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Sunday
Aug262007

Please, Please, Please

My heart positively swells with pride every time Alexis says "please" and "thank you" without having to be reminded. She does it all day long every day, but each time I still take note and have that little moment of "that's my girl!" I was thinking that there would probably be a catch somewhere along the way. At first, I decided it was that I was going to die of an enlarged heart. But now I know better. The catch is that we are going to play (i.e. LOSE) the Please Game all day every day. The problem is that the rules are stacked against us:

Rule #1: Alexis will say "please" to indicate that she wants something.
Rule #2: Under no circumstances whatsoever will Alexis point to that which she wants.
Rule #3: Adults may ask questions to help them identify the desired object, but the question must be phrased in such a way that a "yes" or "no" response is appropriate.
Rule #4: Adults have 1.46 seconds to figure out what she wants. At precisely 1.46 seconds after the first "please," the polite thing is banished and the screaming, yelling, and carrying on shall commence.
Rule #5: Alexis will not, no matter what the adults say or do, provide a hint as to the magical noun that would make the game end instantly. However, once she has what she wants, she will dance around all over the place repeating that noun over and over and over again. She just wants to make sure that the adults know that she knew what that thing was named the WHOLE TIME. The adults were just too stupid to figure it out.

I'm not sure if there is a way to cheat at this game, but if anybody can find a way, it's me. It's on, Miss Alexis, it's on.

Saturday
Aug252007

Attn: September is Cancelled

September has been cancelled here in Pittsburgh. Is it cancelled where you live, too? There wasn't an official memo here, but it didn't take much to figure it out. Every store is stocked to the brim with Halloween merchandise. Some have even broke out the Christmas decorations. Add that to the fact that I saw some tree leaves that had already turned for the year, and it's pretty clear we'll be going straight from August to October. Why else would school supplies be on clearance and Halloween be front and center? I really have to start thinking about what Alexis should be for Halloween . . .

Friday
Aug242007

Stop Mocking Me

I've had it. I've been mocked. I've been teased. I've been tormented. I'm not taking it any more. Every time I walk in Alexis' room, Humpty Dumpty laughs at me. The old lady who lived in a shoe mutters under her breath. The fork and the spoon chant "still not done, still not done, still not done". Apparently, it's not enough that only one of the murals is complete. Apparently, the fact that there is a sky on one side of the room, but not the other, is a problem. Apparently, I can't start painting the words to the nursery rhymes then leave it unfinished. I do solemnly swear that I will finish painting Alexis room within the next 48 hours. If I don't, I shall arm every character with a wet noodle and stand in the center of the room as they all lash me.