Random and Possibly Incoherent.

After spending three hours out in the yard working, I may have looked like I had just stepped out of a swimming pool fully clothed. I would like to apologize to anyone who happened to be downwind and had to smell me, but I have gotten it into my head that I absolutely positively must finish the pond before we hit the one year anniversary of moving into this house. If that means I have to haul around concrete blocks and dig through coal and clay and mud in 90 degree heat, so be it. I WILL CONQUER THE HOLE IN THE GROUND. I have a week and a half to do it.

In the spirit of I Have a Zillion Blisters and Can Barely Move My Fingers and I Must Dedicate My Time to the Hole in the Ground, you get a random list of stuff. Consider yourself lucky because if there's not a liner in that hole in the ground in the next 48 hours, you'll be looking at a whole lot of photos posts.

Dedicated. That's me.

• Dear, sweet Virginia continues to hold on to a very tiny shred of insanity. I've offered her a lighter and maybe even a grenade so she can blow up the Pirates Bandwagon and be done with it before that bandwagon splashes into the Mononghela and she ends up trapped between rickity boards and rusty nails and dies a fiery (Have you seen all the margaritas the believers have on that bandwagon? That spectacle is going up in flames at the first sign of a spark), water-logged death, but she's not ready to give up just yet.

I know. It's amazing.

All of that is to say you still have time to come on over to my side. Toss in just $5 and you have a very good chance of winning one of many fab-u-lous prizes. Even if you're not in Pittsburgh, it's worth entering into the mayhem. You may win something and you will definitely do some good for kids. If you have already thrown in your $5, THANK YOU! and how about you throw in another $5? It's for the kids!

• Speaking of kids, I posted over on my Review page about the shenanigans that will be happening next week. Epic shenanigans. Have I ever mentioned that I just plain love the word shenanigans? I do. Shenanigans.

• Did you know I've been posting to the Review page? Well, I have. Sporadically. Soon I will share the magical contraption that has converted our master bedroom into being hotter than hell, rather than hotter than hell plus 400 degrees. Seriously, I found something for $40 that is reducing the temperature in that room a tiny bit. Given how bad it is up there, a tiny bit is FANTASTIC.

• Did you know that I added a blogroll except that it's not really a blogroll so much as it is posts about blogs I love? Well, I did. I might even update it sometime soon. Also, no worries if you haven't been mentioned there yet. Your time will come. Although, I will say that I am thinking of playing favorites based on people who regularly comment or who have been known to comment around these parts for a long time. I'm just sayin'.

• Shenanigans.

• If you go to leave a comment and get a message saying that I banned your adorable but rude and insulting self, no worries! I finally took the time to figure out that you've been commenting under multiple names and, really, I just don't have time to deal with you being rude to meh peeps. Sorry. Buh-bye.

(P.S. I pink puffy heart Squarespace's comment controls SO MUCH. I should start paying attention to them more often.)

• I caught Alexis teaching a friend how to smile and pose for the camera today. It was kind of like Ursula from The Little Mermaid teaching Scar from The Lion King how to be nice. Even after ten minutes of back and forth, they still both sucked at posing and smiling, but it was cute watching them be all awkward and dorky as they tried to understand a concept that is clearly way beyond their abilities.

It's a good thing candid shots suit the child just fine.

I Can't Really Vouch for the Accuracy of Her Statement

Everybody always says that kids grow up so very fast. They don't mention how it happens literally overnight, though. Or at least that's how it is with Alexis. One day she seems tiny and little and very much so my baby, and the very next day BAM! All of her clothes are too small and her vocabulary has exploded and suddenly she is nothing like that little girl I knew just yesterday.

Today was one of those BAM! sort of days. The minute she woke up, I noticed her legs were longer, her head was held higher, her voice seemed deeper. Everything about her said Kid instead of Preschooler.

As we sat in the car on the drive home, I silently listened to her chatter about her day, marveling at the leap her vocabulary had taken and the sophistication of her sentiments.

When we were gathered at the table eating dinner, my eyes grew wide with amazement as I realized just how proficient she suddenly has become at shoving her food around her plate so that it seems like she may have eaten more than she really did.

When she decided that she wanted to go for a third day in a row and bash her head against a hard surface, I was startled to realize that she has substituted most of her injury-related adorable tiny kid words for more sophisticated things like "ice pack" and "bump." Gone are the days of "icee" and "boo-boo."

Later, as she lay in bed trying to fall asleep, she asked me to cuddle with her. While the sentiment is fantastic, she recently has been using night-time cuddling as a way to put off bedtime. So, I told her I needed to go back downstairs for a few minutes before I could cuddle. When the begging kicked in, I reminded her that I like to write a story for her every night after she goes to bed (that's our current "definition" of blogging in Alexis Land). She went on to ask what the story would be about today. As usual, she offered up a few suggestions. She knows that the story I write is always about something that was different or fun or exciting about that day.

Today. Today she had a recommendation. Today she suggested that I write about how her butt has gotten bigger.

Bigger? Yes, yes she is. More mature? Not a chance.

 

Misery Loves Company. Or Something.

Life is not fair. This I know. However, when it's 2:00 in the morning and your kid is screaming her head off in absolute agony because she does NOT do sick at night, I feel like the misery should be shared. When it isn't . . . SO NOT FAIR.

Alexis is like a vampire when she's sick, and not the *sparkle*sparkle* jail-bait type. By day, you'd never know anything is going on. She's chipper and sweet and can't be stopped. When the sun sets, however, she turns into a monster on par with the love child of the Incredible Hulk and Cruella DeVille. She's bringing everybody down with her. By force.

But Mr. Husband can sleep through Cruella Hulk's screams, thrashes, and growls, even when I kinda sorta maybe shove her all up in his business.

(She and I sort of agree on the whole Misery Loves Company concept. She doesn't do miserable alone, and I don't think I should either. So shoot me. PLEASE.)

Friday night I did everything within my power to share the misery, but SOMEONE slept through it all. I don't know how the hell he does that, other than maybe he has an on/off switch and I WANT ONE GIMME GIMME GIMME. As Friday turned to Saturday, Alexis didn't much improve in her sicky ways, but she did morph into The Good Sick as the sun rose over the land.

We spent Saturday snuggling, me secretly cursing He Who Deserved that Kick to the Shins I Gave Him at about 4:00am. While I would have liked to have gotten some yard work done before it turned Way Hot, I was OK with hanging out with the cuddly little beast as we watched movie after movie.

Until she started puking.

On me.

I let her have a drink of water and she thanked me by hurling it all over my clothes.

Twice.

SO. NOT. FAIR.

As they day went on, I managed to change clothes four times thanks to the sweet little puke monster that was attached to my side. The last wardrobe change came just in time for me to head out for the Pirates game. We had originally planned to attend as a family, but since recent Pirates performances have made even well people barf all over PNC Park, we figured Alexis was best left at home. Mr. Husband was a rock star for volunteering for Sick Kid Duty while I went out and had fun. But, let's face it, he *SO* totally had earned his way into a few hours of solo parenting.

During the game, I texted him a few times to see how the kid was doing.

First, she took a nap. I was stunned as I had spent hours trying to get her to do exactly that.

But, whatever.

After the nap came word that she had asked to eat something. Surely, I thought, the time had come for Mr. Husband to get a little taste of the puke monster medicine. When he said he had given her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some milk? I very nearly fell over laughing. I'm a big fan of gateway foods when Alexis is sick, and peanut butter and jelly and milk are waaaaaaay far away from the foods I let her start out trying. I mean, he skipped crackers and plain bread and water and, well, really I only ever let her eat crackers because I'm evil like that.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

Apparently magical unicorns and leprechauns and the Well-Kid Fairy visited during that nap because Alexis recovered just in time to have a pleasant evening home alone with her dad.

SO. NOT. FAIR.

I'm going to figure out a way to teach that kid how to share her sick misery with EVERYBODY and not just me. Eventually.