Finding Joy in the Pain of Others

1. Picture the scene . . . I'm walking out the front door on my way to the car. I glance over and see this neighbor in his front yard with his hose. He has one white knee sock pulled all the way up; the other hovers just above his laced black shoe. His Richard Simmons shorts cover just enough skin so that I'm not blinded, but his worn until thin t-shirt makes evident that he is turning into a hunchback. He's turning knobs both high and low trying to turn on the water. For some reason, the hose refuses to yield said water. He turns more knobs. He slowly draws the hose nozzle to his face and peers inside the tiny little holes. He turns another knob. Water sprays all over his face. I speed to the car, mouth covered, and close the door so that he cannot hear my laughter. I fight the urge to jump back out of the car, run over to him, and laugh in his face. But I really, really wanted to. I deserve a cookie, no?

2. Daycare has reported that Alexis now feels the need to ask "Who's that?" each and every time she sees a person. I can tell you that she already knows every one's name; I've heard her say many of their names. The fact that there was a tiny bit of annoyance seeping through the teacher's voice as this was reported leads me to believe that somebody needs to grow some thicker skin. I think I find enjoyment in somebody being so easily annoyed. Actually, I know I do.

3. Last night Alexis was watching Signing Time while Daddy cleaned the upstairs bathroom (Yes, women, my husband cleans bathrooms. Stay away from him--he's mine.) It got to be time to switch to the Steelers game. Listening to them yell at each other "It's Signing Time" "It's Steelers Time" "Signing Time" "Steelers Time" "Signing Time" "Steelers Time", well, that's just plain good fun.


Please, Please, Please

My heart positively swells with pride every time Alexis says "please" and "thank you" without having to be reminded. She does it all day long every day, but each time I still take note and have that little moment of "that's my girl!" I was thinking that there would probably be a catch somewhere along the way. At first, I decided it was that I was going to die of an enlarged heart. But now I know better. The catch is that we are going to play (i.e. LOSE) the Please Game all day every day. The problem is that the rules are stacked against us:

Rule #1: Alexis will say "please" to indicate that she wants something.
Rule #2: Under no circumstances whatsoever will Alexis point to that which she wants.
Rule #3: Adults may ask questions to help them identify the desired object, but the question must be phrased in such a way that a "yes" or "no" response is appropriate.
Rule #4: Adults have 1.46 seconds to figure out what she wants. At precisely 1.46 seconds after the first "please," the polite thing is banished and the screaming, yelling, and carrying on shall commence.
Rule #5: Alexis will not, no matter what the adults say or do, provide a hint as to the magical noun that would make the game end instantly. However, once she has what she wants, she will dance around all over the place repeating that noun over and over and over again. She just wants to make sure that the adults know that she knew what that thing was named the WHOLE TIME. The adults were just too stupid to figure it out.

I'm not sure if there is a way to cheat at this game, but if anybody can find a way, it's me. It's on, Miss Alexis, it's on.


Attn: September is Cancelled

September has been cancelled here in Pittsburgh. Is it cancelled where you live, too? There wasn't an official memo here, but it didn't take much to figure it out. Every store is stocked to the brim with Halloween merchandise. Some have even broke out the Christmas decorations. Add that to the fact that I saw some tree leaves that had already turned for the year, and it's pretty clear we'll be going straight from August to October. Why else would school supplies be on clearance and Halloween be front and center? I really have to start thinking about what Alexis should be for Halloween . . .