda Civic CRX named Civvy, which was followed by Barney, the frightenly purple Nissan 200SX. More recently I drove Ali the Oldsmobile Alero and then Mitsi the Mitsubishi Endeavor. That was all topped off by that wench Audrey.

Somewhere along the line, Alexis started interfering with my highly scientific naming methodology. Instead of just letting me have my painfully obvious and perhaps cheesey names, she went and voice an opinion. KIDS THESE DAYS. She always refused to call Audrey by her name, instead preferring to call her "Audi Audi." Which, uh, NO. Her name was Audrey, thank you very much.

With the new Nissan Rogue, I had a million names I liked. She-who-interferes-when-not-invited decided she didn't like any of them. NONE OF THEM. I would suggest a name, she would insist it wasn't right. I would ask her what she wanted to name it, she would reply, "Toy." NOT. A. CHANCE. I refused to name my Nissan "Toy." REFUSED.

Mostly because there's a Toyota in our driveway and I'm easily confused. But, whatever.

It took Alexis and I a week to come to an agreement on the Nissan's name, and even then I had to bribe her to get my way.

Nissa.

Done.

And now I know for certain that should Alexis ever end up with a younger sibling, we're going to need a lot of money to convince her to let us pick out the name.

I Could Be a Really Cheap Date (And a $100 Visa Gift Card)

Every once in a while, as we're driving down the road on our way home after a long day at school and work, I'll toss a little, "Oh, by the way, daddy is going to be late getting home tonight," out to Alexis.

"YESSSSSSSS!" she'll reply, complete with a fist pump and a huge grin.

To continue reading and for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift Card, click on over to the Review page.

She Doesn't Get It From Me.

If you were to ask Alexis to pick her favorite part of this past weekend, she would roll her eyes at your stupidity and then yell, "THE PICNIC!" You should have known that without even having to think about it. Obviously.

Once upon a time, I would have dreaded the annual Preschool Picnic, but this year was completely different. I was looking forward to it just as much as Alexis for a couple of reasons. For one, it turns out that my kid has really good taste in friends. She seems to prefer to hang out with kids who I genuinely like and who belong to parents I could absolutely hang out with on a daily basis. Which, YAY! The other reason I was looking forward to it was that I had a secret.

Alexis' bestest friend in the whole wide world was going to be there--the bestest friend she has known since she was 6-months old, but who she hasn't seen all summer.

It was a secret because I have zero faith in any kids' ability to wake up on a Saturday morning in perfect health. I really didn't want Alexis to wind up disappointed. She hadn't seen her best friend for so long because the little girl switched to a new preschool all the way across town. You would think that a 4-year old would be quick to move on after a friendship turns long distance, but you would be wrong. Both girls have talked about each other repeatedly over the months. I now feel like a jerk for not doing more to try to get them together sooner because they didn't miss a beat once reunited. It seems odd to think that a real friendship can be formed by humans not even old enough to read the words, "Best friend," but they most certainly are.

In between trying to convince Alexis' BFF's dad that they should move to our neighborhood and watching our kids have the time of their lives, I learned a few things about Alexis. It's always funny to find out about the "secret lives" of kids. I mean, I know she has relationships with people when she's not with me, complete with conversations and such, but it's still weird to hear about it. Very weird.

I learned about the other side of the love triangle that Alexis has reported to me. I now know that she was once dumped by the "boyfriend" because of a rock, but that she stole him back while sitting in the tire swing.

I learned that she will tell anyone who will listen how unfair it is that we got rid of the Audi. She doesn't like the new car and she wants "Audi Audi" back, thank you very much.

I learned that Alexis says really very nice things about me when I can't hear her. Perhaps those reports were part of a vast conspiracy involving preschooler bribery and back-room deals, but if so, it worked. I pretty much plan to spoil the kid rotten every day for the next few years.

And I learned that the kid knows how to play Uno. This was perhaps the most amazing of the revelations. As dumb as that is, I was pretty excited. I've about had it with getting my butt kicked at Memory. Chutes and Ladders is only fun for about 2.5 seconds. I was so excited to learn that the kid knew how to play a new game that we stopped on the way home to buy the deck of cards.

And THAT is how I learned that the kid is ridiculously good at Uno. So good that she beat me four times in a row, despite the fact that I was aggressively trying to cheat.

Rumor has it Alexis is a very gracious winner when she plays Uno with her friends. Turns out, not so much when I'm her victim.