Birth Control for Preschoolers

She says she wants two boys and one girl. In an excited tone that proves that the kid truly hates me, Alexis claims that she wants three younger siblings, and she wants them all at once. Triplets.

That's what she says. It's not what she means.

Alexis does love babies. A lot. When I told her earlier in the week that Jack would be coming to visit yesterday, she was excited. VERY excited. When I dropped a few other names, she was even more excited. She spent the entire week telling me how it was almost Saturday, and how she had toys for Jack and the rest of the crew to enjoy. She even spent an hour picking through a bunch of her old toys deciding which ones were just right for the babies.

She's such a liar.

The very second the first kid showed up for the house warming type thing, Alexis froze, as if we were playing freeze tag and she was afraid to even breathe. As Alex eagerly descended on the glorious stash of toys, Alexis slowly backed up. And backed up. And backed up. Finally, she found her way into the open closet where she stayed.

For a long time.

If no one was paying attention, she would resume playing, but always in a sort of slow-motion sort of way. It's like she was afraid that if she moved too fast, somebody might realize she was there. Every once in a while I would drop-in on the playroom to check on her, and every time she would whisper, "The kids are playing with my toys."

"It's very nice of you to share," I would reply.

"Yeah," she would respond, in a hushed, suspicious tone. Basically, she was pretty much saying, "THIS IS NOT OK. MAKE IT STOP. HOW THE FRIKKITY FRACK DO I MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR?"

She survived the night, as did all of her toys. Seriously, I didn't hear about a single real battle over anything, and nothing was broken. It looked like someone had thrown a grenade in the room, but that was to be expected.

This morning Alexis and I went back into the war zone to pick it up a bit. As she helped me carefully place things back in their appropriate places, she asked, "Where are my kids?"

"They all had to go home," I replied.

"Oh," she replied. She followed with, "OK," as she rearranged the spoons and forks in her kitchen bin.

"Maybe we should get you some baby brothers and sisters so they can play with your toys all the time," I replied. I looooove torturing that kid.

Her head snapped to attention, her eyes locked on mine, and she said, "I don't fink so," with the ferocity of a lion.

Heh.

Mr. Canon Didn't Get Lucky Today

I aspire to be a Japanese tourist every single day, always snapping photo after photo after photo. Truly, it's a goal. And yet, today, when we had a whole bunch of people over for a little house warming type thing, I didn't take a SINGLE FREAKIN' PHOTO. Cute kids were everywhere (all hail the almighty and fantasmic concept that is playrooms), and I have no proof. None.

*Hangs head in shame*

Y'all will have to settle for a repost of a grilled pizza recipe, just because I made something like 40896 of them today, and I think maybe at least one person liked it enough to pretend to want the recipe. Or something.

Now I had better go buy Mr. Canon something pretty to make up for neglecting him.

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Grilled Pizza

(adapted from Fine Cooking September 2004 issue) (Um, how the heck do I have an issue that old?)

1 package active dry yeast
1 1/4 cups warm water
4 1/4 cups flour
2 teaspoons salt
1/4 cup olive olive

Stir the yeast into the water and allow it to sit for 15 minutes. Combine the flour and salt in a large bowl. While mixing using low speed on a mixer with a dough hook, slowly add the yeast mixture and the olive oil alternately to the flour. Knead until well combined (using the mixer or on a floured surface by hand), until the dough becomes elastic. The dough should feel soft and be a little bit sticky. If it feels grainy or dry, add more warm water 1 tablespoon at a time.

Place the well-kneaded dough into a bowl which is lightly oiled and cover with a damp dishtowel. Allow the dough to rise until it is doubled in size, approximately one hour. The dough is done rising when you poke it and the dough holds the finger poking impression (fancy wording right there, don't you think?).

Once the dough is done rising, punch it down and divide it into 8 evenly-sized balls. Roll out each ball using a rolling pin until each circle is approximately 1/4 inch thick (thicker if you prefer thick crust, thinner if you have excellent taste and like crispy crust). You can stack the crusts on a plate by placing a sheet of wax paper in between each one.

And, you have crust. You can do the dough in advance. For example, if you want to make it one day in advance, do all the combining and mixing and kneading, then wrap the dough up and put it in the fridge. It will slowly rise overnight and you can roll it out the next day.

Here's the cooking instructions:

Heat the grill to medium. Using a pastry brush, brush olive oil on one side of a crust and place the crust oil-side down on the grill. Close the grill lid and wait a few minutes. The first side of the crust is done when it is lightly browned (we like it to get dark brown stripes, but don't like any black burnt crust up in the joint).

Brush oil on the uncooked side of the crust and flip it using tongs or a spatula. While the second side of the crust is cooking, throw on some toppings. We like to start with standard red pizza sauce and mozzarella cheese, but we do tend to get fancy with the artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, spinach, Feta cheese, sundried tomatoes, red onions, and whatever else floats our boats that day. If the bottom crust looks like it is completely cooked before the cheese melts, move the pizza to the top rack in the grill.

We usually don't cook more than one or two at a time so that there is space for people to work their magic with their own toppings.

A finished pizza which proves I am not a good food photographer AT ALL:

Plotting His Escape